"i am into fantasy only thanks" - Rape Board

02-06-2008, 01:08 PM

Thought i would bring this question over to here to share..

Having a discussion with a member today(not going to name names its private), the revealed to me that they were into rape fantasy, quite extreme fantasies actually but in terms of real life if there partner even got slightly aggressive or suggested say some light bondage they would not be happy at doing it, in fact they were more into sensual vanillia sex only.

This took me back abit as i thought that if you had a interest in BDSM/Rape/Power play as extreme as it was fantasy wise you would have experimented or at less being wanting or prepared to experiment a litte with a partner even if it is as simple as to "tie someone down or be tied down" but nope this member stated it would actually turn them off in real life.

Like i said i had never come across a member that felt this way before so i am now wondering if there are lots of people out there that also feel that fantasy is fantasy only and that they will not even consider basic experimenting and keep there fantasy in there heads?

Jennevieve · 02-06-2008, 03:29 PM

What? I've never heard of that, either. That's... odd, to me.

I mean, for me, obviously I don't really want to be raped. None of us want that, haha. But I do practice BDSM in the bedroom, and I have done some slight rape-play before... I mean, for me, I don't like vanilla sex anywhere near as much. For my Master, it's boring.

Sierra · 02-06-2008, 03:38 PM

(Bringing my response over.)

There are lots of fantasies which are powerful to me in fantasy, but I wouldn't want to play them out. As you know from another conversation, I wouldn't even consider forced rape role play at this time - even though I've had fantasies along those lines ever since my hormones started raging in my early teens. Another example: I'm intrigued by extreme bondage, but all that fiddling with the ropes to make those pretty knots would kill a scene for me in an actual bondage scenario. And although spankings get my pulse rate up, caning or whipping doesn't appeal to me at all.

I'm not as absolute as the person you talked to. I regularly indulge in BDSM, I've done blackmail-type scenes involving public groping and private "rape". I will try most things at least once....maybe twice....

zazie · 02-06-2008, 03:56 PM

I'm not exactly like that, but when I have experimented, a lot of stuff that was exciting in my imagination was boring or uncomfortable in real life roleplays. So I can see that perspective.

RapeU · 02-06-2008, 10:44 PM

I was like that when I was introduced to rape fantasy. Now I have the fantasy and would like to experiment, but regular sex suits me just fine

Ragman · 02-07-2008, 12:31 AM

I can see not wanting to play out your fantasy for a couple of different reasons. First the universal truth is that for most people a fantasy played out may not be as vivid and fulfilling in real life. Its like when they make a movie about a cartoon show you liked when you were a kid, and you think the movie sucks because it just wasn't as good as the cartoon. I can see this, or wanting to avoid this, being a reason for not wanting to really play.

Also i can see someone, especially in the begining stages of play, worrying about crossing lines that they can never uncross, doing things that, while both agreed upon, one or both partners might resent on a long term basis. What if a role play gets too real, and your partner gets so into it that she starts to cry? That's what safe words are for I know but it can be a hell of a can of worms to even consider opening.

Just my 2 cents of course

christine · 02-07-2008, 07:23 AM

For me too, fantasy was for a long time different from reality. The reason was very easy: I was too much ashamed. I didn't dare to speak about my fantasy.
Actually, I'm still ashamed about it in real life, only here in this forum do I dare to speak openly (and at home in the bedroom).

But I can tell anyone who feels similarly: it is really worth to make your dream reality! At least your partner should know about it, so that you can make a roleplay...

zero7destiny · 02-07-2008, 07:43 AM

I like Fantasies more, I actually tried something me and my hubby went on a lil getaway with this group into bsdm and it was not what I expected at all I was totally shocked to how "they're lifestyle" really is, even though we we're just viewing scenes. It was quite a contrast from reading a story or watching a movie...fantasies are much more nicer in a controlled or wild imagination of the mind. Reality is not what it's all cracked up to be

02-07-2008, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zero7destiny

I like Fantasies more, I actually tried something me and my hubby went on a lil getaway with this group into bsdm and it was not what I expected at all I was totally shocked to how "they're lifestyle" really is, even though we we're just viewing scenes. It was quite a contrast from reading a story or watching a movie...fantasies are much more nicer in a controlled or wild imagination of the mind. Reality is not what it's all cracked up to be

Interesting,

I guess when you get into a group situation thought it can be a bit itimidating with people just getting right into it.

lucy · 02-07-2008, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennevieve

What? I've never heard of that, either. That's... odd, to me.

I mean, for me, obviously I don't really want to be raped. None of us want that, haha. But I do practice BDSM in the bedroom, and I have done some slight rape-play before... I mean, for me, I don't like vanilla sex anywhere near as much. For my Master, it's boring.

I don't want to offend hurt or annoy anyone but doesn't anyone feel like they actually want to be attacked.. for real? i go through stages of putting myself in vulnerable positions so i am taken advantage of all the time...

Sternenlied · 02-07-2008, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lucy

I don't want to offend hurt or annoy anyone but doesn't anyone feel like they actually want to be attacked.. for real? i go through stages of putting myself in vulnerable positions so i am taken advantage of all the time...

I don't.

Well, we have two possible explanation in my point of view: Plain stupidity or the need to be hurt / taken advantage of - which may qualify for a mental disorder.

lucy · 02-07-2008, 10:34 AM

i don't self harm. but self harming doesn't mean your mental does it? i'm not saying i'm normal.. i have issues but i think it is a little harsh to say i have a mental disorder

touriquet2001 · 02-07-2008, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lucy

I don't want to offend hurt or annoy anyone but doesn't anyone feel like they actually want to be attacked.. for real? i go through stages of putting myself in vulnerable positions so i am taken advantage of all the time...

we have talked in the past and i hope we do in the future too . i know some of what's going with you and won't comment on it here .

but for me ... NO , i don't want to hurt anyone in real life . or for that matter on here unless they agree to it and it's within our boundaries we set .

i have done some of my fantasies and some i would never do ... even if it became possible .

Sternenlied · 02-07-2008, 11:08 AM

That's why I said "may qualify" ...
On the other hand a person showing auto-destructive behaviour (and going out, looking to be harmed is) does have to suffer from some kind of trauma. OR - as I stated - at least suffers from so much boredom that this person wants to harmed for excitement ... which I would consider stupid.

dreamgirl · 02-07-2008, 03:36 PM

There is always a conflict between fantasy and reality. Fantasy is perfect. Fantasy holds every desire the way that we see it in our minds. What is erotic to us in theory may not actually be so in real life because of the true pain and blood that is a result.

For instance, I've often thought about being taken roughly in the ass for the very first time. Everyone knows that this would cause bleeding, possibly a more dangerous injury, but to me, it signifies a total takeover/complete submission. Thus in my fantasies, while I rationalize it in some way, I don't ever bleed or need stitches :]

So, I think that's the conflict in this situation. The images that we give of ourselves, like I mentioned in another post, are of the ego, and not of real life. They are impossible images that we form of ourselves that we don't really meet because they are superficial and reflect our personal desires. We may change something about ourselves that no one notices, such as talking in a different way after watching a movie, because we want to emulate what we see after a movie. How many felt like they were living in a totally badass-er version of their life after the first Matrix?

So, when looking at porn, those of us who this pertains to and who don't like serious injury/blood/maiming/death, we subtract what we don't like and add it to our larger fantasies.

This is essentially why people have fantasies in general and will be disappointed when they cannot be fulfilled in the way that they like, which is why people truly must experiment and find that balance between fantasy and reality that really is erotic. Unless you have great lighting, costumes, infinite amount of ropes and dildos, and an atmosphere unlike your own bedroom, you won't be able to recreate the fantasy exactly the same.

IN CONCLUSION...wow this was so very formal. I feel like I'm teaching a seminar. When someone has a fantasy, it can only be just a fantasy, or similar to that fantasy, but it won't translate directly to real life.

There's also another explanation that is equally long and tedious to explain but it's the argument that there is buried tension beneath his/her desires to keep their sex vanilla--because it would mean making a fantasy into real life and for some, that is too immoral/unethical/guilty/gluttonous for them to accept. They choose to not even think about it, and the very mention of it means going into rejection mode to keep their freaky side *hidden.*

Also maybe they've just never actually been forced, and so they don't really know how to like it in real life.

I don't know. There are multiple reasons. I can explain these more in depth on yahoo only because I feel the same way--I am more into the fantasy than reality, but my case is that I have actually never experienced anything in real life and therefore wouldn't really know if it's just fantasy or something that I could be really into.

Ellsa · 02-07-2008, 03:58 PM

You are speaking my mind Dreamgirl =) and I would never be able to explain that better.

ego · 02-07-2008, 04:03 PM

Yeah, it was a nice post.
Neither in my fantasy the victim bleeds....on the other hand, i cant fantasize i am an invisible man or something supernatural.

lucy · 02-07-2008, 04:07 PM

hmm i don't quite understand your post it seems a bit conflicting. you started off by saying the fantasy can never be the reality and then that you've never experienced it in reality so you couldn't know.

dreamgirl · 02-07-2008, 04:19 PM

It's two different ideas. They don't conflict. Fantasy is separate from reality. It's a state of being. You can't experience the "perfect fantasy" in your mind because it's unreal.

And I couldn't know about it which is why I know about it. I know how it feels to have a fantasy that can't happen in reality.

judith · 02-07-2008, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lucy

i don't self harm. but self harming doesn't mean your mental does it? i'm not saying i'm normal.. i have issues but i think it is a little harsh to say i have a mental disorder

Don't sweat it, Lucy! Sternenlied told me I was mentally disordered, too.

judith

02-06-2008, 01:08 PM	#1
clan_hunter Guest Posts: n/a	"i am into fantasy only thanks" Thought i would bring this question over to here to share.. Having a discussion with a member today(not going to name names its private), the revealed to me that they were into rape fantasy, quite extreme fantasies actually but in terms of real life if there partner even got slightly aggressive or suggested say some light bondage they would not be happy at doing it, in fact they were more into sensual vanillia sex only. This took me back abit as i thought that if you had a interest in BDSM/Rape/Power play as extreme as it was fantasy wise you would have experimented or at less being wanting or prepared to experiment a litte with a partner even if it is as simple as to "tie someone down or be tied down" but nope this member stated it would actually turn them off in real life. Like i said i had never come across a member that felt this way before so i am now wondering if there are lots of people out there that also feel that fantasy is fantasy only and that they will not even consider basic experimenting and keep there fantasy in there heads?

02-06-2008, 03:38 PM	#3
Sierra Privileged Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Northern California Posts: 1,625 Reputation: 129196	(Bringing my response over.) There are lots of fantasies which are powerful to me in fantasy, but I wouldn't want to play them out. As you know from another conversation, I wouldn't even consider forced rape role play at this time - even though I've had fantasies along those lines ever since my hormones started raging in my early teens. Another example: I'm intrigued by extreme bondage, but all that fiddling with the ropes to make those pretty knots would kill a scene for me in an actual bondage scenario. And although spankings get my pulse rate up, caning or whipping doesn't appeal to me at all. I'm not as absolute as the person you talked to. I regularly indulge in BDSM, I've done blackmail-type scenes involving public groping and private "rape". I will try most things at least once....maybe twice.... __________________ Although the most incisive judges of the witches and even the witches themselves were convinced of the guilt of witchcraft, this guilt nevertheless did not exist. Thus it is with all guilt.

02-06-2008, 10:44 PM	#5
RapeU Yes = No. No = Yes Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 2,412 Reputation: 33359	I was like that when I was introduced to rape fantasy. Now I have the fantasy and would like to experiment, but regular sex suits me just fine __________________ Stories I have written. The Red Rose Rapist short stories Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, Sugar Is Sweet, The Rapist Is You!? The Kidnapping Chronicles The Hunter, Huntress, LK, The Masked Marauder, Melinda's Tale, and The Masked Marauder II - Allen's Revenge Other Stories At My Cousin's Wedding

02-07-2008, 12:31 AM	#6
Ragman Privileged Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: an alley near you Posts: 2,226 Reputation: 5535	I can see not wanting to play out your fantasy for a couple of different reasons. First the universal truth is that for most people a fantasy played out may not be as vivid and fulfilling in real life. Its like when they make a movie about a cartoon show you liked when you were a kid, and you think the movie sucks because it just wasn't as good as the cartoon. I can see this, or wanting to avoid this, being a reason for not wanting to really play. Also i can see someone, especially in the begining stages of play, worrying about crossing lines that they can never uncross, doing things that, while both agreed upon, one or both partners might resent on a long term basis. What if a role play gets too real, and your partner gets so into it that she starts to cry? That's what safe words are for I know but it can be a hell of a can of worms to even consider opening. Just my 2 cents of course __________________ "Aww He's just a silly, dirty little man. What's to be afraid of ?" 2

02-07-2008, 07:23 AM	#7
christine Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 28 Reputation: 84	For me too, fantasy was for a long time different from reality. The reason was very easy: I was too much ashamed. I didn't dare to speak about my fantasy. Actually, I'm still ashamed about it in real life, only here in this forum do I dare to speak openly (and at home in the bedroom). But I can tell anyone who feels similarly: it is really worth to make your dream reality! At least your partner should know about it, so that you can make a roleplay... __________________ You may have your way with her, and still let her enjoy it...

02-06-2008, 03:29 PM	#2
Jennevieve Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 97 Reputation: 118	What? I've never heard of that, either. That's... odd, to me. I mean, for me, obviously I don't really want to be raped. None of us want that, haha. But I do practice BDSM in the bedroom, and I have done some slight rape-play before... I mean, for me, I don't like vanilla sex anywhere near as much. For my Master, it's boring.

02-06-2008, 03:56 PM	#4
zazie Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 87 Reputation: 15	I'm not exactly like that, but when I have experimented, a lot of stuff that was exciting in my imagination was boring or uncomfortable in real life roleplays. So I can see that perspective.

02-07-2008, 07:43 AM	#8
zero7destiny Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 19 Reputation: 10	I like Fantasies more, I actually tried something me and my hubby went on a lil getaway with this group into bsdm and it was not what I expected at all I was totally shocked to how "they're lifestyle" really is, even though we we're just viewing scenes. It was quite a contrast from reading a story or watching a movie...fantasies are much more nicer in a controlled or wild imagination of the mind. Reality is not what it's all cracked up to be

02-07-2008, 10:34 AM	#12
lucy Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 22 Reputation: 10	i don't self harm. but self harming doesn't mean your mental does it? i'm not saying i'm normal.. i have issues but i think it is a little harsh to say i have a mental disorder

02-07-2008, 11:08 AM	#14
Sternenlied Unknown Entity Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Niflheim Posts: 2,427 Reputation: 77819	That's why I said "may qualify" ... On the other hand a person showing auto-destructive behaviour (and going out, looking to be harmed is) does have to suffer from some kind of trauma. OR - as I stated - at least suffers from so much boredom that this person wants to harmed for excitement ... which I would consider stupid. __________________ The Life and Death of Sam Crow - How the Sons of Anarchy lost their way

02-07-2008, 03:36 PM	#15
dreamgirl Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: east coast Posts: 45 Reputation: 66	There is always a conflict between fantasy and reality. Fantasy is perfect. Fantasy holds every desire the way that we see it in our minds. What is erotic to us in theory may not actually be so in real life because of the true pain and blood that is a result. For instance, I've often thought about being taken roughly in the ass for the very first time. Everyone knows that this would cause bleeding, possibly a more dangerous injury, but to me, it signifies a total takeover/complete submission. Thus in my fantasies, while I rationalize it in some way, I don't ever bleed or need stitches :] So, I think that's the conflict in this situation. The images that we give of ourselves, like I mentioned in another post, are of the ego, and not of real life. They are impossible images that we form of ourselves that we don't really meet because they are superficial and reflect our personal desires. We may change something about ourselves that no one notices, such as talking in a different way after watching a movie, because we want to emulate what we see after a movie. How many felt like they were living in a totally badass-er version of their life after the first Matrix? So, when looking at porn, those of us who this pertains to and who don't like serious injury/blood/maiming/death, we subtract what we don't like and add it to our larger fantasies. This is essentially why people have fantasies in general and will be disappointed when they cannot be fulfilled in the way that they like, which is why people truly must experiment and find that balance between fantasy and reality that really is erotic. Unless you have great lighting, costumes, infinite amount of ropes and dildos, and an atmosphere unlike your own bedroom, you won't be able to recreate the fantasy exactly the same. IN CONCLUSION...wow this was so very formal. I feel like I'm teaching a seminar. When someone has a fantasy, it can only be just a fantasy, or similar to that fantasy, but it won't translate directly to real life. There's also another explanation that is equally long and tedious to explain but it's the argument that there is buried tension beneath his/her desires to keep their sex vanilla--because it would mean making a fantasy into real life and for some, that is too immoral/unethical/guilty/gluttonous for them to accept. They choose to not even think about it, and the very mention of it means going into rejection mode to keep their freaky side hidden. Also maybe they've just never actually been forced, and so they don't really know how to like it in real life. I don't know. There are multiple reasons. I can explain these more in depth on yahoo only because I feel the same way--I am more into the fantasy than reality, but my case is that I have actually never experienced anything in real life and therefore wouldn't really know if it's just fantasy or something that I could be really into.

02-07-2008, 03:58 PM	#16
Ellsa Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 5 Reputation: 23	You are speaking my mind Dreamgirl =) and I would never be able to explain that better.

02-07-2008, 04:03 PM	#17
ego the obscure Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 3,457 Reputation: 14892	Yeah, it was a nice post. Neither in my fantasy the victim bleeds....on the other hand, i cant fantasize i am an invisible man or something supernatural. __________________ ..lure them all into the abyss!

02-07-2008, 04:07 PM	#18
lucy Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 22 Reputation: 10	hmm i don't quite understand your post it seems a bit conflicting. you started off by saying the fantasy can never be the reality and then that you've never experienced it in reality so you couldn't know.

02-07-2008, 04:19 PM	#19
dreamgirl Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: east coast Posts: 45 Reputation: 66	It's two different ideas. They don't conflict. Fantasy is separate from reality. It's a state of being. You can't experience the "perfect fantasy" in your mind because it's unreal. And I couldn't know about it which is why I know about it. I know how it feels to have a fantasy that can't happen in reality.