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Old 10-02-2009, 06:38 AM   #1
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Default Good Ones!!!

Heres a collection of pics and jokes that i thought were good and i wish to share them with you all
Will be updated on a regular basis.

So here goes...
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:39 AM   #2
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Conventional Therapy!!!

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom. A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see his doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it." The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc." The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis."

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!" The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease." The guys says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can you do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!" The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid American doctor! American doctor, always want to operate. Make more money, that way. No need to operate!" "Oh thank God!" the man replies. "Yes!" says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself!"
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:40 AM   #3
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Tit for Tat!!!


A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:41 AM   #4
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Well Trained!!!

A guy starts a new job, and the boss says, "If you marry my daughter, I'll make you a partner, give you an expense account, a Mercedes, and a million dollar annual salary."

The guy says, "What's wrong with her?"

The boss shows him a picture, and she's hideous.

The boss says, "It's only fair to tell you, she's not only ugly, she's as dumb as a wall."

The guy says, "I don't care what you offer me, it ain't worth it."

The boss says, "I'll give you a five million dollar salary and build you a mansion on Long Island."

The guy accepts, figuring he can put a bag over her head when they have sex.

About a year later, the guy buys an original Van Gogh and he's about to hang it on the wall.

He climbs a ladder and yells to his wife, "Bring me a hammer."

She mumbles, "Get the hammer. Get the hammer," and she fetches the hammer.

The guy says, "Get me some nails."

She mumbles, "Get the nails. Get the nails," and she gets him some nails.

The guys starts hammering a nail into the wall, he hits his thumb, and he yells, "Fuck!"

She mumbles, "Get the bag. Get the bag."
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:41 AM   #5
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A very naive British sailor is in a bar in London. He meets a wild girl, and she takes him upstairs. She takes off her pants and her panties.

He looks between her legs, and he says, "What's that?"

She says, "It's me lower mouth."

He says, "What do you mean, 'your lower mouth?'"

She says, "Just what I said, it's me lower mouth. It's got a moustache... It's got lips..."

He asks, "Has it got a tongue in it?"

She says, "Not yet. . ."
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:42 AM   #6
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A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about something.
"Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?"
"Yes, officer... I know I was speeding -- but it is a matter of life or death."
"Oh, really? How's that?"
"There's a naked woman waiting for me at home."
"I don't see how that is a matter of life or death."
"If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man."
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:43 AM   #7
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A conflicted doctor!!!

A doctor was conflicted about his own conduct. He was having sex with some of his patients. In one ear, a voice is whispering to him "It's all right, all doctors have sex with their patients!" In the other ear, another voice is saying "But you're a veterinarian!"
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:43 AM   #8
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RENAULT & FORD TO MERGE!!!

Renault & Ford are working together to build a small car.
They are using the Renault Clio & the Ford Taurus as a
basis for the new zippy little car which will be called . . . The Clitaurus.
The car comes in pink, with fur on the dash.
Models assembled in Brazil however will not offer the fur option.
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:44 AM   #9
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BALLADS TO U TOO!!!

A man who worked as a humble clerkwent along to Hilton Hotel and asked if they could use a evening pianist
"As a matter of fact," said the manager "i ve jus heard that my regular pianist is ill this week,I can find u a job provided ur a good pianist".
"Anything u can hum,i can play"said the applicant.
"OK"said the manager..."Theres one other thing..u must wear a dinner suit "
the man expllained that his dinner suit was very tatty,owing to lack of engagements lately,but it would be all right if the manager agreed to lower the lights on the stage.
All went according to the plan,in fact the pianist played brilliantly,but when the man stood to recieve the applause.the manager was horrified.He dashed on the stage and hissed:
"For Cripes sake! Do u know ur balls are hanging out?"
"You hum it ,Il play it" was the reply..
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:44 AM   #10
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Ouchie!!!

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about.

"What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls!!"

With that, the bartender looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!!!"
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:45 AM   #11
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Getting married!!!

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been
dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.


There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful
younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend
down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It
had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near
anyone else.


One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check
the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she
whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she
couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I
got married and committed my life to her sister.


Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm
going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling,
just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I
watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned
and made a beeline straight to the front door.


I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold,
my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With
tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are
very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a
better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is: "Always keep your condoms in your car."
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:46 AM   #12
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Superman Wonderwoman & Invisible Man!!!


One day Superman was flying along, feeling kind of horny. He had a busy day ahead of him, but just had to satisfy his urge. So he decided he would fly over to Wonder Woman's house to see what she was doing. As he got closer he used his x-ray vision and, to his surprise, Wonder Women was lying on her bed totally nude. Superman thought, `This is great! I'll just zip right in there, do my business, and before she knows it, I'll be gone.'

So, Superman blasts in, right on top of Wonder Woman, does the deed at light speed, and is gone in a flash.

Wonder Woman, not quite knowing what hit her said, `Jesus Christ! What was that?' and the Invisible Man replied:
'I don't know, but my ass sure is sore'
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:46 AM   #13
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Oops!!!

A man's wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman's body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she had seen the woman's eyebrows shudder. Not quite sure, she tried again. This time, she actually did see some movement.

"Doctor, Doctor," she called, "I saw some movement!"

The Doctor came in to the room and tried as well. Once more, they both saw movement around the woman's eyes.

"Well this is good news," said the Doctor. "I think we should call her husband and let him know."

Anyway, they called her husband and told him that they had seen some movement. When he arrived, they explained that by touching her pubic hair, they were seeing some sort of reaction in her facial muscles. The Doctor suggested that the husband may like to try something a little more adventurous in order to provoke a stronger reaction. "I suggest that we leave the room and that you try a little oral sex," he said.

The husband duly agreed and so he was left alone in the room. Several moments later, all the emergency alarms and buzzers were activated. The Doctor and a host of nurses ran in to the wife's room where they saw the husband zipping up his jeans.

"Oops," he said, "I think I choked her."
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Last edited by collesfracture; 10-02-2009 at 06:52 AM.
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:53 AM   #14
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THE GLOVES!!!

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note -- romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents first, he sealed his package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Darling,

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my Love,
Hollingsworth

P.S The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:54 AM   #15
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Enjoy..

Cheers from Collesfracture
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Old 10-02-2009, 07:11 AM   #16
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Excellent thread bro. Please let us request the moderators for a separate place (JOKES ROOM) to put all Jokes threads. I started one in the Rowdy Room because there was already another by Mugga123 in the Rowdy Room. Now that you have started a Joke thread in Idle talk I think all the Jokes thread should be Put in a JOKES ROOM for readers to easily access all the Jokes thread in ONE ROOM. What is your opinion in this matter ?

Very Good Jokes, Buddy. Thank you for them.
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Old 10-02-2009, 07:18 AM   #17
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Nice suggestion buddy..Mugga's thread is a themed one and u have made a very good start to urs..A separate section is a very good idea but we need a few more threads than the ones at present to consider it ..
Upto the mods to decide..Cheers buddy
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Old 10-02-2009, 11:56 AM   #18
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Thumbs up

Cheers buddy.
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Old 10-02-2009, 01:03 PM   #19
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For the time being a separate subforum for jokes is unnnecessary.
At the moment more than one "joke"-threads are active, true enough. An entire subforum dedicated to jokes however ... ?

I certainly don't mind improving and widening RB's social network but please keep in mind this still is primarily a rape fantasy board.

A special thread for jokes is something I wouldn't mind implementing (after all a "Funny Videos"-thread already exists) but that's as far as it should go.
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Old 10-02-2009, 11:12 PM   #20
knightlover001
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Thanks Sternenlied. May be if there are more jokes threads then a JOKES ROOM may happen. Until then lets post more jokes in collesfracture's Great thread and my 'knightlover001 Jokes Collection' thread in the Rowdy Room to entertain the viewers of RB.
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