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Old 01-07-2010, 09:48 AM   #1
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Default need an opinion

hey guys im just trying to see if this problem that a friend is having makes any sence ...and i wuld also need some advice on the situation as well

a friend (she shall be known as person A )of mine was in a very abusive relationship with one of my other friends (he shall be known as asshole) which had lasted 3 or 4 years "give or take " and also they decided to get married so when there engagement fell apart they started seeing each other on and off for sometime and taking things slowly "as in still together" and then out of no where he says that he has a new GF (she shall be known as dyke)

and to also add person A was pregnant with (assholes) child but because of the stress with everything she lost the baby ... and he didnt give a shit about it ... even he says that he loves kids and appart from the fact that (asshole) and (dyke) both apparently hate my guts right now for reasons that i dont even no what the hell is going on so yeah

so now she (as in person A)is obviously all sad and depressed and all that and then person A tells me that she is over him and everything until tonight when (person A ) just says out of no where that she loves him and that she wants to be with him and stuff like that

what i realli want to no is what should i say to her to attempt to change her mind... she is already all sad and stuff like that and i have no idea what to do ?

also the saying bros before hoes .... what happends if all parties involved are all my bros ... how does that all work ??? ... i mean im just kinda lostt at the moment and i have no idea whats going on

or should i just stand back and just watch what will happen and be their if they need me or something along those lines aniwais

i dont no what do you guys think ???
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Old 01-08-2010, 09:08 PM   #2
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WOW...

person A seems to be engaging in some self destructive behavior here. It is a common pattern that women who are in abusive relationships have a hard time getting out emotionally, even after some physical separation has occurred.

Let's leave asshole and dyke over on the side a moment and just look at YOUR friendship with person A... Tread carefully, I have heard many stories of how telling someone like person A the truth as you (and most observers) see it will ultimately destroy the friendship. You could become a symbol to her of how others try and destroy what she wants (namely asshole). The key here is to support her without judging as much as possible... And I know that is hard.

You seem like a very outspoken young woman, so you have to curb that instinct when you are with her. Be noncommittal in discussing whether or not she should try and rekindle a relationship with asshole. Try to find non-related ways to be there for her and help her feel better about herself as a person.

As for the other two (asshole and dyke), how close are they as friends of yours? Are they maybe just there because of person A? If they are integral to your social circle then all the more reason to stay as uninvolved as possible. Perhaps that is why they are giving you the ol' stink eye, they may be hearing from person A or other friends about your views on this subject.

Don't needlessly put yurself into the middle of such a complicated mess. The only time you should intervene might be if someone were in danger of being physically hurt, and then you should be phoning the cops and not putting yourself into harms way.
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Old 01-09-2010, 12:22 AM   #3
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Why do you want to continue to consider "asshole" a friend?

Abusive?
"she lost the baby ... and he didnt give a shit about it"?

You don't need to ask about this. And it's a waste of anyone's time trying to give you advice.
Your girlfriend is messed up if she still wants a relationship with "asshole".
"Asshole" is an asshole from your own description. But you still want to consider him a friend?????

What more is there to it?
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Old 01-09-2010, 12:55 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by MuggasWoman View Post

or should i just stand back and just watch what will happen and be their if they need me or something along those lines aniwais
Yes.

It may be aggravating to sit back and watch your friends act a fool and make stupid decisions, its really not your life to have any say whatsoever and they arent going to listen to you anyways, so why waste your energy even thinking about it. Better to live your own life and not get involved. Turn a blind eye if you have to. As annoying as it may be to listen to them cry about their poor decisions time and time again, they are going to have to learn for themselves, but a good friend will be there and tell it like it is..so just be honest and tell her to forget the fool, who also happens to be your friend. She isnt going to like what you say, but oh well. You're her friend, so be honest with her but there is really nothing you can do but offer a listening ear and an honest opinion.

I wouldnt waste too much energy on this.
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Old 01-09-2010, 12:56 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by snarkopo View Post
Why do you want to continue to consider "asshole" a friend?

Abusive?
"she lost the baby ... and he didnt give a shit about it"?

You don't need to ask about this. And it's a waste of anyone's time trying to give you advice.
Your girlfriend is messed up if she still wants a relationship with "asshole".
"Asshole" is an asshole from your own description. But you still want to consider him a friend?????

What more is there to it?
There are two sides to every story.

For example, I'm a cold-hearted, manipulative bitch that deserves to die to my ex boyfriend, and I'm sure he told his friends and family terrible stories that paint an awful picture of me. Yet to my new boyfriend, I'm the best thing to happen to him since his birth, and I'm like Mother Theresa with a smokin' hot body in the eyes of his friends ...so go figure.

By the way, just becuase someone is a terrible, unfaithful, disgusting person to their significant other does not make them a bad friend. I cannot stress that enough. My best friend who was always there for me through the worst times in my life is a terrible wife who cheated on her husband with two different guys in one night. To me, she's amazing. To him, she's a whore (that is, if he ever finds out).

Last edited by ChiTownHoney; 01-09-2010 at 01:02 AM.
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Old 01-09-2010, 08:53 AM   #6
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thanks everyone for all your views on the situation and keep talking about it .. it realli interests me what you guys have to say because im pretty much the typical head stung wound up "outspoken young women" that flesh was talking about so well done .... flesh

well yes this is going to be a very long message SO WATCH OUT PEOPLE !! lols

@flesh

you are a very wise person and most i love how you gave an all rounder kind of view looking at things from all angles and just focusing on how i should approach her and i will take that into alot of consideration the next time i am talking to her <3

@snarkopo

i no that its stupid ... and to be honest i actually thought that "person A" was lying to me when she was telling me about the shit that he has put her through .....and yeah i realli thought that it wasnt possible .... but i guess was wrong so currently yeah i have decided to cut the contact with him ... and dyke for all the things that the have done ...

@ chitown

you are absolutly correct about people haveing two sides to every story ... to me he as in asshole is a nice person and also very protective of me but then again thats me ...

but she keeps on asking what i think about everything.... asking me to text him and crap like that ... i pretty much said to her today is that she should do her own dirty.. work ... she looked at me slightly offended but eventully understood where i was coming from

but i also think that i shouldnt close the door on her completely .... i thought that is she let out some of her pent up fustration that she wouldnt do anything stupid becasue it has happened before...... and for the time being it has kinda worked ..... but your right i shouldnt be wasting me time on her .... its her life pretty much and if she wants him i mean i cant stop her .. all i can do is warn her i think .... ??
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Old 01-09-2010, 10:38 AM   #7
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To be quite, painfully, frank. You are in a no-win situation here. And to be quite, again painfully, honest you have a very low chance of keeping both as friends.

How do I know...simply...been there, done that...tried to be supportive to a couple of friends who's marraige feel apart and when the dust had settled, both got on with their lives, new partners, jobs and a new friend.

The trouble is, Flesh and Chi are right, but if you care about either of them, then that is easier said then done. All you can do is go with your conscience and do what you think is the right thing. Do what is best for you, support if you can, but don't be afraid to think 'fuck it' and walk away. I wish I had.

Anyway, good luck no matter what you decide.
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Old 01-09-2010, 01:40 PM   #8
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im not great with stuff like like this but here i go.

well person A should really be just leave him be, she'll be much better off without an abusive partner and hell him being a cause of her losing her baby and not caring obviously shows how much he doesnt love her, im pretty sure if this would be her first child she could have had, that sometimes is a reason why people think they still love someone, in my opinion that asshole just needs a serious beating for hitting a woman.. no man should ever lay a hand on a woman no matter what the reason would be.

just take her out somewhere were theres a lot of single men.. that might help.
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Old 01-09-2010, 04:53 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney View Post
There are two sides to every story.

For example, I'm a cold-hearted, manipulative bitch that deserves to die to my ex boyfriend, and I'm sure he told his friends and family terrible stories that paint an awful picture of me. Yet to my new boyfriend, I'm the best thing to happen to him since his birth, and I'm like Mother Theresa with a smokin' hot body in the eyes of his friends ...so go figure.

By the way, just becuase someone is a terrible, unfaithful, disgusting person to their significant other does not make them a bad friend. I cannot stress that enough. My best friend who was always there for me through the worst times in my life is a terrible wife who cheated on her husband with two different guys in one night. To me, she's amazing. To him, she's a whore (that is, if he ever finds out).
Goddamn you make me want you. RRRRRRRRRRRRRR/

But anyway, yes there are 2 sides to every story. Fine. But when you've been around as long as I have you reailze people are who they are. That's it. They don't change much when it comes to relationships, Some people are ALWAYS attracted to those who will hurt them, They sense this... and it's like a narcotic. Genetic, whatever, it's the way it is.
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Old 01-09-2010, 09:13 PM   #10
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My best friend who was always there for me through the worst times in my life is a terrible wife who cheated on her husband with two different guys in one night. To me, she's amazing. To him, she's a whore (that is, if he ever finds out).
Bah, then in your eyes she should look like a whore too!
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Old 01-09-2010, 09:16 PM   #11
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An amazing whore though.
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Old 01-13-2010, 01:28 AM   #12
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Goddamn you make me want you. RRRRRRRRRRRRRR/

But anyway, yes there are 2 sides to every story. Fine. But when you've been around as long as I have you reailze people are who they are. That's it. They don't change much when it comes to relationships, Some people are ALWAYS attracted to those who will hurt them, They sense this... and it's like a narcotic. Genetic, whatever, it's the way it is.
So if I cheated and lied and was a nasty bitch before, I'm destined to always be like that?

Ehhh you are probably right.

Listen, I met a really good guy and things are going well thus far...but my history book says Chi-Town gets bored quickly and will move on to the next guy shortly. I dont know...my gym buddy has been looking good lately, and I'm pretty single still in my own head...
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Old 01-13-2010, 01:29 AM   #13
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Bah, then in your eyes she should look like a whore too!
Nah...you know why? Cause' I'm her partener in crime, lol.

And her husband tells her I'm a whore...lol!!! You know what though, he's right, I am...but I wont tell him the real truth.

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Old 01-13-2010, 01:33 AM   #14
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BTW warning her is a good option, dont do her dirty work, cause you will end up in the middle taking sides and possibly losing friends. Staying neutral always works.
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Old 01-17-2010, 03:56 PM   #15
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So if I cheated and lied and was a nasty bitch before, I'm destined to always be like that?
No I certainly didn't mean that. Just that I have known people who are attracted to others who aren't the best choice for them. Someone who will eventually hurt them etc. You know this, you can sense it. I have been like this myself. I often find women who eventually treat me like garbage irresistible.WTF?
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