Policewoman jokes

[Ambush-predator]

I've had my joke-making programme working overtime. One of these is an almost straight lift from a schoolboy joke, one from a joke in an old mag and one a major adaptation of another schoolboy joke, but the others are original as far as I know.

POLICEWOMAN JOKES


The fit young policewoman chased the big black robber into the dead-end alley. At the end, he turned round, panting.
“Are you going to come quietly?” she asked.
“No,” he chuckled. “I’m going to come with a lot of grunts and evil laughter!”

Why should you never take a policewoman on a train?
Because the other passengers might rescue her.

Why should you never take a policewoman’s arse on a ferry?
Because you might never get to the other side.

What should you do if you find a policewoman’s panties?
Rip them off and get on with it.

The young policewoman cornered three drug dealers. Was she a heroine?
Yes, a heroin addict after they’d finished with her.

The curvy policewoman stopped the car and found the driver was a soft spoken, middle-aged, sullen, shady type. He called her a “porker” but didn’t otherwise make trouble. He stood by and watched with interest as she bent and looked in the boot. She found several obviously stolen items and a baseball bat. Then she turned around, puzzled.
“Why have you stolen a bacon slicer?”

The plump-bottomed young policewoman was addressing some young offenders in an institution. The warders had left her to it. She didn’t quite like the look in the eyes of the biggest lad, especially when she caught him staring at her bottom, but she was a professional and got on with it.
“Let’s start by you telling me your name and where you come from,” she said. “I’m Julie, Dartford.”
“Tracy, Northampton.”
“Darren, Swindon.”
“Debra, Enfield.”
“Rupert, Brixton.” That just left the big lad.
“And you?” she asked. He got up, towering over her, his eyes hungry.
“Ben, Dover,” he said.

A: “Yesterday I presented a policewoman to a Saudi sheikh.”
B: “Was she pleased?”
A: “I don’t know, but he was. I got a horse in exchange.”

Why does a British policewoman not carry a gun?
She thinks a baton up her cunt is preferable.

What’s a good place to take a nice policewoman?
Her arsehole or maybe her cunt.

How should you arrange four gang members and one policewoman?
Two abreast.

The young policewoman saw an old man standing by the road on the edge of town looking confused. She stopped her car and got out.
“Get in and I’ll give you a ride,” she said.
“Thanks,” he said, punching her in the belly and dragging her behind the bushes.

The beautiful policewoman had just saved the man’s son from drowning in the remote lake.
“I don’t know what I can give you,” the man said, taking in her uniform plastered to her tits and cunt. “Oh, yes I do,” he said, grabbing her. Come on, son.”

A: “I beat a policewoman on the golf course last week.”
B: “Over how many holes?”
A: “One – her arsehole.”

“Can you really take me in the gang’s hideout?” the young policewoman asked enthusiastically.
“Delighted,” I said. Only problem was, when I’d finished on her all the other gang members had a piece.

A: “Last night about 4 in the morning I heard banging at my door. I looked out and there was this policewoman.”
B: “Shit! Did you do a runner?”
A: “No way. I went down to join in. She was getting banged by the local rapist.”

What do you give a bent cop girl?
A good hiding and then an arsefuck.

First Robber: “I was pulling away from the jeweller’s when this policewoman jumped on the car.”
Second Robber: “Shit! Did you get rid of her?”
First Robber: “Yeah, last week, to some guys in Nigeria for three thou.”

You’re a people trafficker. You’ve just raped an interfering policewoman and dragged her in to your house. Do you take her to the bedroom?
No, cellar.

A: “There’s a policewoman in the kitchen, Abbot!”
B: “Just Friar.”

Gangster: “Boss, there’s a policewoman poking in the store-room.”
Mr Big: “Excellent! How many policewomen are we poking?”

Why should you always rape a policewoman up the arse?
Because we should all get behind the police.

Butcher: “Yesterday down by the docks this curvy policewoman charged me with arson.”
Friend: “Shit! Will it stick?”
Butcher: “No. She can’t charge me with arse off.”

A: “This impertinent young policewoman gave me a talking to for dropping litter.”
B: “Is she a beat officer?”
A: “No, but she will be soon.”

Gangster: “Boss, there’s a policewoman hiding in the tool-room.”
Boss: “How convenient. The big drill, I think.”

A: “Would you like to drill a policewoman with a Black and Decker?”
B: “I’d rather deck her first and then drill her with the Black guy.”

Why are raped policewomen like babies?
You get them through a stalk.

Would you run after a policewoman with a bare behind?
Shouldn’t be necessary. She won’t move much after the bear’s arsefucked her.

The brave policewoman seized the big burglar and after a tough fight, she overpowered him. She was straddling him, trying to get the cuffs on him, when the householder returned.
“Could you just put the cuffs on?” she asked him.
“Thanks, mate,” said the burglar. “Now let’s fuck her arse off.”

Have you heard about the policewoman who backed into the slicing machine?
Disaster!

The armed cops gathered around the building where the ruthless gangster was holding the policewoman hostage.
“Come on out,” one shouted, “we know you’re up there!”

A Catholic was in confession. He'd admitted before to a sexual obsession. He had more to confess:
"Father, yesterday this gorgeous policewoman bent over a desk and she had such a fantastic bottom and such unbelievable legs that I grabbed her, pulled her trousers down and entered her there on the spot."
"Good Lord! You'll never get into Heaven that way!"
"No, and I won't get into the Police either."

Why do Muslim terrorists not eat pigs?
They much prefer raping and torturing them.