Has this happened to u! - Rape Board

pedropeeps · 12-13-2008, 05:03 PM

Ok, as I said Jack is back,

Just wanted to ask you Gentleman all a question? Have you ever met someone that you quite like, they show interest and were about to go that bit further but they decided to tell u before u go any further that they were RAPED a few years ago?

This has happened to me twice in the space of a year and the girls for some reason tended to go into quite some detail.

so before I go any further and tell the entire stories, I just wanted to see if this has happened to u.

Also to our female members, How do u approach this situation? ie - im aware that we have some rape survivors on the forum? do you say to guys u meet after that type of horrific experience.

and TBH i kind of freaked me out a little about their experiences.

Please feedback. I will post my experiences soon. Just made me think that Fantasy is so different to Reallity!!

menace · 12-13-2008, 05:45 PM

Hasn't happened, but I can understand why the girls felt they had to tell you. Rape victims often have problems in their emotional but also in their sex life sometimes even for years after the event, and can be manifested physically, so they were esentially giving you a 'heads up'

ChiTownHoney · 12-13-2008, 06:26 PM

I dont know why they would have a need to tell you that. I have issues, but I dont go telling everyone. I think they are just looking for sympathy or something. Maybe they are looking for an excuse not to have sex with you?? I never knew anyone who has been raped, so maybe I am completely off.

Its completely normal to be freaked out. They shouldnt be going airing their laundry like that if they dont know you that well.

pedropeeps · 12-13-2008, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney

I dont know why they would have a need to tell you that. I have issues, but I dont go telling everyone. I think they are just looking for sympathy or something. Maybe they are looking for an excuse not to have sex with you?? I never knew anyone who has been raped, so maybe I am completely off.

Its completely normal to be freaked out. They shouldnt be going airing their laundry like that if they dont know you that well.

yeah, i agree and thats why i found it strange, and a bit off putting, one of the girls basically said a guy she was seeing came in one night and basically done her big time without her conscent!! she told me she was in hospital for 3 day with serious injuries.

my point in all of this was - i am into rape fantasy, but sometimes u think the real honest victiums must go thru so much.

then there is the though of how many woman actually do get raped and never say anything or report it?

LustAndLuxury · 12-14-2008, 01:18 PM

Now, why do I tell him you ask ?

Most of the time, I don't tell the guy right away. It will happen based on my emotional state (like it has been said before).

When I was raped, I kept a long, never-ending memory of that situation. I refused to look into it for a long long long long time. At some point in my life, I started remembering the rape while I was having sex with my first boyfriend. I wouldn't dare telling him at first. It took me three years in the relationship before actually sharing the experience with him.

Now when I did share, it was because I was in a total vulnerable state of mind due to different factors in my life (stressed at the job and family issues). Now I am 29 yrs old and I have done a lot of thinking about myself and who I have become. This helped me identified my mood swings and how to react when they it happens. Basically, I have two specific mood swings

1 - Untouchable - Super Heroine - Strong - Invulnerable Woman
2 - 100% vulnerable - scared - shameful - useless

The reason for me to step from Mood 1 to mood 2 is ofen related to the amount of stress I will be dealing with in my life. When that happens, I learned to be very very carefull around people.

So yes, I had to tell my boyfriend because I was in Mood 2 and he simply figured something was wrong. Still, as I said, it took three years before I actually began feeling Mood # 2 so it doesn't happen quite often. But when it does, it must be taken care of by either talking about it or interiorising the feeling until you can get a good hold of it and clean it out of your system.

Another factor I've come to realize is the fact that Mood 2 can come faster depending of whom you are with. But when that happens, I simply take my distance from the guy instead of lashing out the whole story simply because I do not feel comfortable around him, so why would I go and tell him about a story that's really personal ?

Then again, I also figured out that it helps to talk about it, which is the reason why I posted my story on this board last year.

Now about the fact that many women will talk about their rape in order to receive sympathy or other type of comfort feeling is simply NORMAL ! Of course sympathy and comfort are two important feelings that fills up, even for a little while, the emptiness in the heart. Actually, anybody who relates any type of story (be it success or failure) wishes to know what the other person thinks about it. That's actually the whole concept of human relation.

However, sympathy and comfort don't help healing most of the pain. What really helps is self knowledge (knowing about who you are, your feelings, your needs, etc....) but being supported helps a lot too, if, or course, it is sincere support.

Also, I know by experience that talking about a rape can bring for mix feelings of sadness, disgusts, frustration, but also feelings of horniness, desperate wanting, punishment. Because of that, a man should always be carefull around a woman who relates her rape. Why is she telling, how does she looks at you when telling her story, what does she describe graphically versus what part does she keep silent ? Etc.

So that's my opinion on the matter. Either way, don't over react when a woman talks about her rape. Either it is true or false, the main point is, if you do not trust her or if you feel uncomfortable from hearing it, just move on. Life is a Drama and we all have our part to play until the curtains fall, as simple as that.

Take care and be well

12-13-2008, 05:03 PM	#1
pedropeeps Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Every-Where Posts: 71 Reputation: 1973	Has this happened to u! Ok, as I said Jack is back, Just wanted to ask you Gentleman all a question? Have you ever met someone that you quite like, they show interest and were about to go that bit further but they decided to tell u before u go any further that they were RAPED a few years ago? This has happened to me twice in the space of a year and the girls for some reason tended to go into quite some detail. so before I go any further and tell the entire stories, I just wanted to see if this has happened to u. Also to our female members, How do u approach this situation? ie - im aware that we have some rape survivors on the forum? do you say to guys u meet after that type of horrific experience. and TBH i kind of freaked me out a little about their experiences. Please feedback. I will post my experiences soon. Just made me think that Fantasy is so different to Reallity!! __________________ Enjoy!!

12-13-2008, 05:45 PM	#2
menace Privileged Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Who knows? Posts: 2,436 Reputation: 26964	Hasn't happened, but I can understand why the girls felt they had to tell you. Rape victims often have problems in their emotional but also in their sex life sometimes even for years after the event, and can be manifested physically, so they were esentially giving you a 'heads up' __________________ Try and stop me

12-14-2008, 01:18 PM	#5
LustAndLuxury Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 25 Reputation: 1137	I Do Tell The Guy Now, why do I tell him you ask ? Most of the time, I don't tell the guy right away. It will happen based on my emotional state (like it has been said before). When I was raped, I kept a long, never-ending memory of that situation. I refused to look into it for a long long long long time. At some point in my life, I started remembering the rape while I was having sex with my first boyfriend. I wouldn't dare telling him at first. It took me three years in the relationship before actually sharing the experience with him. Now when I did share, it was because I was in a total vulnerable state of mind due to different factors in my life (stressed at the job and family issues). Now I am 29 yrs old and I have done a lot of thinking about myself and who I have become. This helped me identified my mood swings and how to react when they it happens. Basically, I have two specific mood swings 1 - Untouchable - Super Heroine - Strong - Invulnerable Woman 2 - 100% vulnerable - scared - shameful - useless The reason for me to step from Mood 1 to mood 2 is ofen related to the amount of stress I will be dealing with in my life. When that happens, I learned to be very very carefull around people. So yes, I had to tell my boyfriend because I was in Mood 2 and he simply figured something was wrong. Still, as I said, it took three years before I actually began feeling Mood # 2 so it doesn't happen quite often. But when it does, it must be taken care of by either talking about it or interiorising the feeling until you can get a good hold of it and clean it out of your system. Another factor I've come to realize is the fact that Mood 2 can come faster depending of whom you are with. But when that happens, I simply take my distance from the guy instead of lashing out the whole story simply because I do not feel comfortable around him, so why would I go and tell him about a story that's really personal ? Then again, I also figured out that it helps to talk about it, which is the reason why I posted my story on this board last year. Now about the fact that many women will talk about their rape in order to receive sympathy or other type of comfort feeling is simply NORMAL ! Of course sympathy and comfort are two important feelings that fills up, even for a little while, the emptiness in the heart. Actually, anybody who relates any type of story (be it success or failure) wishes to know what the other person thinks about it. That's actually the whole concept of human relation. However, sympathy and comfort don't help healing most of the pain. What really helps is self knowledge (knowing about who you are, your feelings, your needs, etc....) but being supported helps a lot too, if, or course, it is sincere support. Also, I know by experience that talking about a rape can bring for mix feelings of sadness, disgusts, frustration, but also feelings of horniness, desperate wanting, punishment. Because of that, a man should always be carefull around a woman who relates her rape. Why is she telling, how does she looks at you when telling her story, what does she describe graphically versus what part does she keep silent ? Etc. So that's my opinion on the matter. Either way, don't over react when a woman talks about her rape. Either it is true or false, the main point is, if you do not trust her or if you feel uncomfortable from hearing it, just move on. Life is a Drama and we all have our part to play until the curtains fall, as simple as that. Take care and be well __________________ A Slave to my body's desire Last edited by LustAndLuxury; 12-14-2008 at 01:21 PM.

12-13-2008, 06:26 PM	#3
ChiTownHoney Pa'l Mundo Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: ObamaNation Posts: 2,460 Reputation: 33436	I dont know why they would have a need to tell you that. I have issues, but I dont go telling everyone. I think they are just looking for sympathy or something. Maybe they are looking for an excuse not to have sex with you?? I never knew anyone who has been raped, so maybe I am completely off. Its completely normal to be freaked out. They shouldnt be going airing their laundry like that if they dont know you that well.