Just for laughs!! - Page 8 - Rape Board

Hellcat · 04-26-2007, 02:12 PM

Thanks for the advice there huni... with my exams coming up in 2 weeks time... i may just give that a try

Hellcat · 04-26-2007, 02:22 PM

Hostages

A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room.

The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!"

"Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."

innocent · 04-26-2007, 02:27 PM

deleted

Hellcat · 04-26-2007, 04:12 PM

Thanks...

04-26-2007, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Louise

In her later years Elastigirl felt her superpowers were a bit of a drag...

I'm sorry but this should be illegal!

04-26-2007, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hellcat

Thanks for the advice there huni... with my exams coming up in 2 weeks time... i may just give that a try

Is this the reading between the lines class?

04-26-2007, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hellcat

Hostages

A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room.

The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!"

"Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."

And his reaction was

Hellcat · 04-26-2007, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drmephisto

Is this the reading between the lines class?

When speaking to woman an ability to 'read between the lines' is a damn useful one to have

04-26-2007, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hellcat

When speaking to woman an ability to 'read between the lines' is a damn useful one to have

No truer words were ever spoken feline from hell!

Hellcat · 04-26-2007, 04:55 PM

Duct tape is just so damn versatile

04-26-2007, 05:06 PM

Looks Like A Sumo Wrestler.

sindyloo · 04-26-2007, 05:56 PM

GOD YES!!! Thank you DUCT TAPE!! Or uhh Butt crack censors which ever it is!!???

Well here are some really bad jokes cause I am fucking bored! Its either tell these or play with myself sooo......

What do you call a Busload of politicans at the bottom of a Lake!??? A damn good start!

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?? You can unscrew the light Bulb!

How many shrinks does it take to change a light Bulb?? Only one! But the Bulb must really be willing to Change!!

What does the Star Ship Enterprise and Toliet Paper have in common?? They both Circle Ur....Anus and wipe out Kling......Ons!!

AHHH...the hell with this going to play with myself!!

Wiz · 04-26-2007, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sindyloo

Just a fun thing to watch out for! one of my professors pulled a good lesson on how IMPORTANT it was to follow directions on tests!

"Read the Directions before doing ANY TESTS!!" He always stated before handing out his tests!

So luckily I kept this in the back of my mind during our first Mid-Term exam. Unlike the others in our class that didnt pay attention!!

Top of Test sheet was a paragraph stating......"DO NOT DO ANYTHING!!" Read this understand it and follow directions!" 1. Dont fill out name. 2. Turn paper over. 3. sit quietly until I take paper then leave Classroom!!. 4. Congrats you got a A!!

So.......8 of us out of twenty followed directions and tried very hard to not laugh. we sat outside in the hallway waiting for others to come out?? And no one else did!!!!........

All the rest flunked the first Mid-Term of Psych Class!!

Sindy, I suspect that this Prof is just a lazy bastard....incompetent and irresponsible too if he pulled this stunt on a mid-term. He must be tenured

---------------------------------------------------
New Wine for Seniors

California vintners, in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.

It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as...PINO MORE

I Heard it through the grapevine.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer!

Wiz · 04-26-2007, 09:35 PM

Some women just have no sense of humour

sindyloo · 04-27-2007, 01:10 PM

Honest it wasnt!.......Well is a way to meet cute Firemen!!

After all guys need a more obvious clue that a Gal is in need!

Hellcat · 04-27-2007, 02:16 PM

Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they can't see each other using sign language.
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on penis one time."
"If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis....fifty times."

ego · 04-27-2007, 03:01 PM

To see this, go three steps back.

Hellcat · 04-27-2007, 04:22 PM

priceless

Hellcat · 04-27-2007, 04:36 PM

sindyloo · 04-27-2007, 05:03 PM

HUH EGO??? can READ it no problem sitting in front of monitor!!

Hellcat so damn funny loved it! Sooo which was your work on the guy??

04-26-2007, 02:22 PM	#142
Hellcat At Rest Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,808 Reputation: 1841	Hostages A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room. The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!" "Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom." __________________ â€œIf you should die before me, take my hand and ask if you could bring along a friendâ€

04-26-2007, 02:27 PM	#143
innocent Privileged Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: uk Posts: 2,110 Reputation: 9976	deleted Last edited by innocent; 09-11-2007 at 06:15 PM.

04-26-2007, 05:56 PM	#152
sindyloo Privileged Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,178 Reputation: 34844	GOD YES!!! Thank you DUCT TAPE!! Or uhh Butt crack censors which ever it is!!??? Well here are some really bad jokes cause I am fucking bored! Its either tell these or play with myself sooo...... What do you call a Busload of politicans at the bottom of a Lake!??? A damn good start! What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?? You can unscrew the light Bulb! How many shrinks does it take to change a light Bulb?? Only one! But the Bulb must really be willing to Change!! What does the Star Ship Enterprise and Toliet Paper have in common?? They both Circle Ur....Anus and wipe out Kling......Ons!! AHHH...the hell with this going to play with myself!! __________________ Tommy Loy, the cabin boy, The dirty little nipper, He filled his ass With broken glass And cirumcized the skipper!

04-26-2007, 09:35 PM	#154
Wiz if ever a Wiz there was! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: The Great White North eh. Posts: 1,854 Reputation: 23553	Some women just have no sense of humour Last edited by Wiz; 12-05-2007 at 04:45 PM.

04-27-2007, 01:10 PM	#155
sindyloo Privileged Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,178 Reputation: 34844	Wasn`t ME??!! Honest it wasnt!.......Well is a way to meet cute Firemen!! After all guys need a more obvious clue that a Gal is in need! __________________ Tommy Loy, the cabin boy, The dirty little nipper, He filled his ass With broken glass And cirumcized the skipper! Last edited by sindyloo; 05-18-2007 at 04:35 PM.

04-26-2007, 05:06 PM	#151
drmephisto Guest Posts: n/a	Looks Like A Sumo Wrestler.

04-27-2007, 02:16 PM	#156
Hellcat At Rest Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,808 Reputation: 1841	Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on penis one time." "If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis....fifty times." __________________ â€œIf you should die before me, take my hand and ask if you could bring along a friendâ€

04-27-2007, 03:01 PM	#157
ego the obscure Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 3,457 Reputation: 14892	To see this, go three steps back. __________________ ..lure them all into the abyss! Last edited by ego; 06-01-2007 at 04:59 PM.

04-27-2007, 05:03 PM	#160
sindyloo Privileged Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,178 Reputation: 34844	Funny Stuff....THANKS!! HUH EGO??? can READ it no problem sitting in front of monitor!! Hellcat so damn funny loved it! Sooo which was your work on the guy?? __________________ Tommy Loy, the cabin boy, The dirty little nipper, He filled his ass With broken glass And cirumcized the skipper!