A real brainer - Rape Board

menace · 01-13-2007, 10:39 AM

This one is really a tough one, not only because it's several questions in one, but it also touches reality. But I am quite confident you will be able to answer it.

So here is the situation:

You have been going out with your girlfriend for quite some time, you are past the first sex stage and things are looking great. But as things get more and more serious, there comes a time to reveal traumatic events from the past, namely she tells you she was raped years ago.

Does this change anything for you? If it does how so? Is it only a change in your mindset or is it something that effects the whole relationship and in what way?

shysnale · 01-13-2007, 01:08 PM

I'm unable to answer that .. sorry

Throatdagger · 01-13-2007, 03:00 PM

I guess I would have mixed emotions. One part would feel sorry for her ordeal the other would find it hot as hell.

numbers · 01-13-2007, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Throatdagger

I guess I would have mixed emotions. One part would feel sorry for her ordeal the other would find it hot as hell.

Hmm...I wonder if the guys I told thought it was hot. :\ gah

Spytrx · 01-13-2007, 08:36 PM

of course it affects the relationship - and not in a good way I don't believe...
seeing that her traumatic experience is a sexual fantasy of mine really doesn't make things easier...

edd22 · 01-13-2007, 08:50 PM

I think it will only effect the relationship if you let it, there is an alarminly large amount of real rapes going on, more then people think because a large percentage don't even get reported.
If you feel it is a thing that is going to effect the relationship, talk to her about her feelings about it, it will be hard for her to talk about most of it but it will make both of you feel better about the situation. I know that worked for me when my girlfriend, now wife told me she had been raped, we don't roleplay and thats largely because i think it would bring back memories of the whole ordeal.

theman · 01-14-2007, 03:13 AM

I think it would depend on what type of personality she has and how long yall have known each other if I would talk about it or not...

Error Nomad · 01-14-2007, 09:56 AM

If I cared about her I'd be disturbed, as hearing about someone I care about being hurt like that bothers me. I used to put the concept of rape on a anti-pedestal, thinking it was worse than almost anything else, but life has taught me that its not, nor close, and there's are a lot of bad shit that happens and people either survive it or they don't.

Other than that it wouldn't affect me much. I'd be concerned about my fantasies being unacceptable, and in my current relationship was until she brought it up (for exactly that reason). I'd be observing for crazy behavior. People sometimes get broken that way, or existing craziness gets worse because of a rape. I've dated a few of those, and it was like being slowly flayed by Neurotic Mind Whips.

If I didn't particularly like her I'd just shrug and think "sucks to be you". Its not often I date someone I don't like (though there are times), but again, there's so much shit in life I'm not going to shed crocodile tears over things happening to people I don't particularly like.

I'd say your best bet is the try to find out what it means to -her-.

EN

joey · 01-15-2007, 12:28 AM

Would depend on the gory details. Was she "raped" in a situation where no meant no and not yes don't really stop. Or was she dragged down an alley by 6 gang bangers and beaten and raped senseless for a whole night winding up the the hospital for a week. I have seen relationships disolve over rape allegations that couldn't be verified. And I've seen relationships sustained and at least from the outside strengthen after a women's rape. Personally never experienced the situation (thankfully) but I'd like to thing in this scenario if it was a woman I cared for the "confession" would strengthen our situation.

Nightwish · 01-15-2007, 03:58 AM

i may have fantasies about being raped, that doesnt mean i want the real life version.
If u are raped u will prob have years of trauma to deal with and it will not make it easy to trust anyone.

The fact that she has trusted you with this information means that you musnt destroy the fact, just be there for her and if she wants talk about it.

I guess i wouldnt suggest a nice rape rp.

and numbers, u have my sympathy.

bruisedelbows · 01-15-2007, 10:16 AM

It's happened to me. It's not hot in the slightest. I just offered whatever useless comfort I could, but there's nothing I can do about the past, after all.

I've never felt that past sexual history affected my relationship with anyone, and getting raped isn't even really sexual history.

If she told me she had raped someone, on the other hand, that would affect me...

01-13-2007, 10:39 AM	#1
menace Privileged Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Who knows? Posts: 2,436 Reputation: 26964	A real brainer This one is really a tough one, not only because it's several questions in one, but it also touches reality. But I am quite confident you will be able to answer it. So here is the situation: You have been going out with your girlfriend for quite some time, you are past the first sex stage and things are looking great. But as things get more and more serious, there comes a time to reveal traumatic events from the past, namely she tells you she was raped years ago. Does this change anything for you? If it does how so? Is it only a change in your mindset or is it something that effects the whole relationship and in what way?

01-13-2007, 08:36 PM	#5
Spytrx Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: CA, USA Posts: 123 Reputation: 1466	of course it affects the relationship - and not in a good way I don't believe... seeing that her traumatic experience is a sexual fantasy of mine really doesn't make things easier... __________________ Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

01-14-2007, 03:13 AM	#7
theman Privileged Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 330 Reputation: 1293	I think it would depend on what type of personality she has and how long yall have known each other if I would talk about it or not... __________________ Into the Russian Mafia \| Kristen the Stripper Billionaire \| Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader

01-13-2007, 01:08 PM	#2
shysnale Neurotic Escargot Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Poker Table Posts: 2,754 Reputation: 13179	I'm unable to answer that .. sorry

01-13-2007, 03:00 PM	#3
Throatdagger Certified Boob Inspector Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Mid Atlantic Posts: 2,069 Reputation: 9789	I guess I would have mixed emotions. One part would feel sorry for her ordeal the other would find it hot as hell.

01-13-2007, 08:50 PM	#6
edd22 Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: iowa Posts: 40 Reputation: 173	I think it will only effect the relationship if you let it, there is an alarminly large amount of real rapes going on, more then people think because a large percentage don't even get reported. If you feel it is a thing that is going to effect the relationship, talk to her about her feelings about it, it will be hard for her to talk about most of it but it will make both of you feel better about the situation. I know that worked for me when my girlfriend, now wife told me she had been raped, we don't roleplay and thats largely because i think it would bring back memories of the whole ordeal.

01-14-2007, 09:56 AM	#8
Error Nomad Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 40 Reputation: -10	If I cared about her I'd be disturbed, as hearing about someone I care about being hurt like that bothers me. I used to put the concept of rape on a anti-pedestal, thinking it was worse than almost anything else, but life has taught me that its not, nor close, and there's are a lot of bad shit that happens and people either survive it or they don't. Other than that it wouldn't affect me much. I'd be concerned about my fantasies being unacceptable, and in my current relationship was until she brought it up (for exactly that reason). I'd be observing for crazy behavior. People sometimes get broken that way, or existing craziness gets worse because of a rape. I've dated a few of those, and it was like being slowly flayed by Neurotic Mind Whips. If I didn't particularly like her I'd just shrug and think "sucks to be you". Its not often I date someone I don't like (though there are times), but again, there's so much shit in life I'm not going to shed crocodile tears over things happening to people I don't particularly like. I'd say your best bet is the try to find out what it means to -her-. EN

01-15-2007, 12:28 AM	#9
joey Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 129 Reputation: 1677	Would depend on the gory details. Was she "raped" in a situation where no meant no and not yes don't really stop. Or was she dragged down an alley by 6 gang bangers and beaten and raped senseless for a whole night winding up the the hospital for a week. I have seen relationships disolve over rape allegations that couldn't be verified. And I've seen relationships sustained and at least from the outside strengthen after a women's rape. Personally never experienced the situation (thankfully) but I'd like to thing in this scenario if it was a woman I cared for the "confession" would strengthen our situation.

01-15-2007, 03:58 AM	#10
Nightwish Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: In your dreams Posts: 147 Reputation: 87	i may have fantasies about being raped, that doesnt mean i want the real life version. If u are raped u will prob have years of trauma to deal with and it will not make it easy to trust anyone. The fact that she has trusted you with this information means that you musnt destroy the fact, just be there for her and if she wants talk about it. I guess i wouldnt suggest a nice rape rp. and numbers, u have my sympathy.

01-15-2007, 10:16 AM	#11
bruisedelbows Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 150 Reputation: 293	It's happened to me. It's not hot in the slightest. I just offered whatever useless comfort I could, but there's nothing I can do about the past, after all. I've never felt that past sexual history affected my relationship with anyone, and getting raped isn't even really sexual history. If she told me she had raped someone, on the other hand, that would affect me...