On The Wrong Track

[Capt. DooDah]

On The Wrong Track

{in which we become side tracked and derailed }

One should walk to work. If one is close and able. A this man was both. And so. Early on a new day, this man was walking to work. It was a short walk. But, today this man had hardly begun, when early on into his walk something new happened. From the opposite direction there came another man. A man that this man knew. This man didn't know that man very well. But well enough to be very well surprised to see that man up so early on a new day. "Well, well, well." This man said to that man. "What has you up, out and about so early on this day?" inquired this man to that man. "Whoa dude, I tell ya some real, fucking, crazy ass shit fer sur." That man replied with excitment. "I hope you're ready to have your mind just blown way the fuck away." Cuz I'm about to tell ya bout something that's just so fan-fuckin-tasic it's Unfuckingbelivable!" The burnt babble of this burned out hippy used to be the last thing this man would ever find interest in. But there was something about that man's enthusiasm and colorful verbage that had gained this man's attention. So this man listened as that man now began the telling of a bizarre and unbridled chain of events.
"So, dude. Check this shit out. I was a couple miles from here last night, having me a couple of cold ones at this shithole of a bar. I 'm just hanging ya know. Ain't starting no shit or fucking with nobody. Just hanging cool ya know. So then I guess it got round to being pretty fucking late. Time to shut the dump down. I never heard, "Last Call" or nothing. But the bartender comes up to me and says, "it's time for me to go." So fuck it. I get up to leave. And then that asshole bartender dude takes my truck keys. "Sorry. I'm calling you a cab." he says. I was pissed! And I was gonna fuck him up right there ya know. But he had a baseball bat. And I was kinda starting to throw up a little bit. So instead, I just says to the prick, "Fuck you, fuck your cab. I'll fucking walk." This man had heard enough by now and cutting that man off said. "I'm Sorry to hear it happened. But you'll be home soon. And I have really got to get going...." Cutting back in that man said. "Ya gotta hear the good part still." Reluctantly this man listened as that man went on. "So I start walking. And then I figured I could save a lot of fucking time if I walked home down the train tracks instead of the Goddamn street. So now I been walking downs the tracks for quite awhile. Ain't another mother fucker anywhere around me for probably miles. And that's when I seen this bitch. And I couldn't believe it! The bitch was tied down to the train tracks! I'm like, "What The Fuck?!?!" I'm like fucking stunned. My head starts whipping around, I'm trying to out where the fucking guy who tied her up is. But there ain't nobody else nowhere. My brain's fucking spinning trying to figure out what to do. Do I untie the bitch? Call a fucking cop? Just get the fuck outta here? And then it hit me. I know what I'm gonna do. There still ain't nobody else around. And this bitch is still tied to the train tracks. I'm gonna fuck her! So I fucked her. And then after I fucked her. I'm having a smoke. getting ready to take off. And I think, "Ya know what. fuck it. I'm gonna fuck her again!" So I did. And again! I spent the rest of the night just fucking her over and over. Then the sun starts coming up. And I figured I better get the fuck outta there. So I took the fuck off. Got back on the streets. And then ran into you." That man stopped talking then and just stood there wearing a dumb ass mean kind of stupid grin on his face. This Man was in a complete state of shock after all of what he had just heard that man had done. "Oh My God!" This man blurted out. "Are you completely insane?" "That poor girl! You raped her! Not once. But several times!" This man started shaking that man by the shoulders. "That's rape! You understand you're most likely going to be in prison for most of the rest of your life? But first we've got to go help that poor girl. And then...." This man stopped. From some little evil somewhere dark in the back of this man's mind came a question. And he couldn't help but to ask that man, "Ummm. I'm Sorry. But I just have to know. Did you get any head?"
"Head? ....." That man answered. "Oh naahhh. I never found no head."
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