LTR's and rape fantasies - Rape Board

DarksideDude · 04-06-2007, 04:31 AM

How do you deal with rape fantasies if you're married or in a long-term relationship?

I've always fantasized about a woman who would stay spiritually, emotionally, and mentally pure while still being my sex slave in the bedroom. But I know that is pretty damn impossible to find. So I was just wondering how most of you cope? Don't the urges get to you? How have your partners felt about it if they know?

Dutch_Rapist · 04-06-2007, 04:47 AM

Well, in my case my girlfriend shares my fantasies and my fetishes. We've been together for eight years now (engaged) and it's working out very well. We give each other complete freedom to indulge in any sexual activity we like, with each other or with others (safe sex only of course).
However, I'm sure this will work for only a few people. Even most swingers certainly couldn't handle it.
As for being with someone who doesn't share your fetish; well, I guess it depends on how high your sexdrive is. If sex is a very important part of your relationship being out of synch would prove a bit of a problem, I should think. If not, just forget about sex.

I don't think i could handle that sort of relationship, myself.

Jezebel · 04-17-2007, 12:27 PM

My fiancÃ© and I deal with this very well, thank you.
I am very very in love with my fiancÃ©, and we share everything with each other. When I found out about his rape fantasies I really wanted to participate in them because as far as sex goes, my number one turn on is pleasing him. I also was rather into the sadomasochism thing and am a bit of a sexual deviant myself. Joining this board really helped us to break any barriers we had as far as sharing our fantasies on rape etc. I certainly donâ€™t see how being a sex slave to the one you love makes you impure. I feel like I dedicate my whole body mind etc. to please him which seems like pure love to me, and as long as the rough fantasies stays in the bedroom itâ€™s all wonderful.

sindyloo · 04-17-2007, 02:59 PM

Yes its all good not only in the bedroom but other areas say a large van if ya have one?

Where he pulls up throws you in it gags and cuffs you then well ya`ll get the picture?

But Jezebel remember to teach him those all Important words......LUBE PLEASE?!

Jasmine · 04-22-2007, 01:00 AM

My husband doesn't share my fantasies. I tried to get him to tie my wrists but he couldn't do that. He hated it. I play online, but not in rl. I don't consider it cheating, but hubby would. I suppose it depends on your perspective.

my dark side · 04-22-2007, 02:38 AM

Jasmine sweetie, i know what you mean. When i was still with my ex husband he wound not do anything at all with me, mo matter who stall the request was.

Now that he wants me back he has said he will do those things now with me, as he knows how much im into bondage and some other of my fantasies. He doesnt know about all of my fantasies however.

When i first told him, he was somewhat freaked out by it all, which made me a little sad at the time. The one i did love, thought my desires were strange and thought i was strange for having them.

The current person i am with knows all about it, and he is into it as much as me. Which i love.

subgirl · 04-22-2007, 02:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jasmine

My husband doesn't share my fantasies. I tried to get him to tie my wrists but he couldn't do that. He hated it. I play online, but not in rl. I don't consider it cheating, but hubby would. I suppose it depends on your perspective.

i with jas my hubby doesn't share my fantasies too be a cop he seen what a vic go thow. i told every but took a mouths. we been togeter 7 years now marry 4 years now i only get him to tie me up. and gag me subby

Error Nomad · 04-22-2007, 06:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dutch_Rapist

Well, in my case my girlfriend shares my fantasies and my fetishes. We've been together for eight years now (engaged) and it's working out very well. We give each other complete freedom to indulge in any sexual activity we like, with each other or with others (safe sex only of course).
However, I'm sure this will work for only a few people. Even most swingers certainly couldn't handle it.
As for being with someone who doesn't share your fetish; well, I guess it depends on how high your sexdrive is. If sex is a very important part of your relationship being out of synch would prove a bit of a problem, I should think. If not, just forget about sex.

I don't think i could handle that sort of relationship, myself.

This sounds very familiar. All of my relationships since age 19 where of this general category. It was an entrance requirement. There were definitely problems, on all sides, because it's both more complicated and simpler than most people realize. Most of the time everyone is over analyzing. But on the whole it worked well.

My current GF and I ran into the problem of "open" vs "swinger" about midway through, and landed happily on "swinger". It was a blast (so to speak). I lost her recently due to unrelated events, and will deeply miss her and that relationship. It was unique in my experience on many levels.

Unfortunately a friend of mine is recently in a situation where he's discovered his BDSM kink, but is (otherwise) happily married to a good woman who absolutely hates the very idea of this stuff. Plus he has family. Yay.

Anyone with any ideas on what this guy should do or watch out for are welcome, PM or post. He's not going to be backtracked, and he does need some perspective.

EN

EN

tnc4fun · 04-22-2007, 07:45 AM

Well, could write tomes here, but you'd all be fast asleep halfway through. Here goes the short version.

Been with my wife for 36 1/2 years, married for almost that long. I don't know what stars were aligned in what configuration the day I decided to persue her or I'd advise you to wait for just such an occasion to meet your soulmate. I consider myself the luckiest SOB on the planet.

What attracted me to her, besides the physical, was her openmindedness and inner strength. While we were different as night in day in some things, in the important things, we clicked to an almost scary degree. I never entered the realtionship with the thought of who was going to run the show. It was always a partnership I was looking for. When you have two people who are willing to go the extra yard for the other, no matter what, you've got that special match.

I never try to dominate. I suggest and let her come to her own decision. That respect leads to a lot of fun. When you're fulfilling mutual fantasies, it can be very intense as each is getting what they want, no one is "taking one for the team". You can force another person to run with your fantasies, but you lose their respect and trust and, in the end, you lose them.

All I can suggest is to be patient, loving and understanding. I'm convinced that there is, within most people, the desire for safely fulfilled fantasies. You just need to let it come out on its own, in its own time. You're not looking for perfection or immediate personal gratification, but someone who's perfect just for you and who's willing to let themselves share in mutual gratification.

That's my two overly sloppy romantic cents....

Brutalessons · 04-22-2007, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarksideDude

How do you deal with rape fantasies if you're married or in a long-term relationship?

I've always fantasized about a woman who would stay spiritually, emotionally, and mentally pure while still being my sex slave in the bedroom. But I know that is pretty damn impossible to find. So I was just wondering how most of you cope? Don't the urges get to you? How have your partners felt about it if they know?

I foolishly kept My dark side a secret from my partner for more wasted years than I wish to remember. Somewhere along the line I forgot tieing her hands ehind her back on a dance floor on our first date, a move she swears is the reason we even had a second date just for the sheer balls of it.

Even after comfortably accepting BDSM into our bedroom (whole heartedly) I felt I had to keep these "Dark" thoughts hidden lest I drive her screaming away.

I was an Idiot.

This is a part of who you are, and unless she is completley catatonic she already knows this about you just from the way you grip her wrists during sex, or give that extra unneeded thrust as you bottom out in her cervix....

Big secret revealed here guys...... Gals are not (complete) idiots....

Choose your time, stress the fantasy nature of your interest.... take the time to show her you are not some uncontrolled slavering beast...... (at the moment) and trust her to rise to the challenge.

24 years here and going strong.

04-06-2007, 04:31 AM	#1
DarksideDude Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 1 Reputation: 22	LTR's and rape fantasies How do you deal with rape fantasies if you're married or in a long-term relationship? I've always fantasized about a woman who would stay spiritually, emotionally, and mentally pure while still being my sex slave in the bedroom. But I know that is pretty damn impossible to find. So I was just wondering how most of you cope? Don't the urges get to you? How have your partners felt about it if they know?

04-06-2007, 04:47 AM	#2
Dutch_Rapist Depraved pirate Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 328 Reputation: 202	Well, in my case my girlfriend shares my fantasies and my fetishes. We've been together for eight years now (engaged) and it's working out very well. We give each other complete freedom to indulge in any sexual activity we like, with each other or with others (safe sex only of course). However, I'm sure this will work for only a few people. Even most swingers certainly couldn't handle it. As for being with someone who doesn't share your fetish; well, I guess it depends on how high your sexdrive is. If sex is a very important part of your relationship being out of synch would prove a bit of a problem, I should think. If not, just forget about sex. I don't think i could handle that sort of relationship, myself. Last edited by Dutch_Rapist; 04-06-2007 at 05:06 AM.

04-17-2007, 12:27 PM	#3
Jezebel Melana's Pudding Cup Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Neutral Milk Hotel Posts: 319 Reputation: 286	My fiancÃ© and I deal with this very well, thank you. I am very very in love with my fiancÃ©, and we share everything with each other. When I found out about his rape fantasies I really wanted to participate in them because as far as sex goes, my number one turn on is pleasing him. I also was rather into the sadomasochism thing and am a bit of a sexual deviant myself. Joining this board really helped us to break any barriers we had as far as sharing our fantasies on rape etc. I certainly donâ€™t see how being a sex slave to the one you love makes you impure. I feel like I dedicate my whole body mind etc. to please him which seems like pure love to me, and as long as the rough fantasies stays in the bedroom itâ€™s all wonderful. __________________ lay your belly under mine you're naked under me, under me such a filthy dimming shine the way you kick and scream, kick and scream

04-17-2007, 02:59 PM	#4
sindyloo Privileged Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,178 Reputation: 34844	Yes its all good not only in the bedroom but other areas say a large van if ya have one? Where he pulls up throws you in it gags and cuffs you then well ya`ll get the picture? But Jezebel remember to teach him those all Important words......LUBE PLEASE?! __________________ Tommy Loy, the cabin boy, The dirty little nipper, He filled his ass With broken glass And cirumcized the skipper!

04-22-2007, 07:45 AM	#9
tnc4fun Privileged Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Maryland, USA Posts: 203 Reputation: 453	Well, could write tomes here, but you'd all be fast asleep halfway through. Here goes the short version. Been with my wife for 36 1/2 years, married for almost that long. I don't know what stars were aligned in what configuration the day I decided to persue her or I'd advise you to wait for just such an occasion to meet your soulmate. I consider myself the luckiest SOB on the planet. What attracted me to her, besides the physical, was her openmindedness and inner strength. While we were different as night in day in some things, in the important things, we clicked to an almost scary degree. I never entered the realtionship with the thought of who was going to run the show. It was always a partnership I was looking for. When you have two people who are willing to go the extra yard for the other, no matter what, you've got that special match. I never try to dominate. I suggest and let her come to her own decision. That respect leads to a lot of fun. When you're fulfilling mutual fantasies, it can be very intense as each is getting what they want, no one is "taking one for the team". You can force another person to run with your fantasies, but you lose their respect and trust and, in the end, you lose them. All I can suggest is to be patient, loving and understanding. I'm convinced that there is, within most people, the desire for safely fulfilled fantasies. You just need to let it come out on its own, in its own time. You're not looking for perfection or immediate personal gratification, but someone who's perfect just for you and who's willing to let themselves share in mutual gratification. That's my two overly sloppy romantic cents.... __________________ The principles of lust are easy to understand, Do what you feel, feel until the end. The principles of lust are burned into your mind, Do what you want, do it until you find...love. Basic instincts, social life Paradoxes side by side Don't submit to stupid rules Be yourself and nobody's fool Don't accept average habits Open your heart and push the limits. The path of excess leads to the Tower of Wisdom. St. Michael Cretu

04-22-2007, 01:00 AM	#5
Jasmine Privileged Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 2,352 Reputation: 20045	My husband doesn't share my fantasies. I tried to get him to tie my wrists but he couldn't do that. He hated it. I play online, but not in rl. I don't consider it cheating, but hubby would. I suppose it depends on your perspective.

04-22-2007, 02:38 AM	#6
my dark side Banned Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Away from here Posts: 2,038 Reputation: 1051	Jasmine sweetie, i know what you mean. When i was still with my ex husband he wound not do anything at all with me, mo matter who stall the request was. Now that he wants me back he has said he will do those things now with me, as he knows how much im into bondage and some other of my fantasies. He doesnt know about all of my fantasies however. When i first told him, he was somewhat freaked out by it all, which made me a little sad at the time. The one i did love, thought my desires were strange and thought i was strange for having them. The current person i am with knows all about it, and he is into it as much as me. Which i love.