Telling your signifigant other - Rape Board

Ragman · 01-10-2007, 12:59 AM

Allright so, I am new here, please forgive me if this topic has been covered before.

My girlfriend has been pushing me about me deepest sexual fantasy. Which as yall can probably guess given the board... is rather dark.

Does anyone have any advice on how I should approach this. I am normally a pretty stand up guy, this fantasy is the darkest thing about my personality. I don't want to scare her off. At the same time I can't lie to her.

I can't be the only person who has difficulty divulging this desire to their signifigant others so i would appreciate any advice I could get on the subject.

kodavictimm · 01-10-2007, 01:49 AM

Maybe you just need to "show" her...

Curiously · 01-10-2007, 02:07 AM

Others may have better ideas, a more direct approach perhaps. But I'll give you my girly approach and you can decide if it's not honest enough. First, I'm a voracious reader of romance novels. I mean I read hundreds of them, God, I read so many romance novels it's pathetic. But a not uncommon theme in the older romance novels is rape. Often its in the marital context, a young girl is forced into marriage and then raped on her wedding night.

You also would see this theme in pirate novels, regency novels, novels set int he Old South. In a Harlequin I read by Charlotte Lamb titled Seduction, it was date rape pure and simple, though when this book was written (70s or 80s, not sure), I'm pretty sure date rape was not a common term. The heroine was shattered and angry, but eventually she forgave her rapist and they lived happily ever after.

As a culture, we've pretty much driven this theme out of the mainstream romance novels through political correctness. But I know we haven't driven the fantasy of being overpowered and taken by a strong, dominant male from the female psyche. So, I wouldn't be surprised if your girl might not be willing to explore your darker fantasies.

But I suggest you dress them up with some common icons of our culture. For example, I wouldn't suggest even using the word rape or saying I want to have a woman broken and crying at my feet and take her without even worrying about her pleasure.

Try something like this and I'm not saying this exactly, but as an idea, for example, say you always imagined yourself as a warrior king of ancient times who captured a village maiden and plundered her body, turning her into his slave girl. I mean, a lot of girls will really dig on the slave girl theme. And we all love our conquering heroes. But if you use the word rape, you trigger a different set of emotional responses in a girl.

At least until we explore OUR darker sides. I actually got into my rape fantasies as I realised how much I was searching for romances with a rape theme in it. I found that I had to go way back in time to snag those romance s written before I was born. I've now graduated to darker fantasies. But I think you might want to introduce your girl a bit slowly into the joys of pseudo non-consensual sex.

I actually introduced my ex into my fantasies by describing myself as a princess abducted and taken by a pirate. God, it was so girly. But my guy got into it and from this girly fantasy start to darker fun. But we were also already into soft bondage.

Anyway, those are my rambling, stream of consciousness thoughts.

01-10-2007, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ragman

Allright so, I am new here, please forgive me if this topic has been covered before.

My girlfriend has been pushing me about me deepest sexual fantasy. Which as yall can probably guess given the board... is rather dark.

Does anyone have any advice on how I should approach this. I am normally a pretty stand up guy, this fantasy is the darkest thing about my personality. I don't want to scare her off. At the same time I can't lie to her.

I can't be the only person who has difficulty divulging this desire to their signifigant others so i would appreciate any advice I could get on the subject.

I like these questions, its almost as hard to answer as "how do i dump my misses, how do i tell her i have been cheating. There is no easy answer other than to tell her but below may make it easier.

If you think that rape is going to freak her out which it might given its primarly a crime against women, i suggest you let her in lightly, cox her into it but stating that your into bondage/power play and dominance, tell her you would like to tie her up and 'use' her body, most women are more open to the idea of being dominated in a sexy sort of way.

It would let her into it gently rather that 'I want to tie you down, slap you a bit and rape your asshole'.

Using terms like bondage/power play and dominance are more acceptable rather than a term like rape, however if she freaks out at even having her hands tied to the headboard she will never accept it and its time to find a new girlfriend.

You never know she may freak you out and say her fantasy is to see her partner(you) have sex with another man and that would turn her on

.

Muffler · 01-10-2007, 08:36 AM

And she might 'cox' you into that too!

Sorry Clan, couldn't help it...

ego · 01-10-2007, 10:21 AM

In a relationship, you cant only take.You have to give also.So, ask her about her fantasies, what whould she like to add in your bedroom (bathroom, kitchen, elevator etc.).Also, dont go at once in the point.Use some light bondage, some goose, pull her hair, to see reactions.These are things that most of women like or accept.A good trick:While her hands are bound (not behind her back - preferably over her head), give her the best cunnilingous you have ever perform (at least 20 min).Then use your member in a slow, non violent way: some of it inside, then all of it outside; slowly, again and again until SHE wants to rape you (girls, i hope i made you wet!).Time by time you can make it harder.I believe in less than three months she is a rape maniac and joins us in RB!

Ragman · 01-10-2007, 11:12 AM

I appreciate all the responses everyone

dark_d3viant · 01-10-2007, 11:18 AM

The only thing I worship the most in a relationship (and the only thing that makes mine tick so well) is honesty - the best policy. Everyone else has described the best methods of breaking it to her, and as a lady (well, not so lady-like, but you know, owner of the parts) and if I was fairly 'normal' that would be how I'd like it to be done.

I'd hate it if my H didn't tell me what he wanted as much as I do in the sex dept. If he told me he likes something pretty outrageous, depending on the legality of it I'd always consider.. give & take - he indulges in what I like and has grown to love it too, which is the best outcome in all of this. Really spiced things up actually, getting to explore what makes the best scenerio together.

Hope it all works out for you, and either way you're being honest about yourself..

xx

ego · 01-10-2007, 11:46 AM

Darky, perhaps you are the exception, or i am unlucky, but my personal experience says that to be honest with women is not wise.
Sorry for the off topic.

Curiously · 01-10-2007, 01:46 PM

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communit...antasies_3.htm

Savor the number one sexual fantasy on this list of the top ten women's sexual fantasies. You could always ask your partner if she wants to roleplay through the entire list of sexual fantasies. When you reach number one, ooh la la

Also, though what turns a person on is very personal. I'd pretty much roleplay anything with my man, it would turn me on knowing it got him hot. I hope your girl feels the same way.

dark_d3viant · 01-10-2007, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ragman

My girlfriend has been pushing me about me deepest sexual fantasy.

And the fact she wants to know is a good thing too! Some people never even talk about it..

x

gaggirl · 01-10-2007, 05:23 PM

Sex is always a fun topic to bring up, so I always just said "whats your ultimate fantasy?" and when they say "whats yours" is when you get to watch the reaction... hopefully they say "ooohh thats HOT!! thats actually mine too but I wasnt sure what youd think" rather than "ohhh hmm okayyy.. hey! do you want to tie me up?!" or worse... "Why??" (and to him I say theres the door babe! )

Best make sure you have some kind of give and take happening and willingness from the other party to indulge in those fantasies that are so close to your heart, or at the very least allow you to have them and not judge you for it!! And no secrets...

good luck!

Luke rape stalker · 01-10-2007, 07:54 PM

I agree with dark_d3viant

alone the question is a good sign. Perhaps you must really show her but be very very careful! When i start it with my wife ( i lead her into rape fantasys )
in our "flower" sex i hold her arms over her head while i fuck her softly. IÂ´m careful and look her reactions, after some while we go rough and rougher and now i know her borders and we donÂ´t even need a saveword.
Perhaps you can ask her "do you like it?" if she agree you can ask again louder and more threateningly. If yes go a little step further and touch her kinda rough.

Wish you good luck...

EVERY women wants get raped!! or one the the girls here not???

Error Nomad · 01-14-2007, 11:28 AM

My GF was asking me the same question for months trying to determine if that was what I liked, because it was something -she- liked. YMMV

I started wondering and counterattacked. I'd watch her reaction to rape scenes in mainstream movies (hyper, tense, but not disgusted), I'd joke about pillaging and sacking some city, or she'd make a comment about a hot (but obnoxious) chick, and I'd respond "Only if she were crying".

We circled around it for awhile, but she was the one who pulled the trigger and asked "Do you ever fantasize about rape?". Even then the context was a computer game in which I'd just sacked an enemy city to the screams of the populous.

I'd say if she's asking that question there's a reason, and it's most likely because she either a) suspects you're into it and wants to know, or b) is afraid that her fantasies of rape will freak you out. It could be c), she wants to entrap you into telling her this so she can take the moral high-ground and call in artillery on your position, but if that's the case you're better off without (I've dodged at least one of those in the past, mostly by realizing what they'd do with the information).

I'd say your odds are pretty good that you have a girl who's interested in the same thing and is trying to feel you out. But then, I'm not the one who's betting.

EN

tazz · 01-14-2007, 07:38 PM

I would go about it simply by asking her if she would ever like to experiment with any types of role play. You can always mix it up a bit in the types that you mention. I wouldnt say 'hey, you want to do a rape roleplay'....instead, maybe just experiment with holding her down, etc and see where it goes.

01-10-2007, 12:59 AM	#1
Ragman Privileged Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: an alley near you Posts: 2,226 Reputation: 5535	Telling your signifigant other Allright so, I am new here, please forgive me if this topic has been covered before. My girlfriend has been pushing me about me deepest sexual fantasy. Which as yall can probably guess given the board... is rather dark. Does anyone have any advice on how I should approach this. I am normally a pretty stand up guy, this fantasy is the darkest thing about my personality. I don't want to scare her off. At the same time I can't lie to her. I can't be the only person who has difficulty divulging this desire to their signifigant others so i would appreciate any advice I could get on the subject.

01-10-2007, 08:36 AM	#5
Muffler Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 76 Reputation: 122	And she might 'cox' you into that too! Sorry Clan, couldn't help it... __________________ "...as my world darkens, my vision is clearer...

01-10-2007, 01:49 AM	#2
kodavictimm Privileged Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 502 Reputation: 484	Maybe you just need to "show" her...

01-10-2007, 02:07 AM	#3
Curiously Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 18 Reputation: 12	Others may have better ideas, a more direct approach perhaps. But I'll give you my girly approach and you can decide if it's not honest enough. First, I'm a voracious reader of romance novels. I mean I read hundreds of them, God, I read so many romance novels it's pathetic. But a not uncommon theme in the older romance novels is rape. Often its in the marital context, a young girl is forced into marriage and then raped on her wedding night. You also would see this theme in pirate novels, regency novels, novels set int he Old South. In a Harlequin I read by Charlotte Lamb titled Seduction, it was date rape pure and simple, though when this book was written (70s or 80s, not sure), I'm pretty sure date rape was not a common term. The heroine was shattered and angry, but eventually she forgave her rapist and they lived happily ever after. As a culture, we've pretty much driven this theme out of the mainstream romance novels through political correctness. But I know we haven't driven the fantasy of being overpowered and taken by a strong, dominant male from the female psyche. So, I wouldn't be surprised if your girl might not be willing to explore your darker fantasies. But I suggest you dress them up with some common icons of our culture. For example, I wouldn't suggest even using the word rape or saying I want to have a woman broken and crying at my feet and take her without even worrying about her pleasure. Try something like this and I'm not saying this exactly, but as an idea, for example, say you always imagined yourself as a warrior king of ancient times who captured a village maiden and plundered her body, turning her into his slave girl. I mean, a lot of girls will really dig on the slave girl theme. And we all love our conquering heroes. But if you use the word rape, you trigger a different set of emotional responses in a girl. At least until we explore OUR darker sides. I actually got into my rape fantasies as I realised how much I was searching for romances with a rape theme in it. I found that I had to go way back in time to snag those romance s written before I was born. I've now graduated to darker fantasies. But I think you might want to introduce your girl a bit slowly into the joys of pseudo non-consensual sex. I actually introduced my ex into my fantasies by describing myself as a princess abducted and taken by a pirate. God, it was so girly. But my guy got into it and from this girly fantasy start to darker fun. But we were also already into soft bondage. Anyway, those are my rambling, stream of consciousness thoughts.

01-10-2007, 10:21 AM	#6
ego the obscure Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 3,457 Reputation: 14892	In a relationship, you cant only take.You have to give also.So, ask her about her fantasies, what whould she like to add in your bedroom (bathroom, kitchen, elevator etc.).Also, dont go at once in the point.Use some light bondage, some goose, pull her hair, to see reactions.These are things that most of women like or accept.A good trick:While her hands are bound (not behind her back - preferably over her head), give her the best cunnilingous you have ever perform (at least 20 min).Then use your member in a slow, non violent way: some of it inside, then all of it outside; slowly, again and again until SHE wants to rape you (girls, i hope i made you wet!).Time by time you can make it harder.I believe in less than three months she is a rape maniac and joins us in RB!

01-10-2007, 11:12 AM	#7
Ragman Privileged Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: an alley near you Posts: 2,226 Reputation: 5535	I appreciate all the responses everyone

01-10-2007, 11:18 AM	#8
dark_d3viant Privileged Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 676 Reputation: 3855	The only thing I worship the most in a relationship (and the only thing that makes mine tick so well) is honesty - the best policy. Everyone else has described the best methods of breaking it to her, and as a lady (well, not so lady-like, but you know, owner of the parts) and if I was fairly 'normal' that would be how I'd like it to be done. I'd hate it if my H didn't tell me what he wanted as much as I do in the sex dept. If he told me he likes something pretty outrageous, depending on the legality of it I'd always consider.. give & take - he indulges in what I like and has grown to love it too, which is the best outcome in all of this. Really spiced things up actually, getting to explore what makes the best scenerio together. Hope it all works out for you, and either way you're being honest about yourself.. xx

01-10-2007, 11:46 AM	#9
ego the obscure Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 3,457 Reputation: 14892	Darky, perhaps you are the exception, or i am unlucky, but my personal experience says that to be honest with women is not wise. Sorry for the off topic.

01-10-2007, 01:46 PM	#10
Curiously Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 18 Reputation: 12	http://www.healthyplace.com/Communit...antasies_3.htm Savor the number one sexual fantasy on this list of the top ten women's sexual fantasies. You could always ask your partner if she wants to roleplay through the entire list of sexual fantasies. When you reach number one, ooh la la Also, though what turns a person on is very personal. I'd pretty much roleplay anything with my man, it would turn me on knowing it got him hot. I hope your girl feels the same way.

01-10-2007, 05:23 PM	#12
gaggirl * yawn * Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Australia Posts: 3,058 Reputation: 40178	Sex is always a fun topic to bring up, so I always just said "whats your ultimate fantasy?" and when they say "whats yours" is when you get to watch the reaction... hopefully they say "ooohh thats HOT!! thats actually mine too but I wasnt sure what youd think" rather than "ohhh hmm okayyy.. hey! do you want to tie me up?!" or worse... "Why??" (and to him I say theres the door babe! ) Best make sure you have some kind of give and take happening and willingness from the other party to indulge in those fantasies that are so close to your heart, or at the very least allow you to have them and not judge you for it!! And no secrets... good luck!

01-10-2007, 07:54 PM	#13
Luke rape stalker or Jekyll and Hyde Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 781 Reputation: 1695	I agree with dark_d3viant alone the question is a good sign. Perhaps you must really show her but be very very careful! When i start it with my wife ( i lead her into rape fantasys ) in our "flower" sex i hold her arms over her head while i fuck her softly. IÂ´m careful and look her reactions, after some while we go rough and rougher and now i know her borders and we donÂ´t even need a saveword. Perhaps you can ask her "do you like it?" if she agree you can ask again louder and more threateningly. If yes go a little step further and touch her kinda rough. Wish you good luck... EVERY women wants get raped!! or one the the girls here not???

01-14-2007, 11:28 AM	#14
Error Nomad Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 40 Reputation: -10	My GF was asking me the same question for months trying to determine if that was what I liked, because it was something -she- liked. YMMV I started wondering and counterattacked. I'd watch her reaction to rape scenes in mainstream movies (hyper, tense, but not disgusted), I'd joke about pillaging and sacking some city, or she'd make a comment about a hot (but obnoxious) chick, and I'd respond "Only if she were crying". We circled around it for awhile, but she was the one who pulled the trigger and asked "Do you ever fantasize about rape?". Even then the context was a computer game in which I'd just sacked an enemy city to the screams of the populous. I'd say if she's asking that question there's a reason, and it's most likely because she either a) suspects you're into it and wants to know, or b) is afraid that her fantasies of rape will freak you out. It could be c), she wants to entrap you into telling her this so she can take the moral high-ground and call in artillery on your position, but if that's the case you're better off without (I've dodged at least one of those in the past, mostly by realizing what they'd do with the information). I'd say your odds are pretty good that you have a girl who's interested in the same thing and is trying to feel you out. But then, I'm not the one who's betting. EN

01-14-2007, 07:38 PM	#15
tazz Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 21 Reputation: 14	I would go about it simply by asking her if she would ever like to experiment with any types of role play. You can always mix it up a bit in the types that you mention. I wouldnt say 'hey, you want to do a rape roleplay'....instead, maybe just experiment with holding her down, etc and see where it goes.