Top 10 signs your internet date is a serial killer/rapist - Rape Board

Emily Johnson · 07-10-2006, 03:57 AM

As some of you may know, I've entered the world of internet dating with memberships on Adult Friend Finder and ALT.com. Of course you never know who you might be getting. Maybe even a Serial Killer!!!!!!

So, a la David Letterman, and with a little help from a special friend, the list below is what we came up with. Feel free to come up with other suggestions for inclusion in your responses. Maybe we can make it a top 20 list and ditch Letterman!

10. "No, you don't remind me of my mother at all----unless you put on this wig, these glasses, this apron, and say 'I caught you looking at that woman's naughty area, Junior. Now I'm gonna have to take you home and wash your little pee-pee!' "

9. Instead of his drawings, he asks if you wanna go back to his place and see his collection of assault weapons.

8. Whenever the topic of missing girls comes up, he screams "An indictment is not a conviction, you know!"

7. "Why no, I'm not a police officer. But I'm flattered that you asked. Turns out, I just enjoy wearing the uniform. And the hat. And the gunbelt. Oh, and I bought this old cop car at an auction. The siren and lights weren't working, but I fixed them. Wanna see?"

6. Has 4 stars next to his name on the Internet Sex Offenders Registry.

5. Over dinner: "Just so you know, my court appointed psychiatrist, parole officer, and a jury of 12 of my peers agree, I don't handle rejection well."

4. Tells you that the smell coming from his crawlspace must be a dead animal, and invites you to grab a shovel and come down with him to help bury it.

3. He voted for G.W. Bush for President, and still has the bumper sticker on his car.

2. When the subject of serial killers happens to come up, he agrees, kind-of, that they are losers. "Yeah, what an idiot! Can you believe he got caught after only X-teen victims?"

...and the number one sign that your Internet Date is a Serial Killer:

1. Lunch in Mexico City. Tacos. No problem.
Dinner in Rome Italy. Pizza. No problem.
Kinky, rough sex in the cramped airplane bathroom on the way home, No problem.
Breakfast in Battle Creek, Michigan. Rice Crispies and Frosted Corn Flakes,
SERVED IN A BATHTUB FULL OF WHOLE MILK.
Slight problem. He tries to drown you in it.
....no wait, that would just make him a CEREAL killer.

gal4 · 07-10-2006, 07:31 AM

Hey, you internet date is here.

Throatdagger · 07-10-2006, 08:19 AM

What about these several?

He goes to the post office daily to check the bulleting board of the most wanted.

You notice that the wall of his bedroom is lined with pictures of young women.

The picture on the milk carton of the missing girls is taped over because "she reminded him of someone."

He has to open the car door because the insdie handle doesn't work.

When he stopped suddenly at a traffic light, a butcher knife, a bottle of choloroform and a roll of duct tape slid from under his seat.

You pass a carpet store and the owner tells him "I have several more short rolls of carpet for you."

On the refrigerator is a list of routes for the trash dumpster truck.

The first numbers on his speed dial is for an attorney and a bail bondsman.

The neighbors say "He is a really nice guy; kind of shy."

There is a shoe box under the sofa full of credit cards and ATM cards with women's names on them.

Emily Johnson · 07-10-2006, 04:53 PM

Excellent Dagger! No specific references to Norman Bates?

Emily Johnson · 07-10-2006, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gal4

Hey, you internet date is here.

Are you flirting with me Gal?

gal4 · 07-10-2006, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emily Johnson

Are you flirting with me Gal?

Gotta tiger by the tail

Emily Johnson · 07-10-2006, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gal4

Gotta tiger by the tail

Awww! Cute kitty! I think I'm in love!

Rahl · 07-12-2006, 09:43 AM

As someone who has a collection of assault weapons, I find their inclusion offensive

07-12-2006, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rahl

As someone who has a collection of assault weapons, I find their inclusion offensive

You mean you're not a rapist?!

Throatdagger · 07-12-2006, 03:14 PM

Assault weapon; is that a code word for "sperm cannon"? You only need to worry if the rifle is a Bushmaster. I think that is what several snipers used. Most probably don't use rifles. Hard to get the damn thing from under the car seat while she is struggling.

Rahl · 07-13-2006, 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ace

You mean you're not a rapist?!

Oh, I rape all the livelong day

but assault weapons aren't a part of it. Those are just for entertainment and "home defense." Now, knives and Japanese swords, those are nice. My katana is basically a three foot razor blade, so many uses in addition to the sheer intimidation factor.

07-10-2006, 03:57 AM	#1
Emily Johnson Opinionated Bitch Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: California Posts: 400 Reputation: 8094	Top 10 signs your internet date is a serial killer/rapist As some of you may know, I've entered the world of internet dating with memberships on Adult Friend Finder and ALT.com. Of course you never know who you might be getting. Maybe even a Serial Killer!!!!!! So, a la David Letterman, and with a little help from a special friend, the list below is what we came up with. Feel free to come up with other suggestions for inclusion in your responses. Maybe we can make it a top 20 list and ditch Letterman! 10. "No, you don't remind me of my mother at all----unless you put on this wig, these glasses, this apron, and say 'I caught you looking at that woman's naughty area, Junior. Now I'm gonna have to take you home and wash your little pee-pee!' " 9. Instead of his drawings, he asks if you wanna go back to his place and see his collection of assault weapons. 8. Whenever the topic of missing girls comes up, he screams "An indictment is not a conviction, you know!" 7. "Why no, I'm not a police officer. But I'm flattered that you asked. Turns out, I just enjoy wearing the uniform. And the hat. And the gunbelt. Oh, and I bought this old cop car at an auction. The siren and lights weren't working, but I fixed them. Wanna see?" 6. Has 4 stars next to his name on the Internet Sex Offenders Registry. 5. Over dinner: "Just so you know, my court appointed psychiatrist, parole officer, and a jury of 12 of my peers agree, I don't handle rejection well." 4. Tells you that the smell coming from his crawlspace must be a dead animal, and invites you to grab a shovel and come down with him to help bury it. 3. He voted for G.W. Bush for President, and still has the bumper sticker on his car. 2. When the subject of serial killers happens to come up, he agrees, kind-of, that they are losers. "Yeah, what an idiot! Can you believe he got caught after only X-teen victims?" ...and the number one sign that your Internet Date is a Serial Killer: 1. Lunch in Mexico City. Tacos. No problem. Dinner in Rome Italy. Pizza. No problem. Kinky, rough sex in the cramped airplane bathroom on the way home, No problem. Breakfast in Battle Creek, Michigan. Rice Crispies and Frosted Corn Flakes, SERVED IN A BATHTUB FULL OF WHOLE MILK. Slight problem. He tries to drown you in it. ....no wait, that would just make him a CEREAL killer. __________________ Half the harm that is done in this world Is due to people who want to feel important They don't mean to do h arm But the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it Because they are absorbed in the endless struggle To think well of themselves. T. S. Eliot

07-10-2006, 07:31 AM	#2
gal4 UnWanted Trick Baby Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 834 Reputation: 584	Hey, you internet date is here. Last edited by gal4; 07-10-2006 at 07:45 AM.

07-10-2006, 04:53 PM	#4
Emily Johnson Opinionated Bitch Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: California Posts: 400 Reputation: 8094	Excellent Dagger! No specific references to Norman Bates? __________________ Half the harm that is done in this world Is due to people who want to feel important They don't mean to do h arm But the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it Because they are absorbed in the endless struggle To think well of themselves. T. S. Eliot Last edited by Emily Johnson; 07-10-2006 at 04:56 PM.

07-10-2006, 08:19 AM	#3
Throatdagger Certified Boob Inspector Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Mid Atlantic Posts: 2,069 Reputation: 9789	What about these several? He goes to the post office daily to check the bulleting board of the most wanted. You notice that the wall of his bedroom is lined with pictures of young women. The picture on the milk carton of the missing girls is taped over because "she reminded him of someone." He has to open the car door because the insdie handle doesn't work. When he stopped suddenly at a traffic light, a butcher knife, a bottle of choloroform and a roll of duct tape slid from under his seat. You pass a carpet store and the owner tells him "I have several more short rolls of carpet for you." On the refrigerator is a list of routes for the trash dumpster truck. The first numbers on his speed dial is for an attorney and a bail bondsman. The neighbors say "He is a really nice guy; kind of shy." There is a shoe box under the sofa full of credit cards and ATM cards with women's names on them.

07-12-2006, 09:43 AM	#8
Rahl Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 22 Reputation: 10	As someone who has a collection of assault weapons, I find their inclusion offensive

07-12-2006, 03:14 PM	#10
Throatdagger Certified Boob Inspector Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Mid Atlantic Posts: 2,069 Reputation: 9789	Assault weapon; is that a code word for "sperm cannon"? You only need to worry if the rifle is a Bushmaster. I think that is what several snipers used. Most probably don't use rifles. Hard to get the damn thing from under the car seat while she is struggling.