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04-27-2007, 05:14 PM | #161 | |
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04-27-2007, 07:22 PM | #162 | |
the obscure
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Quote:
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..lure them all into the abyss! |
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04-28-2007, 04:26 AM | #163 |
At Rest
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That Paris Hilton is such a vapid trollop and has been caught screwing... yet again!
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“If you should die before me, take my hand and ask if you could bring along a friend†|
04-28-2007, 04:47 AM | #164 |
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Hee Hee Hee
Very good Hell, took me a while to get at first ( yet again, damn am i slow at getting some of these things on here ) |
04-28-2007, 05:55 AM | #165 |
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It seems that the government.. in their finite wisdom have taken it upon themselves to place more warning labels on your favourite tipple....
Alcohol Warning Labels 1. Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. 2. Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. 3. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. 4. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to strangle you. 4. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to strangle you. 4. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to strangle you. 5. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. 6. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that your ex is really dying for you to call them at 4:00 in the morning. 7. Consumption of alcohol may cause serious rug burns on the forehead and chin area. 8. Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really big guy named Bubba. 9. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. 10. Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to disappear. 11. Consumption of alcohol may result in pregnancy. 12. Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants.
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“If you should die before me, take my hand and ask if you could bring along a friend†|
04-28-2007, 11:16 AM | #166 |
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The truth at last...
Last edited by Louise; 07-03-2007 at 03:31 PM. |
04-28-2007, 11:19 AM | #167 |
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Well, I usually have a younger retinue...but...open wide ashtray...
Last edited by Louise; 07-03-2007 at 03:31 PM. |
04-28-2007, 02:46 PM | #168 |
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You have undoubtedly seen these before...
Political Science for Dummies DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICAN You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. BUREAUCRACY, EU STYLE You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain. AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good. JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good. BELGIAN CORPORATION You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy. |
04-28-2007, 11:37 PM | #169 |
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AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
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Tommy Loy, the cabin boy, The dirty little nipper, He filled his ass With broken glass And cirumcized the skipper! |
04-29-2007, 05:18 AM | #170 |
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04-29-2007, 05:36 AM | #171 |
Banned
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04-30-2007, 11:12 AM | #172 |
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Theres that word again...
Last edited by Louise; 07-03-2007 at 03:31 PM. |
05-01-2007, 06:12 AM | #173 |
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Danger of having sex in the dark..
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“If you should die before me, take my hand and ask if you could bring along a friend†|
05-01-2007, 06:25 AM | #174 |
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:d :d
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“If you should die before me, take my hand and ask if you could bring along a friend†|
05-01-2007, 07:13 AM | #175 |
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For all those Ebay whores out there... some handy advice!!
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“If you should die before me, take my hand and ask if you could bring along a friend†|
05-01-2007, 07:21 AM | #176 |
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“If you should die before me, take my hand and ask if you could bring along a friend†|
05-01-2007, 07:48 AM | #177 |
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Aint that the truth
Three men walking through the woods get lost and find themselves at a raging river. As night begins to fall the men turn to prayer. 1st man: Dear God, please help me to cross this river. *Poof* A rubber raft appears and the man paddles and fights his way across taking five hours. 2nd man: Dear God, please help me to quickly cross this river. *Poof* A wooden boat appears and he rows across to the other side of the river taking three hours. 3rd man: Dear God, please give me the presence of mind, the courage and ability to make it across the river. *Poof* The man changes into a woman, she reads the map, and walks over the bridge.
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“If you should die before me, take my hand and ask if you could bring along a friend†|
05-01-2007, 08:35 AM | #178 |
At Rest
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Comeback line of the year!
A University teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever! A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
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“If you should die before me, take my hand and ask if you could bring along a friend†|
05-01-2007, 10:16 AM | #179 |
if ever a Wiz there was!
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Location: The Great White North eh.
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The four stages of life:
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If you find that life is a short, meaningless journey filled with emptiness and pain, just get all the pussy you can. Last edited by Wiz; 12-05-2007 at 04:45 PM. |
05-01-2007, 10:22 AM | #180 |
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Im sitting here trying vainly to complete an assignment that i have to get in for Thursday... and bloody Microsoft Word!!!
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“If you should die before me, take my hand and ask if you could bring along a friend†|
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