Who Am I - Really?

[pussytaker]

WHAT AM I – REALLY?

Often I ask myself if I am truly a human being. How can I be, when I delight in the things most humans find disgusting, sickening, appalling, revolting, and obscene? I LIKE rape. I do not care if it is fake or real and illegal. I get off on rape scenes in movies – which is why I could never watch such movies with friends or family. I do not care to see the bloody REVENGE part, I just like seeing the bitch FUCKED!

Since I like these things that please Satan so much, more so than other humans, I think sometimes I am half demon. I know sin lives in us all, corrupts us all, ruins us all, but in me it seems deeper rooted. There are many perverts in my family, but I have never been arrested for indiscretions – because they are all on the privacy of my computer screen.

And then I discovered this place. Rape Board, and my perceptions changed. Their are others – many others, with as fond a love of rape as I have myself. Are they half demonic too? Or is it further proof that yes, I am indeed human? Sometimes I do not need reassurances. I bask in my illusions, and ENJOY being something other than human, with human concerns and world weary philosophies.

I have now decided that being human is not all that great, and if this place is a colony of anti humans, with societal destructive pursuits, I gladly join them.

I am Pussy Taker. Rape Board is the home of my fondest fetish. Once it was Lesbians, now – now undisclosed to any living person that breathes around me, I know my fondest fetish is FORCE. Each shred of clothing, each scream of surprise is music to me. Art. Life in motion.

Yes, I am a savage demonic brute barbarian, am I not? But are you any less, posting pics and videos and delighting in others that feed on what you give them? Can you yourself really be so distant from the core of it all? I do not think so.

Know though, that I have supreme control. My fantasies STAY fantasies. In reality I am what you know as a loser, a virgin, with no prospects because I never learned the importance of getting any – literally – getting ANY. It is still not important to me. Being pure is infinitely better than being INFECTED. I do not need catheters or other crap in my junk cause it works fine. And I do not suffer. My pure blood has a purpose. I do not know what it is. But it will not be taken easily, if at all, in this life. Who am I kidding? No one is fighting me for it, now or ever. I am invisible. But we do exist. We do have fantasies. And we thank you for the privilege of indulgence. Or else I might really be a savage brutal rapist. The women should thank you all too. They should get on their knees and kiss your feet. They should fucking VOLUNTEER, to save other women from this dread fate.

Am I human?

It does not matter anymore.

I have found – others.

PUSSY TAKER

[Mr. Wiggles]

I'm glad you found 'others'..but I gotta tell you..after reading what you wrote I almost feel like opening a vein.. thanks a lot

[antropinus]

Originally Posted by pussytaker

Are they half demonic too? Or is it further proof that yes, I am indeed human?

I've always believed my soul is half-demonic, but my "human half" has become
surprisingly well-adjusted. I've been happily married for more than a decade
now, to a woman who I'm proud to say is both independent and loving.
And she knows about my dark and twisted side.

Best wishes to you, and know that it's possible to be who you are and still
be happy and fulfilled.

[gaggirl]

I quite enjoyed reading your post, demon/barbarian. Ive questioned myself over the many years I've been twisted, and have a few theories of my own. As I get older and things happen I seem to take less risks (fortunately but sad and unfortunate also) Its quite an inward journey embracing the dark part that sometimes still secretly enjoys the newspapers sexual assault columns a bit much, and the happily married egalitarian conservative family person. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[Lil-Mac]

I would be interested in knowing how many of us have wrestled with this question. I know I sure have, and still do from time time to time. By nature I am an extremely conflicted man... on the one hand I am a caring, empathic person with a very strong, very pronounced sense of right and wrong.

Yet on the other hand I have this "dark" side that is completely at odds with the way I am in "real life". This results in me being both facinated by, and revolted by rape. Kind of like a car wreck. I feel for those involved, I hope everyone is ok, yet I cant tear my gaze away as I drive slowly by.

Sometimes I'll hear about an attack and I'll feel ashamed that when put in a fantasy setting I would be aroused by the deed... like I said, conflicted.

[Fae]

I'm rather with death2Uall on this one. Maybe it''s because I am on the victim side of this fetish but I came to terms with this side of my personality a long time ago. To me it's a reflection of baser emotions. Fear, power or overpowered, dominance, a large dose of pain fetish in there too, and an attraction to the forbidden.

To break it down a bit more. Enjoying fear is an adrenaline response. It's why people enjoy horror movies. It's why people willingly jump out of airplanes. The physical response to being afraid is a rush of adrenaline that gets the heart going and makes a person feel more alive. Human nature.

Feeling like I am being overpowered. Frankly I am something of a control freak. It is really hard for me to give up being in control but feels really good when someone takes control from me. A situation like rape fantasies is the idea of control being forcibly taken from me. In fantasies and in my sex life I really like not being the one in control.

Dominance, well it kind of goes hand and hand with the last one. There aren't a lot of guys who can give me orders and not have me smirk and do my own thing so having a guy force me to actually do what he wants kind of makes me over come that suborn, overly independent streak in me that gets in the way of letting a guy take charge in my life.

Pain fetish: Pain and sex pretty much go hand and hand for me. Every other sensation increases after pain. It kind of makes sense as a physical response to survival. Every sense is more alert and my body is more responsive looking to see if there is an actual threat out there. That's the primal purpose of feeling pain. Over the years certain types of pain and sex have just become more and more linked for me so having someone inflict pain on me is just a turn on.

And lastly it's kind of human nature to be attracted by the forbidden. If you tell a child they can't have something, what happens? They want it all the more. Since the idea of forced sex is taboo that it becomes something people fantasize about more. There isn't exactly a lot of taboo left in our society. It's not really surprising people are attracted to this on that respect either.

As far as I am concerned all of the emotions I feel regarding this fetish are human nature. I suspect if you broke down the aggressor end of the fetish as well it would probably be the same but I don't really get that end of the fetish the same way. As long common sense keeps me out of the more dangerous ways I can play out this fantasy, and I don't loose sight of the fantasy vs reality of rape I'm not worried. The nice thing is that this is a common enough fetish I can usually find others to play out my fantasies with and beyond that guilt doesn't serve me much purpose. It sure doesn't have to do with Satan and it is much more human that it ever will be "anti-human".

[yokayoka]

Maybe I can contribute a little "from the other side" (the submissive), too...

I did go through a phase when I experimented with almost everything imagineable, and tried to feel everything. If I "played the victim", I wanted to really feel what a victim would feel... it's not something I would do now, but back then, I guess I really enjoyed the emotional violation more than the physical. I don't really feel comfortable going into details here (yet)... so I'm sorry if it sounds a little vague After a while, it turned into a feeling of duty for me to experience all the pain in the world, to go through it all and truly understand how all the victims felt, and it almost felt like a divine quest to be undertaken by a martyr, or someone (something?) not quite human. Maybe it's the same kind of feeling you are talking about, but at the other end of the barrel, so to speak...?

Now, I have someone who truly loves me despite everything that I am, and try to keep myself healthy and out of reckless, dangerous situations for him (by finding other outlets, for example... like here!). Looking back, I am glad I was given the chance to become "human" again. But I don't feel like I have to hide that other part of myself, whatever it was, from my "human" part. I am learning to accept it as part of my humanity and finding ways to deal with it, or even use it make my relationships better

[Janav]

An animal.

I am an animal when it comes to sex. In the animal kingdom, most of the time rape does not have the same implications as it does for us. Nah, i don't think i'm inhuman. My tendency to like being violent, overpowering and forceful is a reflection of my animalistic, primal side.

A side i very much enjoy. Growling, snarling, threatening, gripping, raping, fucking, cumming.

It's all good

[lordbyron23]

Originally Posted by pussytaker

Their are others – many others, with as fond a love of rape as I have myself. Are they half demonic too? Or is it further proof that yes, I am indeed human?

I think every one of us thinks about this question. In my opinion the fact that we seduce our pleasure for rape only in our minds,real life roleplays, in boards like this or other places were no one get hurt from it makes us to 100% human. Every human has dark thoughts. No one is free from it, even the young girl who all the people say that she is an angel fantasizes in her mind how her female rival has an terrible accident and died because she cut the brake pipes of her car, so she can take her boyfriend.
But the difference to a real demon is that we do it only in the mind.
As long as I didn't go out and do a real rape I have noting demonical in me and I'm only human

[bruisedporcelain]

For me rape fantasy, is helping me to heal. To face parts of myself that it is hard to face. For that, I dont question who I am anymore on that basis or because of my sexual interests, i understand that it is just an important part of a journey in self descovery and letting go.

[NightSpyder]

Originally Posted by Lil-Mac

I would be interested in knowing how many of us have wrestled with this question. This results in me being both facinated by, and revolted by rape. Kind of like a car wreck. I feel for those involved, I hope everyone is ok, yet I cant tear my gaze away as I drive slowly by.

It pains me to say it, but at least I now know that I am not the only person that feels like this on this site. This is the only place I know that I can go to, to get my "fix" for my darker side. Each time I watch a video here, if it is new, it gets imprinted in my head and usually, I don't watch it anymore. Unless it becomes one of my favorites. I feel that you all know the ones I am talking about. That each time you watch/read/look at it, your eyes roll back in your head and shivers go up and down your body.

I feel bad that I enjoy the idea of rape in media, but even as twisted as I consider myself, I don't think I could ever enjoy the act of rape to someone I know, or me doing it to someone I do or do not know.

As to the OP for this thread, you can consider yourself an animal all you like, and all I have to say, is that you are not alone. Not by a long shot.

[CockTheRipper]

In all fairness, rape could be seen as something natural to humans along our evolution before society, so it's only expected that a certain part of society will still view the act through those eyes. We are of course programmed this way in a manner of speaking.

Of course to me personally, it's something of a fantasy that I like to act out as I have that dominant, one might sometimes say highly dominant, side. But if I read about a case in the paper, such as the recent sex gang here in England, it still turns my stomach for its cruelty.

Maybe I have more issues than you due to this contradiction?

[rasputin0853]

As an atheist I try to stay away from words like "demon", but there could be scientific forces at work we don't understand. Chemical imbalance, reaction to childhood experiences...who knows? Still, Atheism and all...it does sometimes feel as if there are two sides to my personality, and one is downright demonic.

From the beginning of humanity right up until just a few hundred years ago rape was practically the most common way humans reproduced. Evolution does not happen that fast, so of course those urges are still in our DNA. Of course it's natural, not to say that makes it ok. ALL people are animals. Intelligent, exceptional animals, who barely maintain the illusion of our control over our animalism. I'm sure many more people are turned on by rape than are willing to admit, so we here are just more enlightened!