Questions from a Newbie - Rape Board

carlybee · 03-20-2007, 05:38 PM

Well, I've been mostly lurking here, so it's high time I post, eh? So I've got a couple of things I've been wondering about.

First of all, some background on me. When I was much younger, I was raped twice. Also, my father suspects that my step-father did something to me, and since I can only remember things before and after I lived with him and my mother, it could be true. From what I've heard, most people who have rape fantasies and that kind of thing have never been actually raped, and don't have abuse in their backgrounds. But since I was 13 or so, I've thought of rape and use of force on me. When I look back on the rapes, it definitely wasn't a good for me, and was a very traumatizing experience. But yet I still think of being raped, whether by complete strangers or people I know. Anyways, I feel kinda weird about fantasizing about rape and (semi)violence, like I shouldn't given my background. Is this weird? Can you make any sense of it? Please share any thoughts about this.

Also, I was wondering how I could tell my boyfriend about my fantasies. He knows my history and knows how traumatic it was, so I'm not sure how he would feel about this or react. I'm not even sure he could roleplay like that either, he's so sweet. But then he knows I'm into kinky things and like it rough, and has commented on how strange it is that I don't have a problem with things like that... Any ideas or suggestions on this?

Andering REDDSON · 03-20-2007, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carlybee

Anyways, I feel kinda weird about fantasizing about rape and (semi)violence, like I shouldn't given my background. Is this weird? Can you make any sense of it?

Most of this, I canâ€™t help you with so I wonâ€™t say a thing, but this question Iâ€™d like to hit.
Several members (myself included) have been victims of sexual assault or abuse. No, itâ€™s not abnormal. Itâ€™s ok. Indeed, after my accident, I spontaneously mentioned writing about what happened to the doctor. He used a couple of $5Ã˜ words, but basically he said it was a good thing.
Keep it fantasy/fantasy role play. It can be therapeutic.

Luke rape stalker · 03-20-2007, 07:05 PM

welcome to the board carlybee!

i canÂ´t tell you why, but i can tell you about my ex gf. She love the roleplay think and want always play but the guy before me goes sometimes to far and raped her really.
When we roleplayed sometimes she remember and start shivering, crying and and and. I need always a half hour to calm her with all my tenderness.
I think rape fantasys are a rest in out DNA from the stoneage, a lot of people have this fantasys more or less. I like to say take your passion and make it happened. But be careful. Remember my gf. ItÂ´s not easy to experience it again and again.
You think your bf wouldÂ´nt play with you? check it out. People who know me would never think that iÂ´m a brutal fantasy rapist.
If you decide to play with your bf, donÂ´t forget a save word!!

Luke

Sodoman · 03-20-2007, 11:36 PM

Welcome to the board Carly!

Actually, if you read Huni Hearts thread in the idle talk forum, called, real rape thread, you will find out that there are quite a few members who have had rape and abuse in their lives. I'm one of them myself.

To answer your other question, no you're not weird. Some people who have been raped still become aroused by the thought of and actual forced sex role play. There are some who have not had rape or any other form of sexual abuse in their background but I think it's at least 50/50 and maybe a bit more towards most having some type of trauma in their lives.

Tanya · 03-21-2007, 02:03 AM

Hi Carly... Theres nothing wrong with you having rape fantasies. I have been raped before twice but still have them....

Grenadine · 03-21-2007, 04:17 AM

I've never been raped but I have had someone touch me when I didn't want them to. I had rape fantasies before the incident and I still do......but I didn't like the experience at all.

My boyfriend wishes I hadn't been through the ordeal but him and I both enjoy a healthy sex life with roleplaying envolving rape.

My suggestion would be to talk about it with him. If he is someone you plan on having in your life for a long time, keeping it a secret can be tougher than dealing with having the talk. My rule for myself is that I always tell my boyfriend things if it has something to do with him.

Hope that helps a little.

nathan · 03-21-2007, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carlybee

When I look back on the rapes, it definitely wasn't a good for me, and was a very traumatizing experience. But yet I still think of being raped, whether by complete strangers or people I know. Anyways, I feel kinda weird about fantasizing about rape and (semi)violence, like I shouldn't given my background. Is this weird? Can you make any sense of it? Please share any thoughts about this.

Also, I was wondering how I could tell my boyfriend about my fantasies. He knows my history and knows how traumatic it was, so I'm not sure how he would feel about this or react. I'm not even sure he could roleplay like that either, he's so sweet. But then he knows I'm into kinky things and like it rough, and has commented on how strange it is that I don't have a problem with things like that... Any ideas or suggestions on this?

Hi Carlybee,

As others have already said, it is very common for people who've had rape or traumatic experiences to fantasize about rape. Cudos to you for being open and honest enough with YOURSELF to think about and explore these feelings, however you choose to do it (in a safe way, I hope!). Many people feel so badly about having those feelings that they expend a lot of energy trying to deny them, or quash them in some way. They can be very potent and powerful feelings, and can, as has been said, be a force for healing... they can also be a force of self-destruction for some, sadly.

Your question of "why" is a very deep and personal question and one which is probably best answered for yourself than by someone else. In general, I would say that fantasizing about rape is a way to deal with some of your feelings in a safe situation where you have control over what happens... even if your fantasy is about not having control.

It can get complicated... which leads me to my other response. Your boyfriend. Many boyfriends, lovers and husbands of rape and trauma survivors also have very strong and conflicting feelings about all of this. Most of us feel very angry with the rapists and also frustrated and/or guilty that we weren't there to help or protect our beloveds. That doesn't mean that we may not ALSO have erotic responses to thoughts of our beloveds powerless to avoid the sexual advances of another. This is also very very common, and does not mean that we want or wanted our beloveds to be raped any more than your fantasies mean that you wanted to be raped. Fantasy is VERY different from reality, of course.

Whether your boyfriend has these feelings, or is prepared to acknowledge these feelings, you can only find out from talking with him. You might want to let him know that you have some feelings that have been hard for you to understand, but that you want to talk with him about them.

Good luck! and please feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat further.

nathan

tnc4fun · 03-21-2007, 05:04 PM

Real rape = no control, fantasy rape = control. There really is no similarity between the two.

Why do we like fantasy rape ? Because there is a difference between love and lust. We civilize the act of sex by making it part of a loving relationship. But, there are times when we want to let our animal out. That using or being used that is the very essence of lust. Unbridled passion that has no conscience, only the need for satisfaction. No expressions of undying love, only the taking or being taken. It's all very natural.

I'm going to stop now, this is getting me hot

MADDOGMCMANAMAN · 03-22-2007, 03:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tnc4fun

Real rape = no control, fantasy rape = control. There really is no similarity between the two.

Why do we like fantasy rape ? Because there is a difference between love and lust. We civilize the act of sex by making it part of a loving relationship. But, there are times when we want to let our animal out. That using or being used that is the very essence of lust. Unbridled passion that has no conscience, only the need for satisfaction. No expressions of undying love, only the taking or being taken. It's all very natural.

I'm going to stop now, this is getting me hot

FUCK ME I NOMINATE THIS GUY AS LEADER OF THE WORLD!!!! HOLY SHIT WHAT A FUCKING WELL PUT OPINION........I WISH I COULD EXPLAIN MYSELF LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HATS OFF TO YOU SIR

MADDOGMCMANAMAN · 03-22-2007, 03:45 AM

oh yeah Carly Bee....what happenned to u originally is way wrong.....however what u feel now is not... there is nothing wrong with having fantasies and if your bf is not understanding......DUMP THAT MUTHERFUCKER!! and then contact me of course!!

p.s. has your real dad done anything 2 ur stepdad??? jus curious cause if i was a dad and i found out my kid had been nonced by the stepdad.....the very least i would do is mutilate his senses!!! death would be too easy!!

Darkman · 03-22-2007, 05:38 AM

Hi I think that its perfectly natural to fantasise about being raped even after youve actually been raped for real. Reason being Im convinced its in our genes from birth what turns us on or off, like whether your gay or straight, like fat boys or girls, fetishes like poo, incest etc all fantastically strange but in most cases the individual will say that they had feelings towards their fetish from the start of their sexual life, ie around puberty. what i trying to say is that i reckon you would have fantasised about being raped whether you had those bad experiences or not. Its ok its not wrong.

carlybee · 03-22-2007, 06:21 AM

Thanks for all the response and welcoming! You're all so sweet

Lots of very good ideas and opinions there, and I feel much better, though I'm still gonna have to gather up the guts to tell my boyfriend. But I will, eventually... And I had no idea that so many people have rape fantasies even after it's happened for real! Makes me feel a little less insane, lol

And my dad just took me in to live with him after he suspected, but there is no hard proof and I can't even remember living with my mother and step-dad, so whether anything happened, or what exactly happened is not known. And, honestly, I would rather not know/remember.

carlybee · 03-29-2007, 05:18 AM

I finally told my boyfriend about my fantasies last night!!! And yes, I was very surprised by his response. First, he was like, "Uh... That's weird..." And then I explained that I couldn't really explain, but that I have rape fantasies none the less, and no, not about the actual rape. Then he admitted that he has also from time to time had fantasies of being the rapist! Unfortunately, it was too late at night to try anything, but I'm certainly looking forward to 3 when he gets home

He also told me to write out a fantasy, so I'd better get crackin'! Maybe I'll post it up after he's read it, too.

Mmmm, I think we were made for each other

Dutch_Rapist · 03-29-2007, 06:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carlybee

I finally told my boyfriend about my fantasies last night!!! And yes, I was very surprised by his response. First, he was like, "Uh... That's weird..." And then I explained that I couldn't really explain, but that I have rape fantasies none the less, and no, not about the actual rape. Then he admitted that he has also from time to time had fantasies of being the rapist! Unfortunately, it was too late at night to try anything, but I'm certainly looking forward to 3 when he gets home

He also told me to write out a fantasy, so I'd better get crackin'! Maybe I'll post it up after he's read it, too.

Mmmm, I think we were made for each other

Go, girl!

You guys have fun!

edd22 · 03-29-2007, 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carlybee

it definitely wasn't a good for me, and was a very traumatizing experience. But yet I still think of being raped, whether by complete strangers or people I know.

The way I see it there is a big difference between rp and real rape, with rp you know that it is consensual so you can enjoy it without it being traumatic whereas with real you have no choice and it is scary in my experience

and i think it is very good you have someone you can talk with and "play" around with. best of luck on your experience

Akirana · 03-29-2007, 10:33 AM

well hello people! this is carly's bf.
yeah, first i found it was a bit weird of her having those fantasies,
but then i was like, what the hell, i've had/have fantasies about being the rapist and also about being the rapee. I don't have a background of rape, but still fantasize about it, but i don't really understand mine for it is being tied to a table and getting raped by 5 or 6 men and i'm not even gay! sexually bisexual tho, but i still think it's a bit weird... i guess a lil' less weird after reading all these posts, but still a lil weird. well... ima end this post now.
have a nice day! ^^

(and yes carly... i think we where mad for eachother too! ^^)

hehe... P.S. no sex untill you've finished and posted your story LOL!

DominUncle · 03-29-2007, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carlybee

Well, I've been mostly lurking here, so it's high time I post, eh? So I've got a couple of things I've been wondering about...
Also, I was wondering how I could tell my boyfriend about my fantasies. He knows my history and knows how traumatic it was, so I'm not sure how he would feel about this or react. I'm not even sure he could roleplay like that either, he's so sweet. But then he knows I'm into kinky things and like it rough, and has commented on how strange it is that I don't have a problem with things like that... Any ideas or suggestions on this?

Answering as the husband of a rape victim, I can tell you how I feel about it: Any relationship thrives on honesty. When things are hidden they tend to come out in messy ways at inopportune times. You've told him about your rapes, be as open about your fantasies and desires. He may make stupid suggestions - after all he's a guy and that's what we do. We also ask dumb, seemingly unfeeling questions, especially when we care and we are trying to understand.
I don't know if he will be confused, shocked, turned off, aroused or what. We all respond differently. But I do know if he cares about you his response will be tempered by trying to do what he thinks you want. If he is too sweet to be as rough as you need, try to teach him. If he just can't do it you might explore how he feels about you getting your needs met by a third party (if the needs are stronger than your sense of fidelity). If you guys are together long enough and you don't get what you need, my experience tells me you will find a way to get it. Guys can deal with a lot to keep the woman they love happy. Give him a chance.

Andering REDDSON · 03-29-2007, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DominUncle

He may make stupid suggestions - after all he's a guy and that's what we do.

¡LOL! ¡That really is too true!
Carlybee and Akirana- Good luck in all this. I wil say a prayer for you.)

TwistedDesires26Fem · 03-31-2007, 09:15 PM

Carlybee, I began my rape fantasies a year or so after my actual rape. And even though I went through it again a few years ago, I still have them. However, the 2 incidents were totally unalike. As for it being normal or not, have no idea. I just consider myself a little twisted and enjoy the ride.

Tanya · 03-31-2007, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TwistedDesires26Fem

Carlybee, I began my rape fantasies a year or so after my actual rape. And even though I went through it again a few years ago, I still have them. However, the 2 incidents were totally unalike. As for it being normal or not, have no idea. I just consider myself a little twisted and enjoy the ride.

I was raped again last year for real and havent had rape fantsies quite as much....but im still here arnt i

03-20-2007, 05:38 PM	#1
carlybee Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Nederlands atm Posts: 63 Reputation: 47	Yay!!! (Edit) Well, I've been mostly lurking here, so it's high time I post, eh? So I've got a couple of things I've been wondering about. First of all, some background on me. When I was much younger, I was raped twice. Also, my father suspects that my step-father did something to me, and since I can only remember things before and after I lived with him and my mother, it could be true. From what I've heard, most people who have rape fantasies and that kind of thing have never been actually raped, and don't have abuse in their backgrounds. But since I was 13 or so, I've thought of rape and use of force on me. When I look back on the rapes, it definitely wasn't a good for me, and was a very traumatizing experience. But yet I still think of being raped, whether by complete strangers or people I know. Anyways, I feel kinda weird about fantasizing about rape and (semi)violence, like I shouldn't given my background. Is this weird? Can you make any sense of it? Please share any thoughts about this. Also, I was wondering how I could tell my boyfriend about my fantasies. He knows my history and knows how traumatic it was, so I'm not sure how he would feel about this or react. I'm not even sure he could roleplay like that either, he's so sweet. But then he knows I'm into kinky things and like it rough, and has commented on how strange it is that I don't have a problem with things like that... Any ideas or suggestions on this? Last edited by carlybee; 03-29-2007 at 05:18 AM.

03-20-2007, 11:36 PM	#4
Sodoman Backdoor Bandit Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: U.S. Posts: 2,144 Reputation: 28425	Welcome to the board Carly! Actually, if you read Huni Hearts thread in the idle talk forum, called, real rape thread, you will find out that there are quite a few members who have had rape and abuse in their lives. I'm one of them myself. To answer your other question, no you're not weird. Some people who have been raped still become aroused by the thought of and actual forced sex role play. There are some who have not had rape or any other form of sexual abuse in their background but I think it's at least 50/50 and maybe a bit more towards most having some type of trauma in their lives. __________________ "The mind is a beautiful thing to fuck."

03-21-2007, 02:03 AM	#5
Tanya Privileged Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 505 Reputation: 2134	Hi Carly... Theres nothing wrong with you having rape fantasies. I have been raped before twice but still have them.... __________________ When im good im very very good, but when im bad im better!

03-21-2007, 04:17 AM	#6
Grenadine Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Southern California Posts: 3 Reputation: 10	I've never been raped but I have had someone touch me when I didn't want them to. I had rape fantasies before the incident and I still do......but I didn't like the experience at all. My boyfriend wishes I hadn't been through the ordeal but him and I both enjoy a healthy sex life with roleplaying envolving rape. My suggestion would be to talk about it with him. If he is someone you plan on having in your life for a long time, keeping it a secret can be tougher than dealing with having the talk. My rule for myself is that I always tell my boyfriend things if it has something to do with him. Hope that helps a little. Last edited by Grenadine; 03-21-2007 at 09:34 AM.

03-22-2007, 03:45 AM	#10
MADDOGMCMANAMAN PUSSYCRUSHER Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: YOUR MOMMAS HOUSE Posts: 2,161 Reputation: 9875	oh yeah Carly Bee....what happenned to u originally is way wrong.....however what u feel now is not... there is nothing wrong with having fantasies and if your bf is not understanding......DUMP THAT MUTHERFUCKER!! and then contact me of course!! p.s. has your real dad done anything 2 ur stepdad??? jus curious cause if i was a dad and i found out my kid had been nonced by the stepdad.....the very least i would do is mutilate his senses!!! death would be too easy!! __________________ The Original PUSSYCRUSHER !!

03-20-2007, 07:05 PM	#3
Luke rape stalker or Jekyll and Hyde Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 781 Reputation: 1695	welcome to the board carlybee! i canÂ´t tell you why, but i can tell you about my ex gf. She love the roleplay think and want always play but the guy before me goes sometimes to far and raped her really. When we roleplayed sometimes she remember and start shivering, crying and and and. I need always a half hour to calm her with all my tenderness. I think rape fantasys are a rest in out DNA from the stoneage, a lot of people have this fantasys more or less. I like to say take your passion and make it happened. But be careful. Remember my gf. ItÂ´s not easy to experience it again and again. You think your bf wouldÂ´nt play with you? check it out. People who know me would never think that iÂ´m a brutal fantasy rapist. If you decide to play with your bf, donÂ´t forget a save word!! Luke

03-21-2007, 05:04 PM	#8
tnc4fun Privileged Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Maryland, USA Posts: 203 Reputation: 453	Real rape = no control, fantasy rape = control. There really is no similarity between the two. Why do we like fantasy rape ? Because there is a difference between love and lust. We civilize the act of sex by making it part of a loving relationship. But, there are times when we want to let our animal out. That using or being used that is the very essence of lust. Unbridled passion that has no conscience, only the need for satisfaction. No expressions of undying love, only the taking or being taken. It's all very natural. I'm going to stop now, this is getting me hot

03-22-2007, 05:38 AM	#11
Darkman its all give and take Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 688 Reputation: 179	Hi I think that its perfectly natural to fantasise about being raped even after youve actually been raped for real. Reason being Im convinced its in our genes from birth what turns us on or off, like whether your gay or straight, like fat boys or girls, fetishes like poo, incest etc all fantastically strange but in most cases the individual will say that they had feelings towards their fetish from the start of their sexual life, ie around puberty. what i trying to say is that i reckon you would have fantasised about being raped whether you had those bad experiences or not. Its ok its not wrong.

03-22-2007, 06:21 AM	#12
carlybee Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Nederlands atm Posts: 63 Reputation: 47	Thanks for all the response and welcoming! You're all so sweet Lots of very good ideas and opinions there, and I feel much better, though I'm still gonna have to gather up the guts to tell my boyfriend. But I will, eventually... And I had no idea that so many people have rape fantasies even after it's happened for real! Makes me feel a little less insane, lol And my dad just took me in to live with him after he suspected, but there is no hard proof and I can't even remember living with my mother and step-dad, so whether anything happened, or what exactly happened is not known. And, honestly, I would rather not know/remember.

03-29-2007, 05:18 AM	#13
carlybee Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Nederlands atm Posts: 63 Reputation: 47	I finally told my boyfriend about my fantasies last night!!! And yes, I was very surprised by his response. First, he was like, "Uh... That's weird..." And then I explained that I couldn't really explain, but that I have rape fantasies none the less, and no, not about the actual rape. Then he admitted that he has also from time to time had fantasies of being the rapist! Unfortunately, it was too late at night to try anything, but I'm certainly looking forward to 3 when he gets home He also told me to write out a fantasy, so I'd better get crackin'! Maybe I'll post it up after he's read it, too. Mmmm, I think we were made for each other

03-29-2007, 10:33 AM	#16
Akirana GrandMaster Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 501 Reputation: 3876	well hello people! this is carly's bf. yeah, first i found it was a bit weird of her having those fantasies, but then i was like, what the hell, i've had/have fantasies about being the rapist and also about being the rapee. I don't have a background of rape, but still fantasize about it, but i don't really understand mine for it is being tied to a table and getting raped by 5 or 6 men and i'm not even gay! sexually bisexual tho, but i still think it's a bit weird... i guess a lil' less weird after reading all these posts, but still a lil weird. well... ima end this post now. have a nice day! ^^ (and yes carly... i think we where mad for eachother too! ^^) hehe... P.S. no sex untill you've finished and posted your story LOL! Last edited by Akirana; 03-29-2007 at 11:24 AM.

03-31-2007, 09:15 PM	#19
TwistedDesires26Fem Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: US Posts: 15 Reputation: 12	Carlybee, I began my rape fantasies a year or so after my actual rape. And even though I went through it again a few years ago, I still have them. However, the 2 incidents were totally unalike. As for it being normal or not, have no idea. I just consider myself a little twisted and enjoy the ride. __________________ Twisted Desires