My fantasies are coming into reality

[taboocoo]

So I decided to come and join this board since I've been lurking/reading for quite some time. I've been reading posts by ChiTownHoney and I have so much in common with this poster.
Ever since I was about 12 years old or so I've been having rape fantasies.
Rapes in movies/stories of rape made me so horny.
Around that time, I actually wanted to be RAPED, literally. I wanted the emotional abuse that came with it, I wanted to EXPERIENCE it first hand, first person. Around 14/15 or so I joined an online teen forum and posted about how I wanted to be raped and things like that and got, you know, "you need help"
"you sick shit!" etcetc. I felt ashamed..until I came to this board and read some posts and was like wow, I'm not alone!
Alright, so I get off at guys being angry..I really hate it when guys let me walk all over them or they are too sissy. I HATE IT. I want a guy to come up and say, "Hey bitch, I'm gonna fuck you if you want to or not. A part of me is going to be inside of you if you like it or not. Got it, slut?" I've fantasized of gang rape,black guys raping me..but especially guys around 20-29 raping me who are white and angry!

About fantasy coming into reality..I put myself into a dangerous situation. This guy was staring at me/following me around a non-busy store. I knew he wanted me..I saw that LOOK in his eyes.He went to a secluded area of the store and I decided to follow him. He asked me what my name was, how old I was and I told him "18" and he said "daaaaammmnn". He asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said no. My mind was cloudy/I was so nervous. He asked me why not? I said I don't know. He deemed I don't like guys? And I said, yes, I don't like them. (I don't know..I was SO confused.) Well, I started walking away and all of a sudden he grabbed my arms and he said, "for today, you're my girlfriend, bitch. and today is the day you're going to like dick." he started feeling me up. i was struggling and told him to stop.
The bathrooms were right at the end of the aisle and he was dragging me there but I screamed and someone came and he fled REALLY fast. I was so dramatized. I was horny yet devastated. I was like in another world. My conscience was gone. I masturbated for weeks on that incident and played IN MY MIND what would have happened if that someone wasn't there and he slugged me into the bathrooms. He was a big guy and somehow it was like I wasn't fighting hard or to my best..for such a situation of that caliber.

I've had guys who are good looking, sweet, beautiful..but they were TOO sweet and submissive for me and I couldn't have sex with them. They didn't turn me on at all.

There's one guy I know who wants me. He is always so angry and that turns me the fuck on! Every time he sees me I can see him staring at me forever. Looking at me legs, my body, my boobs, my ass. He eye rapes me and man..do I ever wish..
I'm wondering if I can put myself into a situation and I'm pretty sure he would do something..
There's also another guy...


So I'm putting my fantasies into reality. Life is so boring for me! I need excitement! and just like ChiTownHoney said..REAL danger excites me not FAKE/role play. I've been told quite some times that this may be a problem within my subconscious. That the reason that I want to be raped lies there..
that I need counseling.

It's just.. I want slapping/soft hitting&punching. A guy being COMPLETELY dominate over me. Him being angry/wanting me so much that it's out of control and tells me how much of a worthless slut and a fucking bitch I am.

And I just..I don't know..want to know what you guys think!

[MeltyMan]

Thats beautiful, i wish more people were like u. Where r u from ?

[Noir]

I'd say trying to turn your fantasies to reality in the way you were describing it is not a good idea. Fantasies are one thing but even if the real thing might feel tempting it most likely will only scar you since you would lose control completely in a way which is far from being safe. As you already said the mall incident did have two sides in it and I believe that taking it any further than that would crush the fictional and pleasurable side and unleash the traumatazing side...

Well just my thoughts about this so I might be way off with this also.

[knightwriter]

It could also be that the pretense of sharing so much of her real self is part of the fantasy that she enjoys

[Uncle Al]

Nice fantasies. Keep dreaming, maybe someday somedude make your body cracks.

[ChiTownHoney]

Wow, its very interesting how you depict the incident and you were both scared and excited at the same time. You screamed for help out of instinct, yet something inside of you really did want it. Maybe the "almost-rape" incidents are the most exciting...because once we get past that...when our fantasies are really fullfilled, you dont know whats on the other side. The reason it is exciting is because you just dont know what could have happened, its the unknown, the danger...you can fantasize about what would have went down and it is exciting. I've been in the situation a few times. Its the "almost happened" that was really exciting for me. I of course fought all I could out of instinct, but I dont know if I really wanted it to happen. I do fantasize about the aftermath of a rape...being the victim..crying...feeling violated....talking in depth about it with others....all that excites me too.

When I am in a shady situation...like alone with a man who is a little scary and I get that "feeling", you know, that feeling where something isnt right. I get scared but at the same time I get these chills that excite me. Maybe we dont know if we really want it or if we are just excited by the possibility of it. Well...thats my deal anyways. Because if it really were to happen, the fantasy might be ruined. But like you stated, you know I dont like the roleplay stuff either because its just not exciting like real danger.

Thanks for sharing!

[crimsondesire]

I used to find that I would try to put myself in such situations, I attracted it into my life everyday. I wanted it, I wanted to be stalked, I wanted to be raped, I wanted to be obsessed over. I am not into role play, its not real, I want real, all that said,now, that I have a master, all I want is him. He is my only fantasy.

[crimsondesire]

Maybe you need somebody who is good looking sweet beautifull......who becomes so obsessed within you, they lose their mind and have to make you theirs?

[jwham]

I think role-play between two consenting adults is great, with use of a safe word it can keep things from going to far and lots of fun for the male and female.
If I were a female I wouldn’t be putting myself in a situation I couldn’t get myself out of, she might find it more than she bargained for.

[gaggirl]

like some of the other gals here I only fantasise about the real thing, not about the pretend, and gave away the pretend roleplaying in favour of the "real" fantasies in my head... given events of the last week, I might have to rethink how I have always thrown caution to the wind, and attracting/coveting the stalker/rape/edge of violence man in reality. rapes one thing, death is another. I can fully appreicate the excitement you felt, sounds delicious!! arg mixed feelings!

[rapist_waffen]

That dude is fu***** lucky. If I try something like that I'd be in jail for the rest of my life lol
I'd only do that in a crowded area though

[lioness]

I have that in common with each and every one of you girls. I wanted a real stalker, a real rapist, a real experience. The danger is very exciting and the anticipation is intensely arousing.

And, like ChiTownHoney, I have experienced attempted rape by strangers. My instinct was to run, and luckily I got away, but I believe that may have been a contributing factor to the intensity of my fantasies. There is a real sense of 'what if'....

I realize now, however, seeking out the real thing is a selfish act. If what you are seeking is to be cared about intensely, or to feel so desired that a man would risk his freedom to take you, then you had better open your eyes to the darker reality of rape. Most real rapists are acting out of hate, not desire, and they couldn't care less about you, they only want to use your body for a certain period of time and then leave you destroyed and terrified. Some may even want to hurt you and make you suffer during the rape. They get off on your misery and humiliation. If they knew you were enjoying it, they might just take it that one step further to make sure you didn't. Often the reality is that women who are abducted for rape don't end up coming home. I don't think any of us ladies here want that in reality!!!

Ultimately, the danger is not worth it. You have to think of how it would affect your friends and family if they knew you got raped, or worse, how devastated they would be by your loss. Let's just say, you wouldn't be the only victim. That is why it is selfish.