What would make you tell ? - Rape Board

badgirl2 · 05-26-2010, 02:38 AM

Ladies, If you were raped would you tell your husband or boyfriend? Would you tell if you knew your rapist? What if he was your co-worker? What if he was a friend or co-worker of your husbands? If he was a stranger?

Would you not tell your husband because he would blame you. Or would you be afraid that he would be arroused by your rape?

Fae · 06-03-2010, 05:01 PM

I don't respond to stuff often but the best defense a rapist has is if the victim never talks.

If I was raped, I'd start with the cops, then a lawyer, my husband, my friends and family for support, a woman's advocacy group for legal advice and help, and then every female that man has contact with from friends, to coworkers, even his family would get warned so he can't target them and so that every time he turned around he would have to deal with someone who knows what he did. I would follow through on the legal end of it and then make sure he gets on the list of Registered Sex Offenders and then make sure everyone in any neighborhood he ever lives in knows he's on that list.

Oh, yes canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t forget posting his name, offence, and picture on victimsÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ websites. I had to do that once with a guy who was targeting elderly for housing scams after he targeted my father. I found out that he had done it to others from a site online and we posted updated information to try to help future victims find case precedent on him in case he tries again once he gets out of jail. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d be happy to do the same for any real rapist.

. . . But I'm just nice like that.

pravjey · 06-04-2010, 04:13 AM

I totally agree. One could say that a rape victim (or any crime victim for that matter) has a social duty to report it if only to give the respective authorities a greater chance of making sure that the rapist does not do it again. By not reporting a crime committed against you, you do bear some responsibility if that criminal strikes again.

BamaGurl · 06-14-2010, 08:14 PM

I get yalls point, I honestly do, but I would have to say that I probably wouldnt tell....Not if I didnt have to, and by that I mean if I need medical attention then I would probably have some explaining to do, but as far as for the "justice" reason I probably wouldnt. I say probably because fortunately Ive never been put in that situation. I think I would be ashamed, and wouldnt want those close to me to know. I would feel like they would judge me, and then there is the whole legal process that victimizes (here it does anyway) the women more than a rape does...ive seen how it works, they act like you made it up and YOU have to prove that it wasnt consensual.

HOWEVER!!!! that doesnt mean that I wouldnt kick ass and take names

Its called revenge

with that said, no stalking and planning...I said PROBABLY lol

Lil-Mac · 08-03-2010, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BamaGurl

with that said, no stalking and planning...I said PROBABLY lol

Damn the bad luck. I was all ready to jump in the car!!

IMRAZOR · 08-07-2010, 06:07 AM

So there's no-one here who's boyfriend/husband would, if told, brand them a slut and make them a prisoner-rapeslave?

Damn, men are so civilised these days!

gaggirl · 08-14-2010, 08:25 AM

It once happened and I didnt tell as it was my own stupidity that caused it. Imagine the reaction of cops finding out my hobby I wouldnt need that kind of victimisation on top of everything. I dont know if I would tell my husband if it happened now, because he might think I invited it.

if it was someone we knew I would probably tell my partner and thats it (or their partner maybe I dont know thankfully never been in that situation), and if I was beaten, I would definitely tell! If it was a stranger and I wasnt hurt, I dont know.. who knows how your going to feel and what you can withstand legally. Last time I had my own ways of getting over it just fine. It helped that I took some little form of control during my situation.

I guess you never know how its going to affect you til it happens though and what the circumstances are.

scarletembrace · 09-15-2010, 08:59 PM

Before I was with my partner if it were somebody i cared about i wouldnt tell cause would feel like I had invited it and probably honestly wouldnt mind very much and now I wouldnt tell if it were my partner,no matter what they done to me. If it were anybody else now though,i would soooo tell because my boyfriend is my best friend and i dont want to hide anything from them ever and the idea of having somebody else touch me is disgusting and i dont welcome it.

Carrie · 10-03-2010, 04:11 AM

I'm not sure what would make me tell, I know that sounds horrible. I've been raped by 2 ex's (not ex's at the time) and never told for what I think is obvious reasons and
that's because they were my bf's at the time. Before those instances happened I wasn't really sure if it was rape. My gf and I went out to a bar and I met a guy who I liked and gave him my phone number. I left when the bar closed (4 am) and he called shortly afterwards and asked if he could come over. At first I told him no I was going to do a wash and go to bed but he pushed it and I eventually said ok but just for a few minutes. I did voluntarily kiss him and he immediately went up my shirt and I tried to push him away but he wasn't having any of that and started playing with my tits. I didn't wear a bra then and don't now only because I don't feel I need one. He pushed me to the couch and unbuttoned my jeans and I'm telling him "no, I don't want to do this" and he stops for just a moment. He says he hates when a woman leads him on and then acts like she doesn't want it. He said he always feels like he'd be justified raping her. Honestly the word rape hadn't entered my mind until he said it and
it terrified me that he was going to rape me. I thought it better if I let him have sex with me then to have him rape me and that's what happened.

Lastly and this instance was before any of the others was one of the most humiliating because I was a virgin at the time. It wasn't a rape but it was as bad as any of
the rapes I later encountered. I started working in a factory right after highschool and after a few months was promoted to being in charge of the line. I had to
label the boxes that came off the line and the guy who picked up the pallets didn't like the way I printed. Seriously, the way I printed! I have a back hand slash and
he thought I was trying to impress somebody with the way I wrote. I told him he was f"ing nuts. Well a short time later he came to pick up the pallet of boxes and
he again started arguing about my printing. He physically came towards me and forced me to back up into the boxes and I fell backwards. He then jumped on top of
me and pushed my legs apart (I was wearing jeans) and play raped me! Seriously he acted like he was f'ing me right there in the workplace! Ok it was break time
and I have no idea who or if anyone saw him but I was so humiliated! I didn't report it, I think that would have made it worse. But to this day I remember how humiliated
I was and I'm sure he remembers it as something he got away with.

So what would make me report a rape? I'm not sure.

anotherraprx · 10-12-2011, 02:06 PM

If my wife was raped and wasn't hurt, I encourage her to not go to the police. Often, the woman is the one put on trial...is she promiscuous, does she like sex (even with just your husband), do you dress provocatively.
I'd be supportive and fuck her as soon as I could to prove to her that I still wanted her.

Songbird · 10-12-2011, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anotherraprx

I'd be supportive and fuck her as soon as I could to prove to her that I still wanted her.

That's honestly probably the best thing you could possibly do. Just completely erase her feelings of being used through sex and hear emotional scarring. If left along too long, sex is always going to be a bad and dirty thing, even if just in the back of her mind.

My ex-boyfriend took my virginity, and he once told me that he would break up with me if I was ever raped, because I wouldn't be "clean" anymore. I found that horrible and offensive, especially considering he wasn't a virgin when we met, so technically he wasn't "clean" if those are his standards.

Fae · 10-13-2011, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Songbird

My ex-boyfriend took my virginity, and he once told me that he would break up with me if I was ever raped, because I wouldn't be "clean" anymore. I found that horrible and offensive, especially considering he wasn't a virgin when we met, so technically he wasn't "clean" if those are his standards.

I got the same comment from an ex though not about being raped. If I had sex with anyone I would be "dirty" and he wouldn't want me anymore even though he had numerous other girlfriends while we were together. I think guys who say that are usually speaking for themselves.

Hume L. Yates · 10-18-2011, 12:23 AM

Quote:

I started working in a factory right after highschool and after a few months was promoted to being in charge of the line. I had to
label the boxes that came off the line and the guy who picked up the pallets didn't like the way I printed. Seriously, the way I printed! I have a back hand slash and
he thought I was trying to impress somebody with the way I wrote. I told him he was f"ing nuts. Well a short time later he came to pick up the pallet of boxes and
he again started arguing about my printing. He physically came towards me and forced me to back up into the boxes and I fell backwards. He then jumped on top of
me and pushed my legs apart (I was wearing jeans) and play raped me! Seriously he acted like he was f'ing me right there in the workplace! Ok it was break time
and I have no idea who or if anyone saw him but I was so humiliated! I didn't report it, I think that would have made it worse. But to this day I remember how humiliated
I was and I'm sure he remembers it as something he got away with.

Getting felt up on the subway isn’t the same as rape, but perhaps one barometer on whether you’d report a rape is whether or not you’ve reported a milder incident. Who here has been harassed at work or caught a peeper or been groped in public, and did you report it or tell your husband/boyfriend, or did you keep it to yourself? And what men here have had their wives/girlfriends tell them about such intrusions, and what was your reaction or advise?

Along these lines I can only think of one specific incident where my wife told me about being touched, many years ago. We were at a ballgame, she had been to the concession stands and was working her way down our row back to her seat past a group of men when one guy slapped her butt. I didn’t see it. Her mother saw it, but neither said anything at the time, but later my wife told me about it. In that case I was glad that she didn’t tell me at the time, because I would have been pissed, but taking on a group of guys would likely have gotten me beat up or arrested.

The only other thing was she used to be a nurse in a hospital, and she once suggested that it’s not uncommon for a patient to put his hands on a nurse, and there isn’t much they can do about it – slapping patients is frowned upon – so they just try to stop the patients and don’t report it.

As for worrying about whether your husband/boyfriend would get aroused – are there that many of us out there? And if you’re on this board, are you really worried about that?

05-26-2010, 02:38 AM	#1
badgirl2 Junior Member Join Date: May 2010 Location: torrence, california Posts: 7 Reputation: 10	What would make you tell ? Ladies, If you were raped would you tell your husband or boyfriend? Would you tell if you knew your rapist? What if he was your co-worker? What if he was a friend or co-worker of your husbands? If he was a stranger? Would you not tell your husband because he would blame you. Or would you be afraid that he would be arroused by your rape?

08-14-2010, 08:25 AM	#7
gaggirl * yawn * Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Australia Posts: 3,058 Reputation: 40178	It once happened and I didnt tell as it was my own stupidity that caused it. Imagine the reaction of cops finding out my hobby I wouldnt need that kind of victimisation on top of everything. I dont know if I would tell my husband if it happened now, because he might think I invited it. if it was someone we knew I would probably tell my partner and thats it (or their partner maybe I dont know thankfully never been in that situation), and if I was beaten, I would definitely tell! If it was a stranger and I wasnt hurt, I dont know.. who knows how your going to feel and what you can withstand legally. Last time I had my own ways of getting over it just fine. It helped that I took some little form of control during my situation. I guess you never know how its going to affect you til it happens though and what the circumstances are. Last edited by gaggirl; 08-14-2010 at 08:33 AM.

10-12-2011, 02:06 PM	#10
anotherraprx Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 10 Reputation: 272	If my wife was raped If my wife was raped and wasn't hurt, I encourage her to not go to the police. Often, the woman is the one put on trial...is she promiscuous, does she like sex (even with just your husband), do you dress provocatively. I'd be supportive and fuck her as soon as I could to prove to her that I still wanted her.

06-03-2010, 05:01 PM	#2
Fae Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 133 Reputation: 17279	I don't respond to stuff often but the best defense a rapist has is if the victim never talks. If I was raped, I'd start with the cops, then a lawyer, my husband, my friends and family for support, a woman's advocacy group for legal advice and help, and then every female that man has contact with from friends, to coworkers, even his family would get warned so he can't target them and so that every time he turned around he would have to deal with someone who knows what he did. I would follow through on the legal end of it and then make sure he gets on the list of Registered Sex Offenders and then make sure everyone in any neighborhood he ever lives in knows he's on that list. Oh, yes canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t forget posting his name, offence, and picture on victimsÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ websites. I had to do that once with a guy who was targeting elderly for housing scams after he targeted my father. I found out that he had done it to others from a site online and we posted updated information to try to help future victims find case precedent on him in case he tries again once he gets out of jail. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d be happy to do the same for any real rapist. . . . But I'm just nice like that.

06-04-2010, 04:13 AM	#3
pravjey Senior Member Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 150 Reputation: 65	I totally agree. One could say that a rape victim (or any crime victim for that matter) has a social duty to report it if only to give the respective authorities a greater chance of making sure that the rapist does not do it again. By not reporting a crime committed against you, you do bear some responsibility if that criminal strikes again.

06-14-2010, 08:14 PM	#4
BamaGurl Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In the dirty south baby! Posts: 47 Reputation: 2095	I get yalls point, I honestly do, but I would have to say that I probably wouldnt tell....Not if I didnt have to, and by that I mean if I need medical attention then I would probably have some explaining to do, but as far as for the "justice" reason I probably wouldnt. I say probably because fortunately Ive never been put in that situation. I think I would be ashamed, and wouldnt want those close to me to know. I would feel like they would judge me, and then there is the whole legal process that victimizes (here it does anyway) the women more than a rape does...ive seen how it works, they act like you made it up and YOU have to prove that it wasnt consensual. HOWEVER!!!! that doesnt mean that I wouldnt kick ass and take names Its called revenge with that said, no stalking and planning...I said PROBABLY lol

08-07-2010, 06:07 AM	#6
IMRAZOR Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: LONDON AREA Posts: 74 Reputation: -599	So there's no-one here who's boyfriend/husband would, if told, brand them a slut and make them a prisoner-rapeslave? Damn, men are so civilised these days!

09-15-2010, 08:59 PM	#8
scarletembrace Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: In another reality Posts: 40 Reputation: 779	Before I was with my partner if it were somebody i cared about i wouldnt tell cause would feel like I had invited it and probably honestly wouldnt mind very much and now I wouldnt tell if it were my partner,no matter what they done to me. If it were anybody else now though,i would soooo tell because my boyfriend is my best friend and i dont want to hide anything from them ever and the idea of having somebody else touch me is disgusting and i dont welcome it.

10-03-2010, 04:11 AM	#9
Carrie Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 190 Reputation: 5377	I'm not sure what would make me tell, I know that sounds horrible. I've been raped by 2 ex's (not ex's at the time) and never told for what I think is obvious reasons and that's because they were my bf's at the time. Before those instances happened I wasn't really sure if it was rape. My gf and I went out to a bar and I met a guy who I liked and gave him my phone number. I left when the bar closed (4 am) and he called shortly afterwards and asked if he could come over. At first I told him no I was going to do a wash and go to bed but he pushed it and I eventually said ok but just for a few minutes. I did voluntarily kiss him and he immediately went up my shirt and I tried to push him away but he wasn't having any of that and started playing with my tits. I didn't wear a bra then and don't now only because I don't feel I need one. He pushed me to the couch and unbuttoned my jeans and I'm telling him "no, I don't want to do this" and he stops for just a moment. He says he hates when a woman leads him on and then acts like she doesn't want it. He said he always feels like he'd be justified raping her. Honestly the word rape hadn't entered my mind until he said it and it terrified me that he was going to rape me. I thought it better if I let him have sex with me then to have him rape me and that's what happened. Lastly and this instance was before any of the others was one of the most humiliating because I was a virgin at the time. It wasn't a rape but it was as bad as any of the rapes I later encountered. I started working in a factory right after highschool and after a few months was promoted to being in charge of the line. I had to label the boxes that came off the line and the guy who picked up the pallets didn't like the way I printed. Seriously, the way I printed! I have a back hand slash and he thought I was trying to impress somebody with the way I wrote. I told him he was f"ing nuts. Well a short time later he came to pick up the pallet of boxes and he again started arguing about my printing. He physically came towards me and forced me to back up into the boxes and I fell backwards. He then jumped on top of me and pushed my legs apart (I was wearing jeans) and play raped me! Seriously he acted like he was f'ing me right there in the workplace! Ok it was break time and I have no idea who or if anyone saw him but I was so humiliated! I didn't report it, I think that would have made it worse. But to this day I remember how humiliated I was and I'm sure he remembers it as something he got away with. So what would make me report a rape? I'm not sure.