Just a girl

[Azores89]

Have you ever thought about the girl who despise
her own reflection?
She was young...and empty
She was sure she won't get anyone to want her.
It's not like there were none that interested in her..
but they didn't want her, more than she want them.
It's an inferiority.
Where she always lose and fooled.
Coz when she loved she falls too hard.
And knock her head down. Knocked her conscience over
But the memories continued to stay
Doesn't that make her a liar?
She just needs them for how she'll look at herself.
And keep her sanity in the so called normal life and routines.
suddenly
On a fine day the dream shows its face.
When she was taken away in the backseat
of a stolen car

It moved deeper into the woods
He was violent with her.
but only because she fought to live.
He didn't even look at her.
He told her what a cheap treat he got, called her names
but the car still moves..
A thin self-respect on her make her tears less than it would.
The burning pain on her groin is meagre compared to
the pains of a bruised heart.
For once in her life
she thought she was wanted.
of course, more than she wanted
She doesn't even know she'd be chosen
by this man she never knew.
For a minute she's on top of the world.
She had dreamed of it for a time..
What could made her a willing victim,
stayed under his basement.
Waiting to get him look at her the way he did before she knew him
Or waiting for him to get sick and bored of her
Maybe one day he'd throw her away.
And she'd be alive. Able to hail a good samaritan
who'd be terrified to learn what had happened to her.
And return her to her parents, brothers and sisters.
She'd be safe.

But nothing can blur the reality,
that the truth is,
No one had wanted her.
Even a man who is a monster, who used her and her body over and over again
For his ecstasy.
Hadn't wanted her, for her hair, or her eyes, or the mole on her face.
Hadn't wanted her, when she lay down looking up to the rotten ceiling
While he's gunning inside her, hands cuffed
Limped and surrendered
Hadn't wanted her, for who she really is.
That she wants this like he did.
She thought...who would ever want this creep who lives inside me?


This must be the weirdest feeling in the world.
'I am sorry, Mom. For this is what I want.'

THE END