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Old 02-15-2009, 07:00 PM   #221
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First: You´re not to blame for beinf raped. You´re a victim, not a guilty one.

Second: Life goes on and you have to recover at all. I know it´s hard, but you must be strong and learn to accept living with that experience.

Third: I suffered and attempted rape when I was 16 and I´ve never talked about it to my relatives (parents or sisters) or my boyfriends. Just a very few number of closed female friends know my experience. In fact, one of them was raped too, and I talked about it to help her to recover. It was a few years until I talked about that for the first time.
I think it´s normal that you haven´t talked about your rape to anybody.
Now a lot of people I don´t know (and that they don´t know who I am) have read about my attempted rape.

A lot of hugs for you.
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Old 02-15-2009, 08:24 PM   #222
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Thanks Beardy for your words of compassion.

I do honestly feel like had I said yes, I wouldn't have been put through that situation.

Can't help but feel like somehow it was my fault.
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Old 02-15-2009, 08:25 PM   #223
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Very well put Beardy. When I can rep I will rep you.

Reimagined- She is correct. It was not your fault and you were a victim.

In this world we have some people that do monsterous things. What happened to you was wrong. It violated your trust and many other components in that relationship besides the crime that was committed.

You can't continue to blame yourself or feel guilty dear. You need to take that internal strength you have and go forward. You can overcome that and you can recognize that internal strength.

I don't know what more to say and hope I added some encouragement. It just tugs at my heart strings...so I offer my best and a hug.
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Old 02-15-2009, 09:08 PM   #224
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Thanks RLA. It's just hard to believe that. You think when something that horrific happens to you, it's because of something you did. Maybe it's my way of trying to understand why it happened.
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Old 02-15-2009, 09:15 PM   #225
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Thanks RLA. It's just hard to believe that. You think when something that horrific happens to you, it's because of something you did. Maybe it's my way of trying to understand why it happened.
Bad things happen to good people. I want to be careful what I say but i wanted to follow up here.

You did nothing wrong and nothing to deserve it.

What you can do is go forward and be the strong young woman that you are capable of being to be victorious over this.
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Old 02-15-2009, 09:46 PM   #226
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Unfortunately, that's easier said than done.

Part of the reason why I haven't dated anyone since. The one thing I'm searching for is an answer. And even if I find one, I don't know if I'll be able to move on. I'm not sure I would even know how.

It's as if one puts a destination on a map, and tells me to 'Get to that point'. Only problem is, there is no path or stepping stones along the way. No direction. Just a point. That point I'm supposed to get to is to "move on". I just wish people understood.
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Old 02-15-2009, 09:52 PM   #227
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Unfortunately, that's easier said than done.

Part of the reason why I haven't dated anyone since. The one thing I'm searching for is an answer. And even if I find one, I don't know if I'll be able to move on. I'm not sure I would even know how.

It's as if one puts a destination on a map, and tells me to 'Get to that point'. Only problem is, there is no path or stepping stones along the way. No direction. Just a point. That point I'm supposed to get to is to "move on". I just wish people understood.
You are right dear. Moving on requires you do it on your terms.

I PMed you and as said wish you nothing but the best.
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Old 02-15-2009, 10:05 PM   #228
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Default My Two cents...

Reimagined you have to know that even if i'm a member of this board i hate with all myself rapists and anything associated to it.
When i finished to read your post i felt the necessity to write something about it...i never experimented something so severe
and extreme...you know...so my point of view can't be the perfect one...i know...outside there are tons of rapists, liars & scumbags...
yes it's true...honestly i don't know if this will count for you...but i can tell you that for me you can't go in down just because of it...
and i have a strong reason for tell you this...you comes here...and you told us what is happened...this tells me something about you...
to me you already goes over it...now...is just the time to live the life you deserve...and let this "story" behind you back!
I'm not saying that is easy...ok??? I'm just saying that you can do it...you just have to believe in yourself!
Sounds crazy??? Don't think so!!! Otherwise you will be not here!!! Not???!!!

WELCOME TO RAPEBOARD!!!!!


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Old 02-15-2009, 10:13 PM   #229
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Maradona,

Thanks for your support hun.

I think what I've been doing for the past six years was handle it on my own. Sometimes pushing it out of my mind, while other times dwelling on it so much that I would drive myself nuts. I love the positive attitude about moving forward, but you need to know that just like a car needs gas to move forward, so does a person need an understanding to keep going.

In my case, I'm desperate to know what I did. Maybe I'm chasing the wind with this, but if I were honest with myself, it's almost easier to place the blame on myself because then, at least it's something. Even though a good number of you kind folks has said it was not my fault for the actions of another.

Like I said before, I look at the decision I made back then and think, had I said yes. This wouldn't have happened. Not sure if that made any sense.
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Old 02-15-2009, 10:20 PM   #230
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No it has a sense...but from the things you said i think you already moved on....could be wrong...but this is what i feel...
i'm not positive or negative...i just speak the truth...and i think you are on the right road...
unfortunatelly i can't give you the answer you are looking for...i'm just a man...
but you seems to be an awensome person..so i'm sure you will find it by yourself!
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Old 02-15-2009, 10:25 PM   #231
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<snip>
In my case, I'm desperate to know what I did. Maybe I'm chasing the wind with this, but if I were honest with myself, it's almost easier to place the blame on myself because then, at least it's something. Even though a good number of you kind folks has said it was not my fault for the actions of another.

Like I said before, I look at the decision I made back then and think, had I said yes. This wouldn't have happened. Not sure if that made any sense.
Reimagined,

If I may here, while there are folks on this board who can identify with you directly as you have found in this thread and you also will find sympathetic ears from many of the men here on this forum. But in the end much of the focus of this forum is as fantasy site for various forms of rape roleplay. Given that you still blame yourself for what happened it seems to me that you still haven't fully come to grips with what happened to you and are yet searching for catharsis. I would recommend that if you haven't already you may wish to seek out a rape survivor forum {not necessarily to replace your being here but as an additional avenue to aid in your healing}. I am not trying to drive you from here of course, we are happy to have all members who come here for a variety of reasons. I wish you well and hope you can find peace with your inner demons.

Cheers all from the Stainless Steel Rat
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Old 02-15-2009, 10:43 PM   #232
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I appreciate and thank you your recommendation. Though I still wish my words could accurately reflect what I'm trying to say. But yes, Stainless...I haven't come to grips with this.
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Old 02-19-2009, 05:17 AM   #233
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If you have come here to try and understand why, like some survivors do, i don't think you will find the answer. Rape fantasy has different motives most of the time to real rape./

You didn't do ANYTHING wrong. What happened to you was was because its what HE did.
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Old 02-19-2009, 05:35 AM   #234
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Thanks Beardy for your words of compassion.

I do honestly feel like had I said yes, I wouldn't have been put through that situation.

Can't help but feel like somehow it was my fault.
Hey. I just read this and your first post in this thread. Its alot easier to tell complete strangers.

I know I felt (and still do alot) like I wish I hadn't tried to resist. He was raping me already and i kicked him and he got really angry......
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Old 02-19-2009, 01:08 PM   #235
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Hey. I just read this and your first post in this thread. Its alot easier to tell complete strangers.

I know I felt (and still do alot) like I wish I hadn't tried to resist. He was raping me already and i kicked him and he got really angry......
And I don't know if it makes sense to you, Tanya. But people wonder, why blame yourself?

Thing is, when something happens, you want to find an answer that somehow explains why it happened. Just hearing, "Bad things happen to good people" doesn't help.

Did I have any responsibility in this? What could I have done differently? Could I have been more direct? Maybe I should have said yes...

I know it sounds dumb but, somehow believing it's my fault provides a sense of resolution. Like, at least it's something, rather than staring out into my life trying to rack my brain figuring out why it happened the way it did, and leaving big gaping question mark.
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Old 02-20-2009, 02:59 AM   #236
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believe it or not I do understand and you don't sound dumb at all. Blaming ourselves is easier. I had another experience i recently only told my psyhologist about and had never really admitted to myself it was rape. It is sooo much harder to accept...
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Old 02-20-2009, 05:27 PM   #237
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And I don't know if it makes sense to you, Tanya. But people wonder, why blame yourself?

Thing is, when something happens, you want to find an answer that somehow explains why it happened. Just hearing, "Bad things happen to good people" doesn't help.

Did I have any responsibility in this? What could I have done differently? Could I have been more direct? Maybe I should have said yes...

I know it sounds dumb but, somehow believing it's my fault provides a sense of resolution. Like, at least it's something, rather than staring out into my life trying to rack my brain figuring out why it happened the way it did, and leaving big gaping question mark.
Kera,

The answer to why it happened is that your boyfriend doesn't have boundaries. Regardless of who he was with, he would have done the same thing. It's not your fault but I know that knowing that intellectually is very different from believing it in your heart.

The damage he did was to steal your confidence and make you question your judgment. I understand why you think that it's your fault since you choose him as your boyfriend. Once you say "no", he has the responsibility to stop. You were clear. He didn't care.

I suggest that you get some counseling. Recovery comes in bursts. Eventually, you will get to the anger and that's not pretty. Keep in mind that recovery is like a pendulum swinging from being the victim to such rage that you could tear someone apart. The good news is that eventually, your emotions will settle somewhere in the middle.

I urge you to speak with a professional. When you call, ask how much experience they have with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and rape.

PM me if you would like to talk.
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Old 02-23-2009, 02:53 PM   #238
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I'm beginning to see that this isn't the place for me to be. After reading some insensitive stuff on here.
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Old 02-24-2009, 04:25 PM   #239
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Eventually not.
No matter how personal, sensitive, sad, whatever the subject - you can always count on some morons running in to spew their rubbish and insult people or make fun of them.
Don't get me wrong, there are also a lot of people around here who'll step up and hunt him down, torches burning but be prepared to receive your share of idiotic comments whenever you tell something.
I will throw anyone out of this threat - as well as any inappropriate comments - but still ... this place is like every other one: Wankers are around.
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Old 02-24-2009, 04:30 PM   #240
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I'm beginning to see that this isn't the place for me to be. After reading some insensitive stuff on here.
I know what you said...but not everyone here is a pathetic maniac...to me you can find some good friends on RB...
but it's up to you...i just think that you should not leave the site just because you saw something of bad...
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