About a Girl (Long Post) - What Should I Do?

[AWDracer]

Thanks to everyone who read and replied.

I'm going to head to bed.

Please, if you have any more thoughts, please continue on here. Anyone else who is on EST, should go to sleep. It's 3 am!

Good night and thanks for the help. I really appreciate it.

[theDarkOne]

Originally Posted by AWDracer

Oh and then that motto makes particularly more sense than because of that. What happened? I'm really glad that you are alive and kicking now though.

My lung collapsed and they put the chest tube into far.Fucked my lung up even more.It also effected my heart.Then my blood stopped clotting.Had to have major surgery to fix things.I was in the ICU for over a week.They had my family fly out because it did not look good.Crazy stuff.Now i have cool scars.(that was a joke)Boo Hoo poor me.It mess me up.Still to this day.

Thanks for the kind words

Good Night...

[Fibonacci]

Originally Posted by theDarkOne

My lung collapsed and they put the chest tube into far.Fucked my lung up even more.It also effected my heart.Then my blood stopped clotting.Had to have major surgery to fix things.I was in the ICU for over a week.They had my family fly out because it did not look good.Crazy stuff.Now i have cool scars.(that was a joke)Boo Hoo poor me.It mess me up.Still to this day.

Thanks for the kind words

Good Night...

Just ...

[Fibonacci]

Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney

So if you decide you like her, dont ask her straight out if she likes you because that puts her on the spot. Who knows, by the looks of it, she might not mind that sort of thing, but to the average woman, we dont like that. You should instead do things that will make her realize that you like her, like touching her gently when you are around her, sweeping her hair, touching her hips slightly to move her out of your way when you need to get around her (thats always worked with me!). Look in her eyes when you talk to her. Get to know her. Dont talk too much about yourself. Be cool though, dont let her know that you are thinking about the situation too much. If she doesnt call you when she says she will, dont get all questionable why she didnt call you when you talk to her next. Keep it cool, pretend you did not even notice it. Finally, do all these things as they come naturally, the worst thing that you can do is push yourself to hold her hand or put your arm around her...its just uncomfortable. You may wonder when the right time is...well that I cant tell you, because its you who will know once you get those feelings and you will just want to cuddle with her, then its natural. I am not sure how much help this was, but if you have anymore questions, I'll try my best to help.

Wise words. I feel like asking her 'Do you like/love me?' is a bit ... inappropriate? This sounds to me a little like ... 'Ok, I may like you, but how about you? And you are taking all the responsibility of the situation and what you say now.'

First, you really have to know, if you love or may love her. Believe me, it is worse to get out of a relationship you just started and find out it is a bad idea, then to get into it Unless you are nearly sure, just stay friendly, take your time and don't do things that may push any of you into stress situation.

Then, when you decide (yes), you have many possibilities to show her your feelings and find out hers without saying that. Just touch her gently on her arm when you meet ... (Chi described it well). The touches are great When she don't refuse them, you know you are on a right way. You may hold her hand for a while and then ... ... sweet first short kiss ... We are talking here about days, not month probably. Then something will happen if you both feel it the same.


-----
Well, I am not a Don Juan myself, I am rather shy too but this work for me usually. This are not the games. The 'games' it is, when you play it constantly and with three girls at once.

But it reminds me of starting with my girlfriend She was studying here as a foreigner and had a boyfriend at home, who she loved. So she told me, she will never be with me. But everything was very interesting here for her. So I took her time to time to a theater, concert or just to spend a weekend somewhere out with other friends.

Then I invite her home sometimes, I like cooking so I prepared something, we watched some movies and then it was very late, so she stayed, I slept on couch. Once she stayed when we were packed for staying outside during weekend and this couch was full of things So I told her, we can sleep in one bed, she will have clothes and I'll try nothing ... This was our fist night together, just sleeping, I had an arm over her and that's all

But there it started, we felt in love. We had some terrible moments, when her boyfriend should have come to visit her, or she had to go home for a while ... some terrible some funny stories, we even split for a year. But now we are about three years together, we live together and it is great.
-----


So, good luck. Anything can happen

[AWDracer]

Originally Posted by theDarkOne

My lung collapsed and they put the chest tube into far.Fucked my lung up even more.It also effected my heart.Then my blood stopped clotting.Had to have major surgery to fix things.I was in the ICU for over a week.They had my family fly out because it did not look good.Crazy stuff.Now i have cool scars.(that was a joke)Boo Hoo poor me.It mess me up.Still to this day.

Thanks for the kind words

Good Night...

That sounds brutal :/. It still messes you up? Are there limitations to how you use your lung (i.e. not too intense during running etc?). All in all, at least you're alive

Originally Posted by Fibonacci

Wise words. I feel like asking her 'Do you like/love me?' is a bit ... inappropriate? This sounds to me a little like ... 'Ok, I may like you, but how about you? And you are taking all the responsibility of the situation and what you say now.'

First, you really have to know, if you love or may love her. Believe me, it is worse to get out of a relationship you just started and find out it is a bad idea, then to get into it Unless you are nearly sure, just stay friendly, take your time and don't do things that may push any of you into stress situation.

Then, when you decide (yes), you have many possibilities to show her your feelings and find out hers without saying that. Just touch her gently on her arm when you meet ... (Chi described it well). The touches are great When she don't refuse them, you know you are on a right way. You may hold her hand for a while and then ... ... sweet first short kiss ... We are talking here about days, not month probably. Then something will happen if you both feel it the same.


-----
Well, I am not a Don Juan myself, I am rather shy too but this work for me usually. This are not the games. The 'games' it is, when you play it constantly and with three girls at once.

But it reminds me of starting with my girlfriend She was studying here as a foreigner and had a boyfriend at home, who she loved. So she told me, she will never be with me. But everything was very interesting here for her. So I took her time to time to a theater, concert or just to spend a weekend somewhere out with other friends.

Then I invite her home sometimes, I like cooking so I prepared something, we watched some movies and then it was very late, so she stayed, I slept on couch. Once she stayed when we were packed for staying outside during weekend and this couch was full of things So I told her, we can sleep in one bed, she will have clothes and I'll try nothing ... This was our fist night together, just sleeping, I had an arm over her and that's all

But there it started, we felt in love. We had some terrible moments, when her boyfriend should have come to visit her, or she had to go home for a while ... some terrible some funny stories, we even split for a year. But now we are about three years together, we live together and it is great.
-----


So, good luck. Anything can happen

Thanks! Nice tale of yours there! So touching is good huh? HMM. Interestingly enough, I bought an "Ipod Touch" a few months ago.

I'll try that sometime and see what will happen.

[AWDracer]

Update: Good news/bad news

Good news... is that the girl told me she really liked me and so I had no choice but to ask her out... so we're in a relationship now.

The bad news... many of the people who contributed to this thread were right... she has shown to be quite possessive already.

Some examples: She phoned me on my cell and told me she had been trying to reach me. Also she begged many times "Please.... I want to see you" - when I told her I couldn't see her during that time because I was going to study for my tutorial... and have my lunch. I just knew that if I saw her during that time, I would be starving (I just came back from 2.5 hrs of classes HUNGRY and I wanted some time to rest but she almost didn't let me). I've said no and I really didn't want to but I had no choice.

What should I do?

Leaving her would have all sorts of consequences for both her and me, especially social consequences.

[ChiTownHoney]

So how long have you known this girl....I am going to assume its been a matter of a few weeks? If thats the case, and she is saying things like "Please I want to see you.." thats a little needy and possesive, especially since you havent even known her for that long. Does she snuggle up to you and stuff like that? How does it feel for you?

You shouldnt be pressured to go out with anyone that you dont have an interest in. Your just not being fair to yourself and it is only prolonging the inevitable

[AWDracer]

Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney

So how long have you known this girl....I am going to assume its been a matter of a few weeks? If thats the case, and she is saying things like "Please I want to see you.." thats a little needy and possesive, especially since you havent even known her for that long. Does she snuggle up to you and stuff like that? How does it feel for you?

You shouldnt be pressured to go out with anyone that you dont have an interest in. Your just not being fair to yourself and it is only prolonging the inevitable

If even that many...

It's closer to two weeks. Right from the get-go of the party, she was attracted to me.

You're absolutely right - she was needy and possessive. When I couldn't go see her THAT day she wasn't too happy (it sort of is understandable) but I told her prior that I couldn't see her because I was going to study for my next class. She whined that I didn't see her for "five minutes only" - which probably would've ended up being 30-45. I honestly don't see how it could've been just five minutes. Next thing you know, stay for 10 more minutes...

The thing is, if I had stayed for her, I'd be compromising what I wanted to do - she insisted that I should come and come (she actually dressed up for me but I found this out afterward) but I told her I couldn't and because she pushed the issue, she just ended up getting a no from me. The same concept when she really wanted me to be her bf and assuming that forcing the relationship would work. She said something along the lines of "oh, we clearly share the same feelings for each other". It's more a calls to conclusion. It's what she wanted, not necessarily what I wanted.

So yeah, she and I got into a little discussion and I told that I wasn't ready and she said she'd wait for me... which is nice... till I told her "let's be friends instead" part and she logged off.

That's the summary - it's a bit hard to stomach though. But I most likely did the right thing. I learned something out of it at the very least.

Thanks guys (and girls) for helping me steer out of a bad port.

[TZOFOSHO]

Originally Posted by AWDracer

So yeah, she and I got into a little discussion and I told that I wasn't ready and she said she'd wait for me... which is nice... till I told her "let's be friends instead" part and she logged off.

"she'd wait for you", crazy talk for barely knowing someone. May have been in the best interests in this case, but i probably wouldn't have had that discussion on line, good way to get pegged as an asshole and losing any shot with any non psycho friends she might have.

anyway, glad to see you got away from this crazy needy girl, good luck with the situation.

[ChiTownHoney]

Well its a GOOD thing that you got out of there! Best not to even talk to her. She will realize in due time that she sucks at getting men and there is no other way but to change her game up. She will realize that. I never understood how some girls did that. I was always around girls who did stuff like that, called guys all the time, got all needy and possessive. ugh. Even now, I talk to my friend about this guy I am interested in, and she said "go get him, even if its just for sex" She must be crazy, my game is not about that..my game plan is too strategize and look as irresistable while appearing neutral about him as possible and be patient....and patient........and patient.......and patient........and I must remember that patience is a virtue.....

[AWDracer]

Originally Posted by TZOFOSHO

"she'd wait for you", crazy talk for barely knowing someone. May have been in the best interests in this case, but i probably wouldn't have had that discussion on line, good way to get pegged as an asshole and losing any shot with any non psycho friends she might have.

anyway, glad to see you got away from this crazy needy girl, good luck with the situation.

Thanks! Yeah, it's been pretty surreal of an experience.

It's a wonder how she hasn't lost her virginity yet. Or maybe I don't even know that...

Anyway she gave me a call today... and the phone call was very awkward. I honestly don't know how a boring conversation (it's been pretty boring IMO - I've been pretty boring as a person around her I think - manages to get across to her as "FUCK this guy's hot, I'm going to isolate him from everyone else"

Speaking of isolation - is this isolation? She said she had problems with some guys that we previously hung out with and she doesn't want us hanging out with them anymore, at least for one week and then "that will show them". I really didn't know what to say.

So we stumbled on the word "versatile". She said... "ooh I know a guy who's versatile" and I threw in a dirty joke that "well, depending on how you use the word, it will sound hot". And then she goes "OOOOH I know what you mean".

I threw the question back at her "Are you versatile?"

"I can be..."

But omfg... she told her friends about the miniature breakup. You were right. I shouldn't have done it online.

But it sounds like she wants to get with me....

I think I need to do the breakup in person. She's probably going to kill me though LOL. If you don't hear from me for like two weeks, I'm dead

Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney

Well its a GOOD thing that you got out of there! Best not to even talk to her. She will realize in due time that she sucks at getting men and there is no other way but to change her game up. She will realize that. I never understood how some girls did that. I was always around girls who did stuff like that, called guys all the time, got all needy and possessive. ugh. Even now, I talk to my friend about this guy I am interested in, and she said "go get him, even if its just for sex" She must be crazy, my game is not about that..my game plan is too strategize and look as irresistable while appearing neutral about him as possible and be patient....and patient........and patient.......and patient........and I must remember that patience is a virtue.....

FUCK. I'm back to this again. I don't mean to be a drama queen but this kind of drama is following me. For the guy, having the sex is like the bomb. He's the G. For the girl, however, it's seen as "immoral". No doubt, sexism plays a role in it.

Patience is a virtue and some virtues are often not fully appreciated... *I raise my hand in reluctance*

But don't over-wait, y'know? Sometimes some things have to go with the flow... and yeah I shouldn't be the one saying all this.


Thanks for the replies. It's really really helping me. I can't say it enough. I appreciate it.

[TZOFOSHO]

[QUOTE=AWDracer;240478]
Speaking of isolation - is this isolation? She said she had problems with some guys that we previously hung out with and she doesn't want us hanging out with them anymore, at least for one week and then "that will show them". I really didn't know what to say.


I think I need to do the breakup in person. She's probably going to kill me though LOL. If you don't hear from me for like two weeks, I'm dead

But don't over-wait, y'know? Sometimes some things have to go with the flow... and yeah I shouldn't be the one saying all this.

QUOTE]

I'll try and make this my last post on the subject, cuz i think you should get away as soon as possible. The need to show guys who she has no current ties, with, and trying to drag you into it, is a huge fucking red flag to me. I used to talk to a girl who when we were just sitting around studying would sit there and look at pictures of her ex boyfriends of the last 2 years. Getting involved with her was one of the biggest mistakes i have ever made, turned into a 2 year on and off 'relationship' that only completely ended a few months ago. The obsession with people who have moved on is a sign to me of some serious issues, along with the need to play games to 'show others.'

As far as the patience thing, i completely agree with as a strategy for girls and guys to an extent. I know that i have always found that in my fucked up head a girl i'm into who has NO interest in me is way more attractive than a girl who is falling over me (always want what you can't have). Call it games or whatever, but they have worked on me to this point in my lfie unfortunately.

Which reminds me, i think i need to start up the "nice guy? or obsessed guy?" as well as the 'if nice works' debate on here.

Again get away my friend, and good luck. and yeah i think in person would be way better, too hard to gauge what someones thinking and/or if they get what you are saying when you are online.

[AWDracer]

[QUOTE=TZOFOSHO;240511]

Originally Posted by AWDracer

Speaking of isolation - is this isolation? She said she had problems with some guys that we previously hung out with and she doesn't want us hanging out with them anymore, at least for one week and then "that will show them". I really didn't know what to say.


I think I need to do the breakup in person. She's probably going to kill me though LOL. If you don't hear from me for like two weeks, I'm dead

But don't over-wait, y'know? Sometimes some things have to go with the flow... and yeah I shouldn't be the one saying all this.

QUOTE]

I'll try and make this my last post on the subject, cuz i think you should get away as soon as possible. The need to show guys who she has no current ties, with, and trying to drag you into it, is a huge fucking red flag to me. I used to talk to a girl who when we were just sitting around studying would sit there and look at pictures of her ex boyfriends of the last 2 years. Getting involved with her was one of the biggest mistakes i have ever made, turned into a 2 year on and off 'relationship' that only completely ended a few months ago. The obsession with people who have moved on is a sign to me of some serious issues, along with the need to play games to 'show others.'

As far as the patience thing, i completely agree with as a strategy for girls and guys to an extent. I know that i have always found that in my fucked up head a girl i'm into who has NO interest in me is way more attractive than a girl who is falling over me (always want what you can't have). Call it games or whatever, but they have worked on me to this point in my lfie unfortunately.

Which reminds me, i think i need to start up the "nice guy? or obsessed guy?" as well as the 'if nice works' debate on here.

Again get away my friend, and good luck. and yeah i think in person would be way better, too hard to gauge what someones thinking and/or if they get what you are saying when you are online.

Thanks for the reply. I'll think about it now.

Nice guy vs obsessed guy debate - is this where you're debating about whether or not a girl will like you more if you don't like them vs. liking them and then she'll reject you because of it?

[ChiTownHoney]

Originally Posted by AWDracer

one week and then "that will show them". I really didn't know what to say.

So we stumbled on the word "versatile". She said... "ooh I know a guy who's versatile" and I threw in a dirty joke that "well, depending on how you use the word, it will sound hot". And then she goes "OOOOH I know what you mean".

I threw the question back at her "Are you versatile?"

"I can be..."

Hmmm...hope you dont mind me butting in again, but I am very curious as to what is going to go down here!

The sex talk thing is a way to keep you. I know when I am seeing a guy casually and it looks like he is losing interest, I play up the sex card to keep him interested and it ALWAYS works. I dont actually have sex with him, I just talk sexy and that keeps him around.

You know what you need to do, and I know its hard to just dive in and do it. But it sounds like this girl is turning you off even more with her antics. She sounds like a little girl and you are obviously more mature than that, so lose her quick before you miss up on another opportunity.

[ChiTownHoney]

Originally Posted by TZOFOSHO

Which reminds me, i think i need to start up the "nice guy? or obsessed guy?" as well as the 'if nice works' debate on here.

You mean nice guy or bad guy? that would be interesting! Definitley start a thread

[AWDracer]

Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney

Hmmm...hope you dont mind me butting in again, but I am very curious as to what is going to go down here!

The sex talk thing is a way to keep you. I know when I am seeing a guy casually and it looks like he is losing interest, I play up the sex card to keep him interested and it ALWAYS works. I dont actually have sex with him, I just talk sexy and that keeps him around.

You know what you need to do, and I know its hard to just dive in and do it. But it sounds like this girl is turning you off even more with her antics. She sounds like a little girl and you are obviously more mature than that, so lose her quick before you miss up on another opportunity.

Hey Chicago:

I absolutely don't mind you hanging around.

Alright. I guess I have to be careful about the sex card idea - very good point made by you. Thanks for kickstarting me.

I will try to end it soon....