The young black armed robbers were speeding away from the scene when the one in the back seat said,
“There’s a pig bitch on the back of the car.”
“I’ll swerve a bit and get rid of the cunt,” said the driver. “Not our fault the road is hard.”
“No, said the back-seat one, “she’s got her legs jammed tight under that big tail on this car and her azz pressed against the rear window. No way swerving will do her. I’ll put a bullet up her – I’ve got a good angle. Now let’s see – azzhole or cunt?” He was lining up the shot when the drive looked in the rear view mirror. The rear he saw in it made him intervene quickly to save the cop girl from getting something up her she’d never had before.
Instead, they dealt with her when they stopped to change cars, and her arse lived on for several more years in a more appropriate role, making much money for the robbers and giving many people great pleasure. Finally it was disposed of one Christmas in a responsible, sustainable, low-tech way.
The moral of this story is always to look in your rear view mirror.
What do you do if a policewoman stops your van and wants to see in the back?
You gag her but don’t blindfold her.
How does a gang deal with a proud, big-titted policewoman?
They cut her down to size.
How do gangsters make sure an interfering policewoman gets her comeuppance?
Easy. They come up her.
“Don’t go into that field,” the policewoman warned the couple out walking. “There’s an aggressive bull.”
“There’s a right of way, isn’t there? Mind your own fucking business!” the female walker replied.
“Stupid cow! Fuck off!” the man said. They went into the field. The bull charged them. They dodged and then, as the bull prepared to charge again, froze. The policewoman felt it was her duty to try to save them, despite the way they’d spoken to her.
“Don’t worry! It’ll be all right! I’ll distract him,” she shouted. She clambered over the stile into the field, ran forward, shouted and waved her arms. She succeeded in drawing the bull’s attention and the couple escaped. The bull charged her. She ran. She was fit and fast.
Unfortunately, she slipped on a cow-pat and fell. As she was getting up, arse in the air, the bull got to her, stuck its horn in her buttock and tossed her. She landed arse-first on the barbed wire fence. At first she thought she was trapped, but she got free at the expense of badly-torn trousers and panties and a scratched arse.
Then the bull was on her.
“I didn’t know being tossed by a bull meant that,” said the watching female walker a while later.
“It must have heard us call her a cow,” the man opined.
Local: “Last week was the farmers’ market. It was chaos! A pig went running down the High Street.”
Visitor: “Did they catch it?”
Local: “Yes, the farmers brought her down just outside Tesco Express. You should have heard her squeal!”
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