Hi here is some ideas feedback jotted down quick so don't shoot me!
I like your ideas, the story flowed very well, You need to concentrate more on description and fleshing (literally) out your story, read it again once you have written it, if you want print it and write all over it with comments and changes, then create another version on your computer and make the changes ensuring you keep the original so you know where you came from.
You should flesh out what she says and what she does that infuriates your character, you want the reader on your side so describe her putting him down, ignoring him, flirting and then walking away, that kind of stuff, use your own experiences if you have them to investigate how it made you feel, what it did to you, how angry you where etc, put it in the story.
I think you could take this story further, more humiliation, more stuff on her phone perhaps she is secretly a lesbian with a crush on another girl in class, or the teacher, or she gambles and has loads of debt? Perhaps she writes short sex stories about her crush? Takes secret photos of her to masturbate over, threaten to reveal all this to get her to do what you want after the initial drugging? Sucking you off when you know she hates it? Filming it, her with semen all over her face, taking it up the ass to keep you quiet about her secrets, getting her to sit in lectures with a big butt plug up her ass? That kind of stuff. Hope this helps MG
|