[UnitJonas]

I cant believe soccer is over. Even with all the ‘stuff’ that’s been going on the last few months, soccer has been the one thing that’s kept me sane. I think though I messed up Coach J. He acted so weird during the end of year barbeque. I mean, I think I was the only one to notice his uncomfortableness, but you should have seen his face when all us girls in bikinis smooshed up next to him for pictures. I don’t know if he’ll be back for next year, lol



I don’t know what to do about Ms. Tibbits. I still feel weird calling her Leanne but that’s what she likes, so whatever. I mean, she’s really needy, to the point of being annoying. It’s like if I don’t babysit her nephew she’ll have a breakdown or something. I don’t know what I expected from her, but she’s nothing like the rumors I’ve heard. She’s actually quite nice and I think she needs to confide in someone, probably me.



When she dropped me off at home last we week we sat in the car for a good long while talking. She told me about her husband leaving her and there was something else bothering her, but she wouldn’t say. I think something bad happened and I feel really bad for her. I’m supposed to babysit again this weekend but not sure if I can, or want to. I sense she will be releasing some strong emotional baggage and I really have no idea what to say or do to help. Doesn’t she have a sister or pastor or mother to talk to? Why me?



God, she seems so alone, I really feel sorry for her.



I’m the one who should be felt sorry for. I’m the one doing all the fucked up things. Every day for the past two weeks I cant help but peek at his car when the bus goes by. And everyday my panties hang in his windshield. I wonder if he thinks about it every day? Hmm, dunno and shouldn’t prolly care.



Speaking of babysitting…I was speaking of that. No, I was talking about stupid things I regret.



I guess this one’s embarrassing in a whole new way. Yes, Morgan continues to amaze and astound!



So I had to babysit the Driscoll’s Thursday. Yes, babysitting is all I do anymore. I have almost 10,000 dollars in my closet and I’m collecting $20 to babysit pukey kids. And heh, I’ve been slowly converting the 20’s to 100 dollar bills at the bank. I tell them its for my moms business. It’s much easier to hide. I have no idea yet what I’d tell Mom if she found it.



So anyways. By the end of the night babysitting (and oh, Mr. D saw that I wore a loose button down top so of course he had me walk little Joey to him, leaning over and holding his hands. It’s funny but I never realized how you can tell exactly where someone is looking. He wasn’t looking at Joeys face or my face, but somewhere in between, which just happened to be right down my shirt. So I blame him giving the night that sort of tone. I couldn’t get it out of my head.)



So yeah, by the end of the evening I found myself in Mrs. Driscoll’s father’s room (he was the stroke guy). He was just like before, not really responsive except that his eyes seemed to follow me around the room. I looked on the TV for something with girls on it to see if he’d look there, but there wasn’t anything. I held the glass up to him and put the straw in his mouth to give him a drink, which he took. I even talked to him, asking if anyone was home. I started to make myself laugh.



That’s when I noticed it. I mean he was lying on top of the sheets in pajamas. It moved. I actually saw it move, creating a little tent of sorts down there. I’m not sure why, I mean I wasn’t doing anything or was naked or whatever. But it moved.



So what do I do? I watch his eyes. I watch them as I unbuttoned my shirt and open it. His eyes go right to my chest and my newVictoria secrets bra. Not the wonderbra (which I could prob use), but one of those petite satiny things. Why would I wear that under a flannel shirt? I dunno, prolly cause I thought Mr. D would like to see it if he looked down my shirt, lol.



So his ‘tent’ grows even more. So then, just because I’M A FREAK I open the front clasps and let him see my boobs!! I mean, who is he gonna tell?



I could prolly never explain to anyone why having an old man, an almost comatose old man, staring at my boobs and getting hard gets me excited. I cant even explain it to myself, I just know it did. My nipples wee actually stiff, like it was freezing or something, god I’ve never seen them poke out so far. I asked him if he liked the view and I swore he almost answered me.



So then, if that wasn’t enough, I took his hand and put it on me. I actually took his hand, gently, and leaning over, rubbed it over my boobs.



That’s when the tip of his penis POPPED through his pajamas opening.



I put his hand back down and just stared for a moment. That’s when I heard the garage door open. For god sakes what is the matter with me?!?!?



Anyways, I got out of his room quick. It’s not like I could tuck it back in, lol, if I touched it would have only get bigger!



As Mr. D was paying me, his wife came out and asked the last time I looked in on her father. I said like an hour ago. She laughed and said it was probably good that I hadn’t just been in there. Mr. D asked why but she could barely explain without cracking up.



I thank god they came home when they did. Me and my one thing after another destructive behavior would, geez, I don’t even want to think about it.



But I have been thinking about things. I’ve been thinking about visiting the college. I mean, not like Aunt Jenn. I don’t want to be used by 40 college guys and posted on the internet. But I think I could maybe see what someone younger is like. I know that sounds kinda whorey and all, but I like it, sex that is, and that’s hard for me to admit. At the college no one knows me, I’ll have to dress older, which is weird cause I liked having them know I was so young. But this would be a regular type thing, just two people hooking up. Maybe it’s a stupid idea and maybe it wont make me feel any more normal, but dang, getting excited by watching a coma guys penis pop up is hardly normal.



I don’t know. I really need to find an activity for the winter, I mean besides the ‘hobby’. Darsey is gonna play basketball. I HATE basketball. I have to do something.



I shouldn’t be going to a college. I shouldn’t be babysitting for old men. I shouldn’t be doing any of this.



But I still do.