[Someone's Kitten]

”Don’t worry, my lovely Priscilla… I’ll help you do it…”

He was using that voice again, that lover’s voice that made me shiver. Only, I shivered in fear not desire. How could I feel anything but disgust and loathing for this creature?

I took one deep breath after another trying to quell the nausea that was rising up in me. His hand moved over my body with an intimacy that was more of a violation than any act of brutality would have been.

The sobs that had begun when he started touching me continued and grew more strident as his exploration went on. I couldn’t bear to look at him as he ran his hands over me and so stared off into the distance over his shoulder and endured his touch that made my flesh crawl. I was reaching a point where madness would take hold if I didn’t at least try to get away from him but to squirm or arch and try to get away from his hot, probing fingers only brought me closer to him.

My fingers clenched into fists and I pushed at his chest with the hells of my hands, shaking my head back and forth but it had no effect. He didn’t take notice of it or try to stop me.

His hands caressed me, molded themselves over my bottom and tightened. It was too much, too much. No one had ever touched me like that. I’ve never been kissed either like he kissed me. Hot breath and warm lips slowly glided over me, making me tremble, making little sparks of energy shoot through my body to stab at some place deep inside my belly.

If he weren’t so horrible and frightening, if I weren’t so scared and worried about Pam, if this was another place, another time, another man, any man but him I’d think what I felt was pleasure. That was impossible though in the hands of a man bent on defiling me. He meant to destroy me and I was fighting to keep my sanity.

His voice was so soft, his whispered breath flowed along my neck and those words of his slithered down my spine.

“You are so beautiful, Priscilla… and you are so mine…”

“No! No, I’m not yours… not yours… no matter what you do to me I’ll never be yours… ever. I’ll never want you! You disgust me! I hate you! Do you hear me? I hate you!”

Once I found my voice I couldn’t stop. The words tumbled out of my mouth in a litany of denial and supplication and fear until he pulled my mind back to the here and now and reminded me of my choice. I had forgotten. I wanted to forget. I wanted to pretend I couldn’t hear him.

”So… have you decided? Where shall we start?”

Surely he was mocking me. I had no choice. He’d do what he wanted not matter what I said. I tried to think, figure out a way to make him let me go. I was lost in that maze of not wanting to decide when he began to move, slowly, swaying to some music only he could hear.

Then he was singing the same song from the care, the one song that I had never wanted to hear again the rest of my life and those words were on his lips again. He tainted them for me and I hated him for that more than for what he was doing to me.

“Stop!” I screamed at him. “Stop it! Stop singing that song! Shut up! Do you hear me? Shut up… shut up… shut up!” and I collapsed against him, sobbing out every emotion in my poor trembling body.