[cybasn]

This boy in my writing class, Craig …

I initially did not have much of an opinion about him. Well, actually I considered him a bit of a slacker, perhaps just hoping for an easy grade or such. But: I always give students a chance, especially to turn things around again. I do not believe in writing them off to make my life easier. Sometimes all they need is a challenge.

And in his case I had to say things improved much once challenged. Though I can not really put a finger on what got better. But I find his texts in some way … calming … in a sense. I do not know. But in recent weeks, I generally find myself oddly restless and distracted. When I work it gets better, to some extent, and somehow when working on his texts I find most rest. Though again I can not really put a finger on it why.

I maybe should not have done this, but I at some point have begun to make a bit excuses to collect more assignments from him. I make up excuses about parts that “I think should be reworked” or “put a different perspective on” though I am actually very fine with them. Occasionally pretending to be more critical than necessary. But then the extra practice will not hurt him I am sure. And by now I also give him straight As. So much I owe him for giving me a certain peace of mind.

But what I also go thru recently are these inexplicable … bouts? … of arousal. Or maybe not bouts. It is more that after work (which I in part do at home) and some idle browsing on the internet (a bit haphazard these days, I sometimes forget what I actually browsed thru) I kind of feeling like having a special, ‘relaxing’ shower. And the ideas I then go thru in my mind as I please myself have become … irritating and as I feel actually disturbing. Though oddly enough I can not remember specifics about them. Only some vague feeling of dread and helplessness. This is all very disconcerting. I really thought I had being single for so many years under control.

Well, at least I got a class with Craig tomorrow. Those, much like his writing assignments, seem to have a positive effect on me. Or at least I tell myself so as my mind drifts.

You will dress just a little more sexy for me tomorrow, nothing revealing or slutty but just something that would make you feel sexier, something less conservative.

Next day. I should get ready for work … 7:40 almost, got to leave the house soon. Done shaving, I’m lucky I do not have much hair but still. Like to stay smooth and clean from the neck down in that regard. It’s just more hygienic, more ‘proper’ and clean.

I just wonder though: Why not put on something ‘nicer’ today? I mean underneath of course only. Outward got to project respect of course, be professional, formal. Blouse: purple? Skirt: dark. Heels: not too high, but flats are plain out of the question. Too informal. Same goes for hose, black always. Glasses of course. So far, so strict.

Just perhaps …

Maybe different stockings for a change? Thigh high, black as always. But maybe with a seam at the back this time? No one will notice. And they are not such a hassle to wear. And black panty with it. Frilly in part (front) and see thru in other (back). With matching bra. Just for … I don’t know. I just like to. No harm in it, right?

On the bus then I wonder a bit why I put on so impractical underwear. Like stockings? I must have been a bit absent minded this morning. But I then put these thoughts asides as I start to go thru my first classes today in my mind and focus on my unfolding day.

Yet later, when it comes to go to Craig's class, I am kind of glad I put on these things. I have no idea why at all.