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Old 12-20-2011, 06:22 AM   #2
pravjey
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Join Date: May 2006
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This is a nice story, it's definitely arousing to see the defilement of the wife by all these colleagues. Just a few comments for how it might be better...

1. It's unusual to have the 'husband' whispering 'I love you' while he's having sex with a degraded wife in front of his colleagues. I found the explicit mentioning of love sort of undermined the rest of the story. Personally, I generally assume it's there.

2. It would have been interesting to find out briefly whether (a) he did get on at work or (b) whether the colleagues found out that she was his wife and how this affected his standing. As I was reading it, I was imagining that they would find out that she and Derek and married and continually pressurise him to make her available, dangling the carrot of eventually more pay, a promotion, etc. So in the end, Derek and his wife lose out.

I understand these comments might not be what you intended, so apologies for any offence.
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