Quote:
Originally Posted by Flesh4Fantasy
Well done, My Friend and a fine first effort. I think you have been practicing as you seem to have found a voice in which to write.
Honest feedback for improvement is only as follows: write with a thesaurus open and vary your words a bit. I know you are expanding your vocabulary in English while posting here and it shows. My rule of thumb is not to repeat a descriptor word twice in the same paragraph unless it can not be helped...
Encouragements abound: well structured, good plot/story/characters, nice consistency to the narrative flow...
I liked the added twist into dark humor at the end. It really surprised me and made me laugh...
As tough as I try to be on editing, I also take into account when the writer is not posting in his native language so...
5 Stars and + Rep
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Thank you Flesh4Fantasy for your suggestions and analysis. Yes, I have been practicing a bit but I was too lazy to get off. I have to thank sternenlied for making me get off my lazy butt and start writing, as I wanted a bit of practice before the contest.
Your rule of thumb is an excellent and valuable suggestion. Thank you.
