I'm so glad I don't have to worry about this crap anymore - sometimes I look around when I'm in a social setting and wonder how in the hell I would get back into the 'dating game' if I ever had to...
Having said that - the one advice I'd like to extend to anyone reading this is to try and repair the house they're currently in instead of burning it down to start over - which kind of comes back to the OP in my opinion.
What I mean by that is that even IF you are in a RL relationship (aka marriage for some, committed relationships for others) I would highly suggest sharing your kink with your current partner first (if you haven't done so yet) instead of looking for someone either on the Internet or for occasional hookups IRL.
I know a lot of you HAVE hinted and suggested to your current partners for years - but I also know that there are plenty of people out there that have never given their partners the chance to CHANGE by sharing their kink with them. Sometimes I think they might be surprised by what they find.
When I realized that I needed 'more' or something 'different' from our sex life I made the same mistake, I had it all happening in my head and found partners to 'play' with online - essentially lying to my husband by omission.
When it all came out and I shared my penchant for being tied up, fucked mercilessly and flogged every once in a while, I was more than happy to discover that HE actually shared the interest and was only too happy to oblige me.
I could have saved myself (and him) a huge amount of boring, vanilla sex if I had had the courage to share my thoughts and desires earlier.
Mind you - I was happy for a very long time - its not something I felt was missing for most of our marriage. But people change and I think we need to allow our partners to share in those changes, give them a chance to change alongside us instead of starting to live parallel lives that lack the intimacy that partners should have.
I'm sorry if I sound like I'm preaching, but the advice given by the posters above me is true for married people as much as it is true for those of us that are still looking for that perfect partner.
Just wanted to point that out.
Watch some porn together and tell him/her if you see something you like - read a story and recommend it to him/her - hell, WRITE him a story of your perfect sexual encounter...
Obviously this would only work with someone you are already intimate with, but I'm pretty sure you'd find out fairly quickly if he/she was interested in any or all of it.
The one thing you'd have to be prepared for though is what you're going to do if he/she DOESN'T share your kink - how far are you willing to 'give' in order to keep him/her or what are the arrangements that you can make that both of you are sexually satisfied in your relationship.
Once you've opened Pandora's box, there is no stuffing 'it' back in I'm afraid
