Very Nice.
+ Rep and
4 Stars
I didn't think there was too much build up. You did a good job establishing the characters. I like the stream of consciousness style of the writing. Plot, motive, action, emotion: all the elements fully explored and revealed.
I, however, am a stickler for editing... And I did make allowance for the stream of consciousness narration in that it allows the writer to borrow non-standard grammar and word usage. Still, there could have been less misspellings. That is why I withheld the 5th star. And it is not personal, just my particular policy as you may notice from reading my reviews of other' stories.
That's the reviewer... As a reader - that was HOT.
I really enjoyed it and look forward to more.
Thank You again for sharing with us here on RB.