Is Sadomasocism the new LGBT?
 

I have a theory that Sadism/Dominance and Masocism/Submission is a type of sexual orientation.

Does anyone else agree? Is it possible that some people are born Sadists and Some people are born submissive and some people are born swith and some born with no interest in this at all? How much does earily childhood effect rape fantasies?

I guess it's true some people are born with gifts and natural tendencies but is it gonna be all about sex I don't know....depends what you call submissive...some people would just remain idle in conflicts, making look like they surrender but still go their own ways.....

I'm not a psychologist but I would agree childhood is a very influential period of life but when you become a teenager you gotta learn how to deal with conflicts and how to defend yourself anyway...I guess what I'm trying to say is just life can push you go against your nature sometimes ...

But still I think it's a very interesting point of view you have....I think it would be just great to find out you're right and see Dom/Submission tendencies been more tolerated......and see a new tolerance for differencies arise....and see a lot of new fashion and creative looking people in the streets..

Gay marriage just got accepted here in France.....but I have the feeling I never heard that much anti gay hate slogans since that law passed...

I remember an anti gay guy saying on tv : "Ho you want to allow mariage for gay couples ? What's next step ? Mariage for zoophilous couples ? :eek:

Gay community finally got what they want with the argument of inheritance rights. I wonder what Dom/Sub couple could say to get married ....

We had the same reaction in Canada, you would have thought the instutution of marriage was being removed. But guess what, people saw it wasn't the end of the world, its didn't effect the vast majority of people, and hetrosexual marriage wasn't effected by it all. All the fear mongering was bullshit.

And now most Canadians support gay marriage, its become normal, and even those who don't like it know its not going anywhere and have largely given up the fight to change the law.

I think the Canadian comfort with Gay marriage is actually spreading to the US thanks to proximity with US states adopting gay marriage and more Americans the ever comfortable with it.

Hopefully our day will come too, when femanists don't assume a male dominate is the great male satan, or women hating or whatever, and where a woman can be sexual submissive without feeling like she's letting women down, and still be powerful and strong in other facates of her life (not that submissives are strong and powerful in there sex lives, its just a soft kind of power as opposed to hard ( and more illusionary) power of a dominate).

No. I firmly believe that there is a reason people gravitate to these because of their experiences. Some may never make the connection, while others know all to well....

Cheers!

Is that some sort of sandwich?

Hi I like it

Er, no. LGBT is an identity; SM is a fetish. The former is a thing you are, the latter a thing you do. Very different.

I don't know... I myself have done very little actual real-life S&M play, but I know I've been this way since I was very young. Even as far back as the age of five I was drawn to any sort of imagery, stories etc. that involved people getting locked in cages or caught in nets or tied up, long before I had any understanding of sex, or how such fantasies could take shape in the real world.

I don't know I just like to have my cock bitten

I recall having such inclinations at a very young age too. The seeds of a fetish can be planted very early, but that doesn't make it an identity or an orientation. I agree with Sheba.

SM is a fetish, not a sexual orientation.

If you feel sexual atraction to oposite sex, you are straight, it doesn't matter if you enjoy pain or not.

If you can't experience sexual arousal without a particular fetish involved, does that then become an orientation? If not, why not?

Which gender(s) you are attracted to, the situations in which you prefer to be with them, and what categories of sensations and paraphernalia trigger your sexual response are all parts of your sexual identity. Whether we call any one element of this a fetish or an orientation is largely a matter of labeling, and applies differently from one person to another. We can turn it around and say, "If you feel sexual attraction to force and cruelty, you are kinky, it doesn't matter if you enjoy it with the opposite sex or not," and for some people, this would be true. In my case, I am pretty solidly at the hetero end of the Kinsey scale. I have never fantasized myself lying beneath the stars on the still-warm sand of some tropical beach with another man's arms lovingly wrapped around me; I'm imagining that right now, and it's not really doing anything for me. If I send the other guy away and bring in Elisabeth Shue, I become very much more interested, yes please, give me a plane ticket etc. The thing is... Now if I imagine myself chained up naked and spread-eagle between two pillars in a torchlit dungeon, writhing in agony as that very same other man tortures and rapes me, some part of me does want that to happen, as much as or possibly even more than the vanilla sex on the beach with Elisabeth Shue. Of course, if the man stays home and Ms. Shue takes over as the torturer/rapist instead, that's pretty close to my ultimate fantasy situation. The point is that the turn-on of the S&M elements can override my gender preference in triggering my sexual interest.

Over the course of my life I have spent (or perhaps wasted) a lot of years trying to work out why I am "this way." One of my earliest memories related to this is of my parents innocently taking us kids to see Chitty Chiitty Bang Bang at the movie theatre when I was five. Just a few years ago I rented the DVD and saw the movie again for the second time, and was overwhelmed by how much of it came back to me. Now... The only way for anyone to understand this is to watch CCBB themselves, which I can't really recommend doing, because for an adult person the film as a whole is almost unwatchably tedious; but if you can put yourself into the relatively blank-slate mindset of a five-year-old, it is, in parts, just about the kinkiest goddamn thing you've ever seen. We have:

• The Child Catcher, an archetypal free-candy predator whose job it is to go around with a hook and a big net to sniff out and capture any children loose in the realm of Vulgaria (children are forbidden there, see)
• Let me tell you, Toymaker... This nose of mine has never failed me. And... If there ARE children here, my friend... You will DIE!
• A little boy and girl, close enough to my age at the time, shoved into a horse-drawn cage on wheels and carried away screaming for help
• The children now locked up in a different cage, carried into the throne room and displayed before the Baron and Baroness (Children, your highness— Foreign children! Unique specimens! Perhaps your highness would care to examine them?)
• Take them away! To the tower!
• The brainless but outrageously hot (seriously) Baroness dancing around in fetishy lingerie while the even more idiotic Baron repeatedly fails to kill her
• More children sneaking under the table at a party and clamping shackles on people's feet
• Crowds of people getting trapped in big nets and flailing helplessly as the kids rope them all together en masse
• The Child Catcher finally surrounded by children and caught, guess how, in a net
• The Baron and Baroness attempting to escape and winding up in the cage together themselves

I always remembered that damned Child Catcher; he is consistently one of the higher-ups on lists of scary kids' movie villains. The rest of the things I did not consciously remember, but when I saw it all again, it was obvious how the movie had been the trigger for so many elements of my childhood fantasies. Out of all the stuff going on up there on that giant screen in this visually intense movie, all of the whistling candies and flying cars and yadda, it was the abductions and the bondage and the imprisonments and threats of death that latched onto my fresh little mind and formed the foundation of what grew into my sexual identity. I have no way of knowing whether or not that part of me would have evolved differently if I'd never had that experience; maybe my folks should have taken us to see Oliver! or something else instead. But my hunch is that something in me was hard-wired from birth to accept that activation signal, like a garage door opener, and if it hadn't been the Child Catcher with those caged and screaming kids who pushed that button, it would have been some other Hansel Und Gretel story or comic book or newspaper article or who knows what. So ultimately my belief as to what is the case for me is that along with my gender orientation, I have what I guess I have to call a kink orientation which is equally innate, and the two interact in ways that are sometimes rather confusing.

EDITED here to make it clearer that my inclination does not involve children in any way. I was five at the time, and my imagination then was all innocent pre-sexual cartoonish adventures and rescues and such. The participants in my fantasies grew along with me, and dark sexual contexts gradually formed around it all later.

No it doesn't become an orientation. Your orientation, as the term is commonly used, determines who you are attracted to: the same gender, the opposite gender, or both genders. Some would also include being asexual, having no attraction to anyone, in that definition. Fetishes and kinks refer to what gets you off: objects, activities, and situations which cause sexual arousal. There's a tendency to use fetish and kink interchangeably, however many draw the distinction that a kink is an arousal caused by the aforementioned objects/activities/situations. A fetish, on the other hand, is somewhat analogous to an addiction in the sense that you become so dependent on a particular kink or set of kinks that you're unable to become aroused without it/them.

People of any orientation can share a particular kink or fetish. However, people who share a kink or fetish might not share the same orientation. They're totally separate characteristics.

That's right, and in fact it's damned disrespectful to lgtq youth who have suffered abuse, beatings persecution or even abandonment and attempted murder because of who they're attracted to. The simple fact is, admit you like being spanked and you'll get laughed at, but in some parts of the country a man who admits he loves other men can be straight-up killed and the law will turn a blind eye to it.