How Do You Approach It?
 

So you've met someone new and all you can think about is rough, rape-y games with her/him. But you kinda like the person, too. (This is RL, by the way, not online. Anyone who is a member of RB or any of the FS sites already knows why you're here....). Maybe you're already had sex and simply want to up the ante. Or maybe you both know it's bound to happen sooner or later.

When do you raise the subject? Are you afraid of scaring the person off or looking like a perv? (Well, of course you ARE a perv because you are here, after all, but just sayin').

Are you a fan of the slow and steady escalation of force? The frank discussion outside of the bedroom? Something else?

Talk to me, rapists and rapees!

Slow and steady. Subtle hints, in conversation and in bed.

Though, my best sexual encounters ever were with this one girl... we were friends for a while first, but flirting a fair bit, kind of circling each other. One night when we were hanging out, we basically just played a simple game of asking one question, answering another... inevitably, it turned to the sort of things we like in bed. Even then I wasn't completely forthright, but it was clear that I was dominant and kinky, and she was submissive and yielding :cool: We knew right then that we'd be great together in bed.

Moral of the story is, I tend to approach it slowly and gradually in most cases, but there probably IS something to say for the "frank discussion" approach.

Before I met my now ex husband I'd had a few instances where I'd encourage my then partner to be rougher with me, asking them to spank me during sex and then trying to move it forward at a slow pace "I wonder if I could cope with being whipped by a belt?" - Some were keen to try and others not, I would say out of the ten lovers I had before my ex five were keen and two in particular were more than happy to take it further.

My ex was very direct, I'd heard a few stories about him but didn't really believe them, however he sat me down and just told me that he wanted to dominate me completely and be my master, that he wanted to whip and rape me and do what he wanted to my body and that would include clamping, rape, and taking me dogging and to swingers parties.

I remember sitting there feeling so excited and turned on by what he was saying that I couldn't wait to be a part of it and he picked up on it straight away, In minutes I was being whipped over a table and then bound, hooded and 'raped'.

Since then I've never looked back.

I sit them down and give them ice cream. Lots of ice cream. When they start feeling sick, that's when I pounce. ;)

Raped by a flake and a Mr. Whippy. :D. I like your approach!

While I think the right approach will vary from person to person, it's something that should be eased into as Phase said. Give your partner the time to process that you're into the kink - and if they aren't into it, make sure they know it isn't a dealkiller (unless of course it is). Respect is a key though - respect their decision and while it's ok to be disappointed, don't push too hard. Sometimes as they start to know you and feel safe with you they'll come around on their own.

I'm so glad I don't have to worry about this crap anymore - sometimes I look around when I'm in a social setting and wonder how in the hell I would get back into the 'dating game' if I ever had to...

Having said that - the one advice I'd like to extend to anyone reading this is to try and repair the house they're currently in instead of burning it down to start over - which kind of comes back to the OP in my opinion.

What I mean by that is that even IF you are in a RL relationship (aka marriage for some, committed relationships for others) I would highly suggest sharing your kink with your current partner first (if you haven't done so yet) instead of looking for someone either on the Internet or for occasional hookups IRL.
I know a lot of you HAVE hinted and suggested to your current partners for years - but I also know that there are plenty of people out there that have never given their partners the chance to CHANGE by sharing their kink with them. Sometimes I think they might be surprised by what they find.

When I realized that I needed 'more' or something 'different' from our sex life I made the same mistake, I had it all happening in my head and found partners to 'play' with online - essentially lying to my husband by omission.
When it all came out and I shared my penchant for being tied up, fucked mercilessly and flogged every once in a while, I was more than happy to discover that HE actually shared the interest and was only too happy to oblige me.
I could have saved myself (and him) a huge amount of boring, vanilla sex if I had had the courage to share my thoughts and desires earlier.
Mind you - I was happy for a very long time - its not something I felt was missing for most of our marriage. But people change and I think we need to allow our partners to share in those changes, give them a chance to change alongside us instead of starting to live parallel lives that lack the intimacy that partners should have.

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm preaching, but the advice given by the posters above me is true for married people as much as it is true for those of us that are still looking for that perfect partner.
Just wanted to point that out.

Watch some porn together and tell him/her if you see something you like - read a story and recommend it to him/her - hell, WRITE him a story of your perfect sexual encounter...
Obviously this would only work with someone you are already intimate with, but I'm pretty sure you'd find out fairly quickly if he/she was interested in any or all of it.
The one thing you'd have to be prepared for though is what you're going to do if he/she DOESN'T share your kink - how far are you willing to 'give' in order to keep him/her or what are the arrangements that you can make that both of you are sexually satisfied in your relationship.
Once you've opened Pandora's box, there is no stuffing 'it' back in I'm afraid :D

:skull-bee

Why, I'm sure there's plenty of stuffing "it" back in with DH my dear GC...

Communication is key. Once, I had a boyfriend that was good in bed, albeit a little boring, but good. One night after a dinner date, he was feeling a little frisky and began trying to undress me. I played the tease and with me in his arms, I said no. The way I said it though made him realize I was 'playing' with him. He leaned in to kiss me, I'd turn my head to the side. When he grabbed my butt, I'd push his hand away. This went on for a minute or two, then I said to him 'if you want me, you're going to have to take it from me.' The look on his face said 'are you serious?' I shook my head yes. Then the games began! I wound up exhausted, spent, in torn clothes and with him collapsed on the floor next to me. While it happened only once with him, it was incredible and it taught me to not be afraid to speak about my fantasies to my partner. If they can't handle talking about all of our mutual fantasies, then I know it wasn't meant to be.

I dont know how it happened to be honest...I remember always being into rape fantasy but somehow my boyfriend got into it too...I think it was after finding out we were both into being tied up it just opened up the conversation.

I was a member of another site for a long time and I used to be on waaay more than I needed to be and I felt obliged to tell him about it, and I thought it might strain our relationship (he was always kind of secretive about his sex life and I was too) but it made it better, he's now a member of a few different sites with me :)

From the guys perspective I have done it by making up fantasies as we are having sex. When in a long term relationship start very gently and slowly escalate until I reach the woman's limits. Sometimes didn't get very far, but often got to quite dark stories. Only once got to a "real" physical role play but all the groundwork was set and it was successful!

I agree with Phase, do it slow and steady. I told my wife I liked bondage and from there went to scenarios where I would get her to play a burglar, spy or put on her uniform (she is a cop, yes really!) and I would kidnap her, tie her up and force myself on her. We never really mentioned rape but it was clear that was what we were role playing. We still don't really talk about rape but from the scenarios we play it is obvious to her that is what I like.

Must have a really small cock if you had to leave a note.

Just be an asshat an ask... "So, you into handcuffs and blindfolds!?". I've asked my boss and several coworkers, and most of the girls who work me... Some think I'm just being a fuckwit, but most give me a straight answer...

My boss likes to fight the ropes. Makes her cum harder.

The guy I work with, is quite full of himself. He sent me a picture of a bath in a posh hotel. Then said I could be sharing this with him. And I said I wouldn't be interested as that sounded boring and the conversation went from there.

I thought he wouldn't be interested but he seems to be intrigued by it all but I don't want to train someone, I want the person to just know how to abuse me. I'm not asking for much, am I?!

Sounds like a right drip! Sharing the bath?