My real life rape story
 

Hi everyone...it's Christy. Several years ago, I was fairly active here on RB, having forced fantasies for as long as I can remember. I haven't been on very much in the last couple of years, and even though this still difficult for me to talk about, I wanted to share my true life story on here with everyone. To make a long story short, I was raped. Not like the roleplay scenes or "forced" sex fantasies that people indulge on here, but a real life, honest to goodness, knife at my throat, fear for my life rape.

It happened on a Saturday night one weekend when my husband was out of town on a business trip. I was in bed asleep, when I was awakened by a man standing over my bed wearing a mask and holding a knife. Before I could do anything, he got on top of me, put the knife to my throat, and told me if I didn't do what he said, he would cut my throat. He asked me if I understood, and I nodded yes. He proceeded to tear off my nightgown and panties, forced me to perform oral sex on him, then raped me. When he was finished, he got off me, and made me tell him wear my purse was. He took my purse, my cell phone, and my car keys, then left.

I laid on the bed for a few minutes before I could talk myself into getting up. When I did, I looked out the window and saw that my car was gone. I realized he had gotten in through an unlocked screen porch door. My husband and I hardly ever lock it, because our apartment is on the second floor, and we never thought anyone could access it from the ground. Now I could kick myself for leaving it unlocked. I wrapped myself in a blanket, and went to my next door neighbors apartment and told her what happened. She drove me to the hospital, where I had an examination. Thankfully, I hadn't been hurt too badly physically, but I did have some vaginal trauma that the doctor treated me for. They gave me something to prevent pregnancy and STD's, since the guy hadn't used a condom, and gave me a prescription to help calm my nerves. My neighbor, who had stayed with me the whole time, drove me home.
First thing in the morning I filed a police report, and even though the detective handling my case was sympathetic, he told me not to get my hopes up for an arrest, since many rape cases don't get resolved. My car was recovered the next day abandoned not far away from the apartment.

It's been close to two years since all this happened, and even though my husband, and my friends have been very supportive, this is all still difficult for me to deal with. The counseling I have been to has helped but I'm still afraid to be alone in my apartment at night, which I do occasionally have to be alone because my husband still travels sometimes for his work. Oh, and the fact that guy who did this to me has never been caught doesn't help either.

I guess it's pretty ironic that a woman with forced sex fantasies ended up being traded for real, but I'm trying my best to separate the two. Anyway, thanks for reading, everyone.

I am sorry to read this. I can only give you my best wishes and hope you life come back as normal as possible.

It is not even irony. It is just bad luck. Sadly bad things happen to good people all the time.

If you can't enjoy your forced fantasies any more it is sad but not a big issue. Sure you have other things that fill your life. Keep them. This is just that... a fantasy. A game. It is not what we are. It is what we play. Keep what keep you warm and throw what hurts you.

Get cure. Get better.

Hi...thank you for your support. I'm doing my best to get better, and I feel sure I will some day. Thanks again.

Someone very close to me was abused at a young age, and she too had forced sex fantasies when she grew older. She was upset at these fantasies because they would sometimes bring back memories of his abuse, but now she sees it as more of a therapeutic process, connecting to the inner parts of you that was hurt so they may heal.

Be gentle and patient with yourself, heal well and in your own time. I wish you the very best on your journey, and if you ever need to get something off your chest to a person who'll most likely never impact on your non-digital life, I invite you to PM me.

The best of wishes and hopes,
-V