Borderline personality,Child's Play.

[XxThicky_Thick_ChicxX]

I dont know exactly what it was but i have many different theorys. First I have an older brother, When I was little he was the coolest person in the world to me and all I wanted from him was for him to think I was cool. So when he wanted me to stick things inside my cooch and give him hand jobs and stuff of that sort i dint say no whats wrong with you. Ofcorse I was at an age where i had no idea what was really going on. I mean i think I knew it was sexual but i didnt know what i was doing or that it was very wrong. Anyways Back to the part where i would do anything for him to think i was cool aka like me. not even in a sick way i just wanted to be loved. Although I had no idea thats what I wanted at the time. Okay this brings me to why i am fucked up now. Okay deep down still all I really want is to be loved no matter what i say. And it is burnt in my brain that to be cool aka loved I need to be sexual. And because my brother was always pushing me to do things that were stranger and stranger to me at the time i think thats why i like what most people conisder to be strange sexual fetish's now. i do not beleive that this is the only reason but alot does seem to fit together. All I wanted was love and all i got was hurt. And all it does is seem to repeat itself because I keep going about it the same way. All i want is someone that will share the same fetish's as me and actually care about me to. I know this is a very out of charactor post for me but I just wanted to see what you all thought. Am I crazy and completely off? Or does this make since?

[Grm]

Dear chiXx.
I'm sorry to hear your sad tale. What your brother did to you was unforgivable, I'm not a violent man but I could think of a few unpleasant things I'd like to do to him.I think these early experiences have a lot to do with your unsuccessful relationships.The first thing to do is find someone you like and trust, friendship is just as important as love and sex.
respects
duncan

[kredison]

Grm offers some good advice and you should heed it. I would also like to suggest that whatever relationship(s) you find yourself in that you be honest with that person. Since you seem to be well-versed in the psychological aspect of sex, I think you already know the problems caused by not being open about yourself with people you care about and who care about.

You aren't crazy at all. You need and want what most if not all of us do. A crazy person would not be worried about being crazy.

I hope you find the peace and happiness you strive for...

[cindyq11]

Well, yeah, I had an older sister who treated me that way.
I guess that is why now, I just like doing it with gals rather than
boys or men.
I have had done it with men, but it just don't feel right.

Yeah, I know what that felt like, Ms X, I didn't know it back then
either.

Now, my sister can't look at me straight in the eyes.
She feels such a sense of guilt and shame.

I guess I am crazy too, but there is this one conslolation.

"I take relief in the fact that I know I am insane, for it is better to be insane and be certain in that knowledge, rather than be considered sane
and still entertain some doubt."-- Voltaire.

[Grm]

Sad cindyq, life driven to be insecure,
real empathy hard to reach inside her,
for others who cry real tears,
for a life forever lost to them.
Your strength behind your mask,
waiting to release the genuine self.

[cindyq11]

Well, thank you.
But time moves on.
And let us now move on to fantasizing.
Before we end up like rapeclub.net

After all life is for the living.
not for the dead like on that site.

Hey, no sweat, I got banned from that site
once also. Don't ever raise the ire of
certain people over there.
A word of warning.

Now, let's start the fun!

[kredison]

Now, let's start the fun!

I'll bring the rope ;-)

[MarcEdeSade]

Marcus Aurelius, man.

the reason things like this bother people is because they have it implanted in their brain that they SHOULD (evil word) feel bad about them.

physical pain and discomfort aside, things only bother us as much as we cause them to.

rape victims, even pedophilia victims would be better served by NOT telling them it was a horrible terrible thing that they went through. If it wasn't reacted to so terribly, it would reduce the harm caused to victims.

[Grm]

Marcus Aurelius, man.

the reason things like this bother people is because they have it implanted in their brain that they SHOULD (evil word) feel bad about them.

physical pain and discomfort aside, things only bother us as much as we cause them to.

rape victims, even pedophilia victims would be better served by NOT telling them it was a horrible terrible thing that they went through. If it wasn't reacted to so terribly, it would reduce the harm caused to victims.
I think there is an element of truth in your analysis Marc.

[savi]

Marcus Aurelius, man.

the reason things like this bother people is because they have it implanted in their brain that they SHOULD (evil word) feel bad about them.

physical pain and discomfort aside, things only bother us as much as we cause them to.

rape victims, even pedophilia victims would be better served by NOT telling them it was a horrible terrible thing that they went through. If it wasn't reacted to so terribly, it would reduce the harm caused to victims.

Right on. I agree. I wouldn't have felt so badly about my molestation as a child, if my parents hadn't reacted with such absolute horror. Their reaction, in itself, made me feel tainted.
I know how you feel about relationships Thicky. But with your level of self-awareness and insight, and given time, you will find a satisfying relationship.